This episode is all about turning life’s next chapter into your best chapter

Wendy Valentine: Go. Hey there, midlife warriors, and welcome back to the Midlife Makeover Show. Today’s episode is all about turning life’s next chapter into your best chapter. And we have the perfect guest to help you do just that. Amy Fries, the founder and coach of, the Empty Nexter. Do you not just love that name? Empty Nexter. Get it. Is here to share her powerful journey and mission to help retired women reclaim their identity, purpose, and joy. After more than 30 years as an entrepreneur, life coach, and business owner, not to mention being a mom of three and a wife of 35 years. Hello. Amy found herself facing what so many women do after retirement. The dreaded what’s next blues. But rather than resting on her laurels and setting into the sunset, Amy turned her struggle into her greatest mission. Now she’s coaching women to design a retirement that reflects who they truly are from the inside out. Amy’s 3D design strategy, determine, dream again, and Discover will inspire you to create a retirement or midlife chapter that’s authentically fulfilling and filled with purpose. So if you’re ready to dream big, reclaim you, and design a future that lights you up, grab your favorite cup of coffee, tea, wine, what? Whatevs. And settle in for an awesome episode.

Wendy welcomes Amy Nexter to the show

Let’s give a warm welcome to the quintessential Nexter herself, Amy. Freeze.

Amy Freese: Wow. Wendy, bring it. Thank you so much. Yes, quite the welcome. I’m very appreciative of that. It’s so great to meet you.

Wendy Valentine: Carpet’s been rolled out to you.

Amy Freese: You’re like, yeah, that’s rolling the red carpet out on next, right?

Wendy Valentine: So this is so funny. I will. I’m gonna. I’m gonna call you out on this. So if you’re. If you can see on YouTube, it says owner next to us next day. That’s not Amy’s name. She’s. But you know what? She’s owning it. Amy, she was like, you know what? I can’t figure out how to change my name here on the zoom. I’m gonna leave it as owner, and I’m going to own this, and I’m going to own the act that. Hey, I don’t know how to change my name on this thing. Who cares?

Amy Freese: Got to just own it, right? We just got to own it wherever we are, whatever we’re doing, ever, however we’re feeling or things we don’t know.

Wendy Valentine: There’s a lot of things I don’t know exactly. I have guests on the show. Honestly, I learned from all of my guests. I’m like, okay, what I don’t know. And I can’t teach my audience. I’m gonna find someone that knows it.

Amy Freese: There’s so much to learn from each other for sure.

Empty Nexter is an organization that helps women create a next in life

Wendy Valentine: So Empty Nexter, how did that come about? How are you inspired to start this big mission, this new mission of you? I.

Amy Freese: Great question. So I’ve re. I’ve been retired. It’ll be three, two years this January. And shortly thereafter, I knew that I was not going to just settle there and as you said earlier, ride off into the sunset, sick Prosecco, live for just me and doing my thing. Because frankly, I’ve never been wired that way. And you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. So as you said earlier, the quintessential Nexter. And when I looked back on my life, I have always been creating a next from a very young life. And why would I stop now? Because, we can’t change who we are. We can evolve, right? We can grow, we can learn. We could become better versions of ourselves. And I think midlife is, is the absolute most perfect time to do it. It’s a great, so life giving if we allow it. When I retired, I did not feel full of life. And so I definitely, I felt more unlike myself than ever before. I mean, our whole lives were always on to the next thing, whatever. Whatever that, whatever that is, whether it’s school, career, marriage, children, all the mood, all the things. And when retirement hit, when there were no expectations, no one was expecting anything of me and wondered why I would even consider doing something else or why I could not be full of joy, throwing confetti, dancing on the ceiling. Because we’ve been kind of also ingrained growing up or as young adults into our careers, whatever. Oh, when you get to retirement, that’s when the party begins, right?

Wendy Valentine: Right.

Amy Freese: Well, not so much for some of us gals who are wired a little differently. And so the empty next. I really struggled with the name, actually, because when you’re passionate about your calling, about what you’re doing, your name, names, our names, your name, it’s so personal. So I struggled and struggled. I had a thousand and ten names, right, that I was playing with. And actually it was my oldest son, those youngsters, those whippersnappers. I was picking him up from the airport because he lives in Dallas. And I’m like, avery, I am just struggling with this name. Oh my gosh. It was just sometimes things are too close, right?

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, they’re too close.

Amy Freese: And we need fresh eyes, fresh perspective, as in many areas. And he’s like, we’re driving home on, on the interstate and he’s like, mom, how about the Empty Nexter?

Wendy Valentine: I’m like.

Amy Freese: Yeah, yes. I’m like, Avery.

Wendy Valentine: I mean I.

Amy Freese: It was prolific. It was like. I don’t even know if that’s the right word to use. Prophetic. Prophetic. Maybe that’s the word Prophetic. Like, absolutely. Because that is what I’ve been doing as a young mom. When I became a mother, I wasn’t. I adored having my baby, my first baby. I love each and one of. I have three of them. Each and every one of them love that. But I also knew that I wasn’t going to be just settled being stay at home mom for me. So I created a Next then as well and so on and so forth. I’ve got a lot of Next probably in the bio somewhere. But so, yeah, so the Empty Nexter, it’s about, it’s. It was created because, well, my husband, my husband, my son got. Came up with the name and I loved it. And the next, it really has become mine for others as well because. And the next is so relative. Right. I’m not what. I always want to make sure that I share that a next is not necessarily a job going to find how, to get back on the hamster wheel of life. No, we don’t need that. We’ve been there, we’ve done that. This is about creating a next that is truly authentic to you and, and to that woman. And a lot of women that are looking for that next and a lot of new retired women, what they’re seeking for is that fulfillment. Right. And that, that definitely daily purpose and of course, community. Because a lot of those things seem to take a little bit, a little, a little, backseat when we hit retirement.

Wendy says it’s important to own your midlife journey

And so I really encourage and challenge women that next is again, relative to each and every one of them. But a next is how do you want to live out this season that truly speaks to you from the inside to the outside and not taking other people’s opinions on what you should or shouldn’t do or how you should feel or shouldn’t feel. This is again, it goes back to what you said earlier and me being the owner. It’s about owning who you are at this juncture in your road, in your journey, and really embracing that. I think as midlife women, it’s so liberating to truly feel that I am speaking my voice because it’s now or never. This is no regret policy season.

Wendy Valentine: Yep. I, I’ve never even really liked the word retirement. You know, I was like, what does that, what does that even mean? Like you’re just done and think about all the, the, the great, like Julia Childs, like she didn’t even go to cooking school until she was in her 50s. And there’s so many, like, I can’t even think of all of them right now. Many, yes, so many, so many women that have created something new in their 50s and 60s. And I feel, I don’t know about you, but now that like my nest is empty, I’ve moved on to a different phase of my life. There’s things, I don’t have a lot of. That’s the typical mother things on my plate anymore. So I have more time, I have more energy, I have more space in my mind to think. Think about things that I never got to think about before or to just simply ask the question to myself, what do I want? I feel like those first, you know, 30 years of life as an adult, you’re, you’re, you know, you’re looking for the mate, you’re going to get married, you’re going to have the kids, you’re running a household, you’re driving to soccer games, you’re doing all the things.

Amy Freese: The boxes.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, you’re checking the boxes and great boxes to check, right?

Amy Freese: Absolutely.

Wendy Valentine: Maybe even having a career at the same time, whatever. But then it’s like, okay, now all of that is, is it’s done. It’s not done. Like it’s just evolved into something else. And I think that’s key right there is evolving into someone else and giving yourself permission to do that. Exactly.

Amy Freese: And that is truly right. Giving yourself permission and not apologizing for wanting to pursue or I’m also going to say it’s okay to not want to pursue anything, but also to just want to feel fulfilled. And that and content and wherever, whatever that looks like for you. Wherever that is. I do think when we get into this season, and I’ve often said, like, just because I’m retired or Just because you’re retired doesn’t mean you’re expired.

Wendy Valentine: Yes.

Amy Freese: You know, but I, I likened my, my phase, my early ah. Days of it. It was like a cocoon.

Wendy Valentine: Yes. I was just thinking that.

Amy Freese: You were? Yeah. Because I mean, it was so weird. I mean it really. Retirement for me blindsided me. I have, my husband kind of had different ideas on what a retirement for us and for me should look like. Like why wouldn’t you be happy, you know, not having to do anything.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Just sit by the pool and hang out.

Amy Freese: And I, I often reminded him, like, do you know me? Do you know me? And it’s not that I want to be. I wanted to be a busybody. I really want to make sure that I share that. It’s not about being busy and no, it’s, it’s, it’s about beat. You have to be still. Right. In order to first know what it is and to truly go, you know what, Amy? You’re not going to be content or fulfilled or living your true self if you just go along to get along. And so that cocoon phase, it feels dark. It feels very isolating. it’s very. A time for a lot of contemplation, pondering, wrestling, confusion. I mean, it was, it was not the prettiest time in my life. It wasn’t. And. But I also knew, Wendy, that, I knew that I could trust the journey.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Amy Freese: Even because I do have miles, you know, that I’ve walked and I’ve been through in seasons where I’ve. I think when we, you know, hindsight is wonderful. Right. And also as midlife m. Women, we do have a perspective and a wisdom because we’ve been through hard things. We’ve gone through difficult days and transitions. so we know typically that we’re going to get through this too. Right. And I knew I would. And I had to trust the journey, and look back at where God had been faithful to me in my past. I knew he would be in my present. But doggone it, I was, I was a little impatient.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Amy Freese: I was a little impatient. Yeah. So with that being said. Yes. It’s not about, you know, getting on the fast paced hamster wheel. And I believe everyone’s next in their retirement is at their own pace.

Wendy Valentine: Yes.

Amy Freese: there’s no speed that is right. And there’s no thing to be done or a way to act that is right. It’s really. Midlife women rock if you own it and you really give yourself the space to, like you said earlier, to, to figure it out.

Wendy Valentine: Yes. And it gives you an opportunity to try, to try new things. I’m actually like next, the next couple weeks, going to an art class for the first time, like as an adult at least not like going to art.

Amy Freese: Great artist.

Being open and ready to receive is key, Wendy says

I bet you’ll be a great artist.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t know. And I just embrace it and be like, whatever. It’s just something to. Who knows? The thing is like, you never know what will come along. Your Path and you can meet someone new. It could open up another door over here where whatever. But just being open and ready to receive, I think is key. Not to. Not to block anything, not to push it away. Just be open and like, I mean, I. I look at life as like a buffet. Like, you go up, you can sample what you want. If you like it, cool. Go back for more if you don’t like it now, you know, but you won’t. I mean, you won’t know unless you try it.

Amy Freese: Yeah, absolutely. I do think you have to put yourself out there. And I. Hats off to you to go into the art class. I think you’re going to meet people, you’re going to engage, and you’re probably going to find out some, you know, that you really enjoy it and like. Or like you said, maybe you’ll be like, next. You know, I did that. And I think that’s what’s wonderful, too, about our season. we can change our mind.

Wendy Valentine: Yes. I’m so glad you said that, because many of us will feel like, okay, if I make a decision to start this business or, do this one career or take a class that you don’t have the permission to. To pivot when you need to pivot. I mean, if you don’t know and if you don’t like it, then move on.

Amy Freese: It should be kind of our midlife middle name, really. It’s okay. It’s okay to go off course. And. Yeah, I think. I think that we just need to, trust that. But a lot of women, or re. Women is my focus. It’s always been, And I think that a lot of women are confused because they have been busy going through all those former seasons, breathing life, giving life, working for others. And now when in this space, it’s like, okay, it’s just you. And they’re questioning, well, I don’t even know what I’m passionate about or what I’m excited about or what I want to do next. And that’s where I take them through that 3D design. Everyone, the answers. As you know, Wendy, the answers are always right here.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Amy Freese: And it’s just allowing yourself to take that time and be quiet and be still.

Putting that oxygen mask on first is huge. But it’s so huge, especially in a time of transition

Putting that oxygen mask on first is huge. We’ve heard it time and again. Right. But it’s so huge, especially in a time of transition. retired women, we have never been in this space. Our lives have been roles, labels, and responsibilities from the get go. Yep, from the get go. And now we are responsible to putting that oxygen on first. So that we can then be of service, of, just be someone that people want to be around, that gain. whether it’s positivity or energy or, you know, live in a way that, Shines. Right.

Wendy Valentine: Yes.

Amy Freese: Not dim. You know, I think it’s important we’re here to shine our light and to be of help to someone and support each other and encourage, like you’re doing with your podcast and your. Your, platform. So, I think everyone. Not everyone has to go out and live out a passion project or a mission or calling in a big way can be very quiet. Right. No one even knows about it.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Amy Freese: But if it gives you that. That again, that fulfillment and you feel like you’re being authentic to yourself, sky’s the limit. We need women walking on water. Right. Throwing confetti.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Amy Freese: Dancing on the ceiling. I just feel like this is our time because the responsibilities are less.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. There was something on your, website that I love, your whole website. It was great. And your pictures are so, so adorable. but there’s something that you said. It says, when I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say I used everything you gave me.

Amy Freese: I love that. That has resonated with me for the past 20, probably 17 years. Yeah. And I really. That is, like, inborn. I. I don’t want to waste what God gave me. Have you ever heard, I can’t remember what book this was, but it. This man was being led, like, through the. You know, it’s just a, metaphor. Through the pearly gates or taken. He’s taken into a room, and there’s all these gift boxes. All these gift boxes. And he pointed and said, what are in these gifts? Or what are in these boxes? And the saint or whoever was leading him around said, those are the gifts that were not used for, you know, so. And so. And what a shame. Right? What a shame. Because everyone. Any woman that is listening right now, that feels like, well, I don’t think I have any gifts or I don’t have any talents or skills. Oh, yeah, you do. Oh, exactly. Yeah, you do. It’s time to peel those layers back. We’ve heard that time and again. there is something that is meant to be used and shared, big or small, quiet or loud. and when we do that, that’s when we’re in sync and we’re. We’re walking in tandem, and kind of just fulfilling, kind of all the buttons right all the.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Amy Freese: Hitting all the buttons that kind of make us be the best version of ourselves.

Wendy Valentine: Exactly. And, you know, the. The number one regret of the dying is actually living life for everybody else. So the beautiful time about this season in life is, like you said, putting that oxygen mask on yourself first and giving yourself permission to use your gifts, use your talents, use your strengths, and just go for it. Because why? I mean, life is so short. I say that. I know. It’s so cliche. Life is so short. I mean, if. If we’re lucky enough, to live to, like, 80 years old, I’m planning on 111, but we’ll see what happens, right? But just a blink, an eternity. It is nothing. I even, like, said this to someone the other day, and it wasn’t like a depressing thought. It was just, like, the reality of it. I was like, you know, someday I’ll be gone, and even, like, I’ll be remembered for a little while, and even the memory of me will be gone. I know it’s sad. It’s very, very sad.

Amy Freese: But I think you’re unforgettable. honey?

Wendy Valentine: But, you know, I mean, it’s. It’s. But the point in that is that why do we. That being said, why do we give a crap about the silliest of things of, like, even. Okay, here I am, you know, on my own podcast. What if I trip over my tongue? What if I say something stupid? What if I don’t sound right?

A lot of us are craving authenticity on social media

What if. What if this, what if that? Like, there’s so many things that we don’t do because we’re so worried again of what everyone else is gonna think when the reality of it is not going to matter.

Amy Freese: Like, nobody cares.

Wendy Valentine: Yes.

Amy Freese: That hard on people. We’re hardest on ourselves.

Wendy Valentine: I know.

Amy Freese: We tend to give more grace to others. Like, when we see somebody mess up for this, that, or the other, we’re not going, oh, my gosh, I cannot believe they did that.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Amy Freese: I don’t know. I’m like, I’ve said that to my children before. Or conversation. I’m like, do you think, well, how would you feel if that. Oh, gosh, how have I used that? I feel like I just did this. Like, you wouldn’t think that bad if they did that. You know what I mean? So why are you exactly carrying that? Why are you carrying that?

Wendy Valentine: But.

Amy Freese: Oh, yeah, I think it’s like, fear schmear we have got. This is not the time for false evidence appearing real.

Wendy Valentine: And, I just let it go be.

Amy Freese: I kind of feel like what’s nice. We’re living in a culture, too, right now, that the more human that you are, the more authentic you are.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Amy Freese: The better people can relate.

Wendy Valentine: We crave that. I feel. I feel like a lot of us, especially on social media, we are craving authenticity. Like, just be real. Be you. Even if you is goofy and silly and crazy like me. Whatever. Like, cool. Whatever.

Amy Freese: that’s my whole life. I can’t change.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, it does. Like, it doesn’t matter. Just, like, go all out, enjoy, and love. I mean, I feel like I don’t know about you, but just at this phase in life, I have. I have fallen more in love with who I am, and I just embrace her and all of her, craziness even.

Amy Freese: Right. Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: Like, it’s. It’s. And I wish. I wish I’d had this mindset about myself and the love for myself. I wish I’d put that oxygen mask on myself back in my teens and twenties. I didn’t. I waited until I was, you know, possible 40. I know.

Amy Freese: For. Because I thought the same thing.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Amy Freese: I think you got to go through it.

Wendy Valentine: Exactly. Exactly. It’s kind of like, we’ll go back to your cocoon that you mentioned earlier.

It’s normal to have dark times and, like, let those dark times

and I’ve always been fascinated by the metamorphosis of, you know, from seed until butterfly. And I’ve told this before on the podcast. I’m sure everybody knows because maybe they paid attention in science class, but the butterfly has to struggle to get out of the cocoon. If you were to cut the cocoon, like, the top of the cocoon off and take out the butterfly, she would be crippled and she would die. She has to struggle. So, I mean, I remind myself of that when I’m going through something tough in my life, no matter how big, no matter how small, that I’m like, this is okay. It’s. It’s, normal to struggle. It’s normal to have dark times and, like, let those dark times. And even if the dark time is just not having the clarity of what the heck you want to do with your life, it’s totally okay. The answer comes when you least expect it.

Amy Freese: Exactly. I. I don’t think we should. And it’s easier said than done, because when you are going through a darker feeling, unrecognizable to yourself, lacking confidence, just having lack of clarity.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Amy Freese: It doesn’t feel good. You want it to end, but it really is a gift.

Wendy Valentine: I know.

Amy Freese: That is your soul telling you.

Wendy Valentine: Yep.

Amy Freese: That this is not where you’re meant to remain.

Wendy Valentine: Yep.

Amy Freese: I think I shared that. Like, if you’re feeling discontent, don’t run away with it. Don’t try to sweep it under the rug and apologize for it. Go, okay, I’m discontent for a reason. So what is it? I need to explore that need to exploit. There are answers there, there are answers. Instead of just like busying up and all that. Go, okay, get contemplative. What is it? And some people, you know, maybe just speak it, you know, in their mind, write it out, pray everybody has a different way that they can get some of those answers out into the open. But I really challenge your listeners to allow themselves, if they are in that, moment or time of questioning or discontent or lack of fulfillment, to own it and go, yeah, this is my green light to get real. And have that.

Wendy Valentine: Sometimes you have to have those difficult conversations with yourself. You have to ask those. Yeah, yeah.

Amy Freese: And I felt so when I started this journey with my passion project, knowing that I wanted to pursue something using my gift of encouragement, and that is meeting, women and bringing women together. I initially thought it was just going to be about that. Talking about, what’s your next? What are you pursuing? Because that’s how I’ve been wired for 59, eight wells, 57 when I started, 57 years. But I realized that I was meant to share my struggle, that dark time. Because when I was going through that, I know a lot of people I’ve been blessed with, really good friends, great family, but no one knew or claimed to know that I was struggling. Or maybe they just thought, oh, I’m typically very positive. That’s just my nature. I don’t, I don’t like to bring people down. Debbie Downer, that kind of thing, Negative Nelly. But people either people just weren’t used to it, so they didn’t clue in. So that struggle, I realized I needed to be an advocate for that woman who does feel isolated and misunderstood and is misunderstanding herself too. Maybe. so yeah, I’ve been, I’ve been sharing. Well, I was lacking confidence. Nobody wants to share all that near all that dirty laundry. But boy, I am, I’m like, thank you Lord, but I know that’s what felt most. And then that’s when kind of the waters parted for me with the empty nexter. That to me then felt authentic. Because, initially I was thinking, like I said, we’re just going to, I’m just sharing the next. What’s your next journey? Tell me about your next. And then now I Had first I had to kind of flesh it out and share it and. And hopefully it. My goal was always if I could just help one woman feel supported, whether I meet her or not, heard or just go, oh, wow, I’m not alone.

Wendy Valentine: Yes, exactly.

Amy Freese: I would have felt that it was worth to, air that laundry. And basically it’s just using all things for good. Right?

Wendy Valentine: Yes, exactly right.

Amy Freese: And I truly believe in that. And as I’m sure you’ve met many of your guests, they’ve used their struggles for positive change and evolvement and, created.

Wendy Valentine: That’s actually. And I’ve said this too on the show, that is one common thread with every single guest that I’ve had on the show is that we’ve all struggled and we’ve used our. The. Our struggle became that common thread. Our breakdown became our breakthrough. And then as a student of that, we became a teacher.

Amy Freese: Yes.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Amy Freese: Amazing.

Wendy Valentine: It’s fascinating, right? We all have that way. We’re all students and teachers. We’re all learning and we’re all teaching. Just depends on what we’re learning and what we’re teaching. But, yeah, and I think, yeah, it’s. It’s key is becoming more aware and conscious of what we’re absorbing and what we’re releasing, what we’re receiving, what we’re giving. And. And then,

Amy Freese: Yeah, you’re so right. You’re so right. Especially now. Right.

Because time is short. No time for debt. So how do you want to be living that?

Because. Because time is short. So how do you want to be living that? Yeah, going along, as I said earlier, going along to get along. Putting on a happy face.

Wendy Valentine: No, I’ve done that.

Amy Freese: No time for debt. So.

So let’s talk about the, the 3D design strategy for women

Wendy Valentine: So let’s talk about the, the 3D design strategy. Termin. Right. Is that the first one? Tell us about.

Amy Freese: Yes. And. And that’s just basically where. When a woman goes, okay, yeah, I’ve got a void. I’ve got a void here. There’s. And I. There she is. Wanting to determine what is keeping her stuck.

Wendy Valentine: Yes.

Amy Freese: What. What is fogging up her midlife mirror or, you know, her vision for what’s next. Determining what is it that is going to bring her fulfillment and daily purpose. so it’s determining we got to get. We got to get there first. Gotta start there first. And then once that. That is determined and it could be, you know, you gotta start with one, but it’s usually kind of works with a lot of different pieces and then. Or it could be a few things and we’re like, okay, we’re gonna start here first.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, this is. This.

Amy Freese: If we, if we can kind of hone in on this first and then we can, you know, add the others.

I think it’s always helpful to dream out loud with someone

And then, and then the fun part, dreaming out loud. You know, I think, I think women, I know, I think as women, I, we used to dream right back in the day. Day, day, day. And then life moves in and all those roles and responsibilities that I mentioned earlier move in. And I’ve always likened it to like a dream basket. You know, that dream we have all our little dreams in that basket starts down here maybe when we’re, before we really get into the nitty gritty of life. And, and then as that nitty gritty starts building up, that dream basket goes on this shelf and that shelf, that tippy top shelf. And before you know it, you’ve forgotten all the dreams.

Wendy Valentine: You know, you don’t even realize, you.

Amy Freese: Don’T even remember if you had any. So that’s where. And it’s always fun to. I think it’s always helpful if you dream out loud with someone. Yeah, right.

Wendy Valentine: I know someone that it’s more powerful.

Amy Freese: Right.

Wendy Valentine: Like when you, you take that energy and you share that energy with others and with the universe, with God, with the world, it, it compounds like it, it, it’s even more powerful than if you just hold it in. Yeah.

Amy Freese: I think, you know, give it, release it, give it a voice. And I think it is critical to know who you’re sharing your dreams with.

Wendy Valentine: Yes, right, Exactly. Yes. Yeah. You don’t, you, yeah, you don’t want the naysayers, not somebody that’s just going.

Amy Freese: To agree with you. Right. And go, oh yeah, that sounds, oh yeah, that sounds good. Do that.

Amy Freese: No, but somebody who truly has your back and your best interest and someone that could, could be, could be objective for you, but also like yes, I think that’s a great idea and maybe help expand upon it or, or brainstorm about it. Like. Yeah, I think that’s really great. But maybe you know, tweak it here or tweak it there, but just get excited about it. We need to get excited.

Wendy Valentine: Yes. Yeah. And dream again. like you said, like we dreaming seems like one of those things that you did when you were a kid and as adults. Like no, we, I mean if you’re breathing, you’re, you’re thinking, you’re feeling, you’re dreaming like it’s, you’re putting the energy out there, you’re attracting something, something’s going to be coming back to you. So you might as well let that dream grow and let it come to you instead of just like, ah, I’m just gonna let float through life. Whatever happens, happens.

Amy Freese: And as you said earlier about Julia Child. Yes, Julia Child. Well, there are, there are numerous.

Wendy Valentine: Yes.

Amy Freese: People at rh. Think of what we bring to the table. As you said earlier, as you said earlier. Wow. I wish, you know, like when we were back in our 20s or our 30s that we could have been like really owned our voice a little bit more and our yeses and our nose. Now we do a lot more.

Wendy Valentine: Right, Exactly. Yeah.

Amy Freese: And so we have a lot more. We pack a lot more punch.

Wendy Valentine: So yeah, yeah. We know what it’s like to not put ourselves forward first. We know what it’s like to not dream and to not give ourselves permission to be who we want to be. So like it’s like the dichotomy of life. Right. We wouldn’t know light if we didn’t know dark.

Amy Freese: Right, right.

Wendy Valentine: No joy if we didn’t know sadness. So yeah, I mean like I’ve always said, there’s no mistakes in life, only retakes. So whatever. Like the past is the past. Like it’s done.

Amy Freese: Oh yeah. Bye. Bye.

Wendy Valentine: Change anything about it. But moving forward. Yes. You have a choice.

Amy Freese: Like you said, while we’re still breathing, we are meant to be here and meant to be joy filled.

Wendy Valentine: Yes.

Amy Freese: So hum. Getting through our day.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Amy Freese: That’s not good for you. And it’s definitely not good for people around you.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Oh gosh, no. Exactly.

Third is to be realistic with yourself about pursuing your dreams

So what, what was the third one? Third one is discover.

Amy Freese: Discover. Okay. So once you get all that dreaming out loud and all that and then you got to kind of hone in and be a little realistic with yourself. Right. And realistic also with. Okay. Where you live. Maybe you’re demands. M. There are still demands on our lives. There are people still, you know, have expectations. Whether it’s a spouse or maybe you’re taking care of an aging parent or maybe you do have someone living in your home. Whether it’s a child, you know, a grown child, it’s all sorts of different scenarios. So you got to be realistic in your environment. So that’s where you discover, okay, you’ve got some dreams. And then you’ve also got some skills and talents and strengths that you do want to continue to flex in this season and hone in on, maybe build upon or maybe even learn like art. Right. So where. So let’s say if someone is feeling lonely, isolated, but they love, they do love art or they’re interested in art or they Would like to finally learn how to cook at 50 years old.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Amy Freese: Or they are interested in a particular mission, or something, you know, whether it’s anti, trafficking or adoption or, you know, there’s something that speaks to them. That’s where you discover where maybe you can put yourself in that environment for whatever amount of time with whatever amount of, throughput, you know, involvement and just kind of like put connecting the dots on how we can, you know.

Wendy Valentine: Make this happen and just trust that you’ll make it happen. You’ll figure it out as you go along. I mean, we’re women. We can figure anything out. We can do this.

Amy Freese: Like, we’re MacGyvers.

Wendy Valentine: I know.

Amy Freese: Midlife MacGyvers. Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: I’ve even, For me, when I look back years and years ago, when I had lost everything and myself included.

Amy Freese: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: And all I had was, All I had. It was. The big, biggest thing to have was a vision, was to have that dream. And I. I kept that dream in the forefront of my mind, and I was like, I’m going for the sucker. I’m gonna make this happen. And everything from that point until the. Until I drove off in. All of that was temporary. Even the job that I didn’t like, even like some of the. Where I live, like, it. I had to remind myself it’s temporary. So, yeah, you might create this beautiful vision. It’s not gonna be all like, sprinkles and rainbows.

Amy Freese: No.

Wendy Valentine: You know, on your way there, it. You have to remind yourself, like, okay, this could be a little rocky.

Amy Freese: I might have rocky.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And you’re gonna have to work. You have spend some time in introspection and what limiting beliefs are holding you, what, you know, what are the thoughts and the feelings and the emotions that are swirling within you that are blocking you from having that dream. So, yeah, it’s. It’s, But gosh, the journey is so worth it.

Amy Freese: And I think that what kind of kept me moving forward because as you know, putting yourself out there in a new capacity that feels a little different or in a new environment or dealing with tools like tech or this or that, it can be a little daunting. Right? Like learning new, new things or even just putting yourself out into a new environment. Somebody who is maybe struggling with loneliness, and they’re like, there. There’s a class, but they don’t know who to go with. And it’s only them. That takes some gumption and to just go to the class by themselves. But it. It does have. I had to Remind my, times. And you’ve heard this, and I’m sure your listeners have as well. You have to know your why. Right. Your why has to be strong. And my why of, pursuing the empty neck dryer was always, Amy, remember how horrible you felt, how disillusioned you were, how blindsided you were. You do not want one to go back there. And that was your whole reason to. To do this, was to help other women so you can figure out how to overcome some speed bumps or some mind blocking. M. Right. Some like, oh, this is overwhelming. Maybe I should just write off into the sunset. This is too much. You know that just as limiting beliefs, those little, those little gremlins that get in your mind and you’re like, you’re like, no, I am. I’m staying the course. I can pivot. I can meander a little bit, go at my own pace.

Wendy Valentine: Right.

Amy Freese: But I, think when a woman, a woman has to know that she’s worth more and that her life is meant for more to pursue, it’s really that authentic.

Wendy Valentine: Next. Yes.

Amy Freese: Right.

Wendy Valentine: Ah, yeah.

The Empty Nexter is all about dreaming and making it happen

Amy Freese: So I hope that, whoever is, you know, your listener that is listening to know that they are worthy of just the season of being all that they want it to be.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Amy Freese: Whatever that looks like for them.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, it’s fun. I mean, it’s fun to. To dream of all the possibilities. And it’s not the probabilities, it’s the possibilities. Try not to like, overthink it and calculate it. I mean, everything’s possible. You can make it happen for sure.

Amy Freese: And it’s all stepping stones like you said, you know, you had to go through some things. We all have to go through things. Stepping stones to getting you to where you’re supposed to go.

Wendy Valentine: Just like the butterfly coming out of the cocoon.

Amy Freese: We’d, be pretty boring if it just went in a straight line.

Wendy Valentine: Oh, I so bored.

Amy Freese: It’d be pretty vanilla. right. Pretty vanilla. So we had to keep it.

Wendy Valentine: Tell us where we, where we can find you.

Amy Freese: Well, there’s a couple places, so I do have a website, theemptynexter.com you can find me on YouTube. The Empty Nexter. on Instagram, the Empty Nexter.

Wendy Valentine: Love it. I love it. We’ll have to think. What, what was your son’s name?

Amy Freese: Avery.

Wendy Valentine: Avery. Avery. Thank you for coming up with the Empty Nexter and grabbing that domain URL. It’s just genius.

Amy Freese: Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I know. We, we’ve gotta, you know, listen to the children yes.

Wendy Valentine: Listen to the children.

Amy Freese: Children. Yes.

Wendy Valentine: Thank you so much. And I’m glad that this episode is gonna kick off 2025 for us. And it’s, it’s we’re gonna make it a great year.

Amy Freese: Yes. Why not?

Wendy Valentine: I know, I know. January, actually. January. Wait, January 9th. I’m teaching the best year yet workshop. I’m so. But it’s all about dreaming. It’s all about just creating a vision and making it happen and ah, and sharing your dream. I, I’m so excited about that. Yes.

Amy Freese: I want to hear so much more about you.

Wendy Valentine: Well, when you are, your empty Nexter podcast, I will be on there.

Amy Freese: Well, flip the mics. Yes. I would love that. I’ve really enjoyed my time with you, man. I wish you, I wish, I wish you were coming to visit your parents in Knoxville, Tennessee.

Wendy Valentine: I know. Actually I probably. I’ll be there in the States for the book tour in in the summer. So I just swing by Nashville.

Amy Freese: Yes. You have a lot going on. I’m m so excited for you. And I will keep watching and cheering you on from M. Nashville.

Wendy Valentine: You’re awesome. Thank you so much. And yeah. And you do have coaching, programs.

Amy Freese: I do, I do. I have either a custom fit where it’s just focused on one conversation that a woman wants some clarity on to just kind of make it easy. I just want to meet women where they’re at. Right. And of course we can, you know, do a six month program, but that’s all on my website. yeah. If somebody just needs some support, a listening ear and someone who gets them because they’ve been there, they’ve been in that cocoon, but they chose to not remain.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, I, would love to have someone with you. I mean I’ve always been. I love coaching. I wouldn’t be sitting where I’m at if it wasn’t for the coaches that led me here.

Amy Freese: So about.

Wendy Valentine: And, and I’ve had different types of coaches at different phases in my life. And yes, I think it’s. And it’s great. Like I’m one of those that even though like I wouldn’t mind just sitting in group therapy, I’m. I’m quite like of a one on one type of thing, life coach where I just like, all right, let’s get this done and let’s get going.

Amy Freese: No, I’m with you. I’m with you. And coaches need coaches. I think women need women.

Amy: We need fresh eyes, fresh perspective on this issue

I just think that we’re doing ourselves a disservice if we try to tow this road alone, and try to figure it out in our own mind. We need. We need fresh eyes, fresh perspective. like we said earlier. Not somebody who’s just going to agree with everything you said, but who’s going to maybe help you think outside the box a little bit and get that dream basket down off that shelf.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. I like it. Thank you so much, Amy.

Amy Freese: You, Wendy. Great Christmas.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Everyone have a great day. And, let’s all thrive in 2025.

Amy Freese: Do it. I like it. Okay. Thanks, Wendy.