This episode features emotional eating expert Tricia Nelson

Wendy Valentine: M welcome to the midlife makeover show. Today we are diving into a topic that so many of us can relate to. Emotional eating. Perfect timing with the holidays around the corner. Joining us is the incredible Trisha Nelson, emotional eating expert, TEDx speaker with over 2 million views and author of the number one bestselling book, Heal Your Hunger, 7 Simple Steps to End Emotional Eating. Now, after losing £50 herself and spending over 30 years researching the hidden causes of emotional eating, Trisha is here to share her wisdom and practical tips for breaking free from food struggles. In this episode, Trisha helps us uncover the hidden triggers behind emotional eating, explains why comfort foods. Ah, love feels so comforting. And shares powerful strategies to overcome food cravings and manage stress. If you’re ready to stop obsessing over food and start living a healthier, more vibrant life, this conversation is for you. Grab a cozy seat and let’s heal our hunger together.

Tricia says emotional eating started with her when she was young

Please welcome Trisha to the show.

Tricia Nelson: Thank you. What a great intro.

Wendy Valentine: Thank you. Thank you for being here. And you’re in Spain and I’m in Portugal.

Tricia Nelson: Woo.

Wendy Valentine: I cool her way. So I would like to start with where emotional eating started with you.

Tricia Nelson: Yeah, it’s definitely started with me. That’s what informed, heal your hunger and the work that I do. And it goes way back considering the fact that I’m in my late 50s, so, so many, many moons ago, I’d say when I was probably four or five. I just love to eat, so I love to eat. I love to, you know, I definitely was obsessed with sweets. but I love to eat. I love to, you know, got very excited when we’d go out to dinner or I would, I got to cook or you bake or, you know, and just all, it’s all about food. I loved it. The thing I didn’t love is gaining weight. So I, from the get go, had issues with weight. You know, sometimes they were between my ears. Like I look back at photos sometimes Wendy, and I was like, wait a minute, I wasn’t fat. But I thought I was, you know, and I call that, I lovingly call that fathead now. Like when you just, you can’t see clearly, like it’s, you know, technically, you know, called body dysmorphia. But I totally had that where I just always felt that. And I look back at pictures, I’m like, oh, sweetheart, like, you weren’t fat. But I carried that identity. And then sometimes, I mean, when I hit adolescence, I was, you know, I gained weight easily. And by age 20, I was 50 pounds overweight. Because I was a binge eater. A, stress eater, you know, definitely emotional eater. And I didn’t know this, okay? So when I first heard the term, to be honest, when I first heard the term emotional eater, my sister came home and said, I am an emotional eater. Is in the 80s. And I thought, well, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of. You know, I’m like, whatever. Like, I just like food. Like, I’m superior. I always wanted to be better than her. So, like, well, that’s not my problem. And yet from that moment on, I couldn’t unhear it. And so I started to notice the way I ate. Like, I’d go out to lunch, with friends, and they’d order. You know, it’d be like a Denny’s type place for friendlies. I grew up in the Northeast, but. And so they’d order a sandwich and it would come with fries. And they would eat their sandwich and, you know, pick up their fries, have a few fries. Well, I would eat my fries and pick up my sandwich. You know, Like, I was like, that’s a much more interesting, you know, item on the plate. And then I’d want to eat theirs too. And I thought, wow, like, I’m not the same as they are. Like, I can’t even fathom leaving French fries on your plate, you know? And so I started to notice that I’m a little bit different. And, I was a binger. So, like, I would love to get my goodies on a Friday night and sit in front of my favorite TV show. And, you know, I just, I eat. Like, I just plan on having a bowl of ice cream and maybe some chips, right? You got to salty with your sweet. Of course.

Wendy Valentine: Of course. Yeah.

Tricia Nelson: You know, let’s be clear. and so as I would do that, but then I would go overboard and I’d have another, you know, another bowl of ice cream, and I’d finish the pint, you know, I’d take the lid off and it would never go back on, you know, and then the chips, I eat the whole bag of chips. And then if I eat cereal, I mean, Katie, bar the door. Like, it was several bowls of, like, sweet granola. you know, and so before you know it, I had, like, eaten a lot of calories and I felt totally sick. I’d pass out on the couch and I’d be like, oh, my God, I feel so gross. I’m never going to eat that crap again. Of course. And then what usually happened was That I would throw out the remains, thinking that, like, I never want to look at that kind of food again. And later, after I’d, you know, fallen asleep, you know, for a couple hours, and I woke up and there was a little bit more room in my tummy, I’d be like, I know I threw cook, like very good, perfectly good cookies out. They’re sitting there in the trash. And I’d go retrieve them. And then, Wendy, I would be like, oh, my God, I am the worst person in the world. Like, nobody else has done gross, you know, debasing thing. Well, of course I did this TEDx talk where I describe. I start out describing my. I call it garbage eating, you know, and, like, gazillions of people have done that who are emotional eaters, you know, and we all think we’re the only one, so we carry all this shame. And then that shame just compounds the problem. We, you know, it keeps us in secrecy and isolation, which, of course, you know, feeds the dragon of emotional eating. So that’s kind of how it went down for me. And the problem was that diets didn’t stop this. You know, diets didn’t stop those pills or anything else that I did. Didn’t stop the behavior, like, when I was just crawling the walls. I mean, I could diet. Everybody knows how to diet. But I, you know, after I call it new diet syndrome. Like, you’re so excited. Like, I’ve got my measuring cup and I’ve got my, like, macros and my special, you know, protein powder and all this. And you’re, like, so psyched until you’re in it a couple of weeks, and then it’s a slog and. And you’re like, how much longer? And I want my chocolate now. And then that would send, me back and I would sabotage. And so, you know, it’s easy to do the dieting, but staying on a healthy plan is a much harder thing to do. And I, you know, know from personal experience, and of course, I’ve been doing this work for 30 years now. I know that it’s because I never dealt with the feelings when I hadn’t dealt with the feelings that drove me to eat in the first place. When you take away all my favorite foods, all those feelings come up and I got no tools.

Pep says spiritual emotional healing freed him from compulsion to eat

Like, how do I. What do I do about how bad I feel? You know, how. How out of control I feel and insecure I feel and fearful and all this. Like, I got no way to deal with that because the food isn’t the option. Anymore. And then I would reconsider, I’d renegotiate my decision and I’d go back to the food. So I was on this yo yoing cycle for so long and anyway, fast forward, I, I I was, I was introduced to somebody who was a mentor, a kind of a spiritual healer type mentor for me. And he had been obese and had healed really by, from the inside out through spiritual emotional healing means. And he guided me, he showed me how to do that deeper inner work that helped free me from the compulsion to eat. And that was many three decades ago. And I’ve been blessed to be helping people ever since with their eating issues. And heal your hunger came about more recently about eight years ago. And I wrote my book and I have my podcast and my TEDx talk and the rest is history.

Wendy Valentine: It was interesting on your the one thing I took from. Well I took a lot of things from your website. It’s all really, really good. But there was one bit and you just mentioned about the spiritual healer and you had said in there by creating a lifestyle steeped in positive self care, self love and improved self esteem, you were able to stop drinking and overeating. And the one of course we could probably all tell the one word that stands out in there three times is self.

Tricia Nelson: Yeah. And I chilled when you said that.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And you think about that like even the, the term emotional eating we think we go to, we go to the eating part like that’s the issue but really it’s the emotional piece. The emotional solves the eating piece of it where as we’ve been treat especially back in the 80s, right. Like, I mean that was like the diet culture O Rama, it was all about what is the next diet was. Oh my gosh, this so oh, she’s doing the cabbage soup diet. I’m going to do that one and.

Tricia Nelson: Then fat free that right?

Wendy Valentine: Yes, yes. I mean the Atkins like you name it. Like it was like what’s next? What’s next? This is going to solve it. And like you said, you’re, you’re two weeks into it and then realize wait a second, you’re, you’re, you’re. I mean we’re creatures of habit. So naturally then our brains, our bodies go back resort to those old behaviors and the old thinking or the non thinking. Really.

Tricia Nelson: Yeah, yeah. Nothing has changed just because we change our diet. Because it’s, it’s not about the food. You know, it wasn’t food I was hungry for and that’s what I was missing. And what most people miss, we’re always so focused on give me the diet. You know, give me. Is it this one? Is it that one? I mean, they’re really not a whole lot, different from each other. I mean, eat healthy vegetables, Eat healthy fats. Eat healthy healthy protein. You know, slow metabolizing carbs. Like, that’s pretty much it.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Tricia Nelson: We’re always searching give me the diet. Like, if there’s some magic bullet. And we’re totally distracted from the fact that it is an inner, you know, journey that we need to take. And it is like you said about, you know, the fact that we’re anesthetizing our pain with food. And we don’t think of it because we’re like, we have a craving for chocolate. So it’s not like, oh, I have a craving to kill my pain. Right. Think I want some chocolate. But I really want people to start to ask the question, like, what am I really hungry for? And what I love to, What I love to share with people is the, PEP formula. And this is something I have in my book. and pep. Pep, is an acronym that helps people just start to ask the question, like, why am I going the refrigerator five times tonight? Like, what am I looking for? And so the First P&PEP, Wendy, stands for painkiller. Like I said, we, you know, we don’t want to feel uncomfortable. So it may not be like a sharp pain, but kind of adult ache where maybe we’re sad or maybe we’re feeling lonely, or maybe we, you know, got some bad news or a bill that we weren’t planning on getting. That creates uncomfortable feelings inside of us, you know, and then we don’t want to feel it. And again, this is not conscious. all we think is, I want chocolate. But when we are thinking about food, when we’re not hungry, it’s not because we need the sustenance, you know, or the nourishment. It’s really that we want to distract from what we’re feeling. So the first P is pain, as in we use food as a painkiller. The second letter, is E for escape. Because as emotional eaters, we also tend. As overeaters. We tend to be, over thinkers. And we just go to town, like, pulling things apart. Like, why did. What did she mean by that? Ah, why did she say that? Or why did. You know, why did I say this? Or, you know, I know I’m gonna lose my job. They want to talk to me tomorrow. I know this is curtains for Me. It’s like our minds just go in overdrive, racing minds. And we’re like, it’s really uncomfortable to just be with our own brains, you know, our brains are so.

Wendy Valentine: I know you.

Tricia Nelson: And so we want to escape our own head essentially and our fearful thoughts because we’re never thinking about, oh, the wonderful possibilities that could happen for us.

Food numbs the brain temporarily, so it works temporarily

It’s always the worst case scenario. I call it awfulizing. Like it’s, everything’s going to h*** in a handbasket. I just know it, you know. And so we sit down with our carbs and our sugar in front of the TV to numb, you know, the race in our brain, you know, and it works temporarily. I mean let’s food its credit. Like it does work for a moment, you know, where we’re just sort of checked out, numbed out. So we want to escape our minds.

We end up punishing ourselves with food because overeating is punishment

And the last letter is also P again, which stands for punishment. Which is a little strange because we think of food as a reward. Like, oh, I can’t wait till this week’s over. I’m going to get my favorite, you know, meal and my favorite dessert and you know, hang out and chill out. But the thing is, for those of us who go overboard and eat until we’re stuffed, like we sort of miss the mark of fall and we go to stuffed, you know, then we feel terrible and then we’re berating ourselves. Why did I do that again? I swore I was just going to have one bowl of cereal, you know, and here we are at three. And so we have these, you know, self effacing thoughts and we berate ourselves. That is not a reward. Like I’m sorry, but that is like the reward. What reward? We’re beating the crap out of ourselves, you know. And so so the point is as overeaters, we’re also over feelers and we tend to feel bad about everything. Like it’s always our fault and we’re the ones to blame and yada yada. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we’re good blamers as well. We know how to, we know how to blame other people. But point is, we do struggle sometimes with self esteem often. And so we are beating the crap out of ourselves, you know, and it’s just a habit of our minds and so we end up punishing ourselves with food. It’s like people are always, you know, like beating themselves up because they over ate. Well, overeating is punishment enough, you know, when your pants don’t fit and when you don’t want to hang out with your girlfriends the next day because your face is bloated and pimpled like. Like that. That’s harsh. Like, we do that to ourselves. We literally do that to ourselves. And it does beg the question, like, why would I do that? Like, why would I do myself? You know, you’re basically.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, it’s just totally unconscious.

Tricia Nelson: Totally unconscious. But that’s why I want to bring it up like the little pep formula. Pep, painkiller, escape and punishment, so people can start to identify that there is something else going on. It isn’t just that you have a craving for bread. You know, it’s like there is more to. And if you can stop and say pep. Is there something I’m in pain about or uncomfortable about? You know, is. Am I. Is my mind on overdrive about something that happened at work, or am I feeling guilty about something that I have to take care of? You know, start. Just do that little next step of consciousness where we’re just peeking inside our brain to see what’s really going on. Then it’s not about the food. Then it could possibly be an emotional thing that we need to check in about.

Wendy Valentine: So how. How important or helpful is it to find that root cause of, like you had said, okay, back when you were 5 years old. How important is that to go back in your heart? Obviously you have to go back in your heart and your mind. It’s emotional, so there’s some emotions connected that causes that. So how important is it for someone to go, okay, where is this coming from? Why am I emotional eater?

Tricia Nelson: Yeah. Well, here’s the thing. My experiences and what I just described to you in the PEP formula, you don’t have to go to 20 years of therapy to find out, am I in pain, am I afraid, am I beating myself up about something? Like that’s present day present.

Wendy Valentine: Yep.

Tricia Nelson: And I m. Start there because otherwise people are like slogging through therapy, you know, and it’s like, you don’t really have to do. I mean, nothing wrong with therapy, but it’s slow. It’s a slow grow, right? And so what I’ve done is I’ve identified about 20, 24 personality traits that make up what I call the anatomy of the emotional eater. Okay, say on words there. The anatomy of the emotional eater is 24 personality traits that have nothing to do with food but everything to do with why we eat. And so you don’t. Again, you don’t have to go way back in time. And the reason why I say that is because that’s scary. For people like many of us have trauma and it’s like, oh, God, I gotta dig up, every bit of abuse in order to stop overeating. No, you don’t actually, you know, and so, so you can start right now. Like, you can be free now, you know, and so these 24 personality traits are so helpful because the crazy thing is, is that if you’ve known one of us, you’ve known most of us, okay? And, and what I’ve done is I’ve just kind of given people a cheat sheet. Like, here are the main issue, here are the main things that you’re doing in your life today. Again, you don’t have to go way back today. Like, let’s fix what’s going on today, because today is usually, enough, you know, and so things like, I’ll tell you, the top trait of the personality traits is people pleasing, right? So it’s like, it is such a problem for emotional eaters. We are all people pleasers. And part of this is because in our past we did, you know, lack a strong sense of ourselves. I know I did. And so I was looking outside myself for validation. Now, when you’re a kid, you know, and you’ve got an alcoholic parent, like, that’s probably a good thing to do. Like you, you want to please the person who could beat your a**, you know, like, you, like, you want to be good at people pleasing in certain traumatic situations, you know? But the thing is, then it sticks to us and we bring it into our adulthood. And our adulthood is where we’re playing out this, this trait in everyday living. And we can make the changes in our current life again. We don’t have to. We don’t have to. And I’m not saying, like, I, I take people on a journey of deep healing, but I start with the present because that’s the most tangible and something we can do is something about right now.

The way we show up in the world is directly impacting our eating

So the people pleasing. Let me play it out for you. The reason why this is related to how much we eat is that when we’re looking for validation and we say yes to like every extra project at work, you know, and we’re, we’re trying to make everybody happy, which is incredibly stressful, for one thing, you know, and also we’re, we’re killing ourselves trying to do it. Like we’re burning the candle at both ends because we’re trying to be superwoman because we want the accolades. We want people to say, isn’t she amazing? Like, oh my God, like, wow, she put on that, that Whole party, single handedly, like, oh, and did you see the hors d’oeuvres? They were magnificent. Like, like okay, we, we want to hear that. It feels so good. It’s very ego feeding and it’s also very temporary. Like, like the next day you might get some thank yous. But my experience as a reformed people, like people, a reformed professional people pleaser is that nobody’s ever as pleased as we plan on them being. Right. Like, like they kind of take you for granted, you know. And then we’re not only exhausted from all the people pleasing and all the extra effort, but we’re also p** off because we’re not getting, you know, the recognition we had hoped for that we fantasized about. You know. And then that combination of being exhausted and p** off is the perfect, you know, it’s really the perfect storm for I deserve it Binge. Like screw them. They’re not going to recognize me. I’m going to treat myself, you know, because I work so hard, you know. And so I’m just saying this is an example of how the way we’re showing up in the world is directly impacting our eating. You know, and also when you’re stressed out, it’s just easier to stress eat right? Like when you’re stressed out, you don’t take care of yourself. You don’t give time for yourself or for meditation or yoga or anything or cooking healthy meals. You know, it’s so much easier to overeat. But this is something we can do something about and actually have to do something about. Like if you just change your diet, you know, take away all your goodies and then you don’t stop the way you’re living. M. If you don’t make changes in the way you live, it will it. You will not change the way you eat. And I often say it’s a living problem, not an eating problem for this very reason. Like you have to go to the scene of the crime, which is how am I living? You know, I can do something about that. I can start to set boundaries on my time. I can say no, let someone else do the extra project. Like really, it’s not, it’s not going to kill me. M To not do it right or not not to have that little extra bit of, you know, admiration from people. And so this is something we can do. It’s sort of like we take our power back. Life is happening to us. We’re making choices. We’re, we’re, we’re making choices to blow off self care. You Know, we’re making choices to start reading our email at 6:00am before we’ve gotten out of bed, you know, and just get our get nervous system fired right away, you know. So the nice thing is is there are practical things we can do to make changes which absolutely will impact the way we eat. I mean I, I obviously I have a whole system for this and, and it’s better if you do the whole system. But point is it’s, this is, to me this is the heart of the matter which is you can’t change your eating, you have to change your living which will directly impact how you eat.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, that totally makes sense because I was thinking that as you know you struggle with emotional eating, you’re going to struggle in other areas of your life, probably in most areas. And as you heal that emotional eating, then that’s going to help the other areas of your life.

Tricia Nelson: It’s like this nice ripple effect totally and vice versa. As you heal things in your life, it also helps you heal your eating as well because you’re not as stressed out. Like you have to do something about the stress.

Wendy Valentine: Right.

Tricia Nelson: You know, like you have to change the stress level because so much of our eating is stress related. You know, it’s also being tired, it’s also being superwoman and not asking for help. Right. Not delegating like trying to do it all ourselves. There’s just, there’s many common ways that we, that we are the racing mind. You know, it’s like we, we need a way to calm our brain that isn’t like carb related. Yes.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, yeah. Going back to what you’re saying before, like, okay, if you’re going to go to the fridge and you’re in overeaters can be overthinkers and think about that, that, think about that, that how much space that is taking in your mind and in your body and in your life and then every move that you make and that if you didn’t have all of that chaos going mind and in your body, it frees up space for you to do so many more amazing things in your life or not. Or take a nap in Nice. And just have peaceful moments. You know what I mean?

Tricia Nelson: Yeah. Imagine that.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. It doesn’t have to control your whole life.

Tricia Nelson: Yeah. No, no question about it. Gives you back your life is what it does. Because food takes up, you know, for emotional eaters, food takes up a good part of our day. And I don’t mean we’re eating all day long, but we’re certainly thinking about eating all Day long, you know, and that obsession with food and with weight, it may not be you’re obsessed with eating. You might just be obsessed with your tummy or your a**, because they’re not perfect, you know, and so that just robs us of our. Our present moment. You know, it robs us of quality time and attention with our family members. You know, it’s like we’re. We’re in. In body, we’re sitting with somebody. I mean, I would sit with somebody, I’d be nodding my head and I’d be thinking, once they go to bed, I’m hitting that ice cream, you know. And so it just robs us of that present moment, which is sad because it goes on for years.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

There are certain foods that we gravitate towards that will make us feel comfortable

So you were talking about, like, with comfort foods. Why is that? Why is it there’s certain foods that we really just gravitate towards that, that will make us feel, quote unquote, comfortable.

Tricia Nelson: Yeah, I mean, there’s no question, you know, muffins are more comforting than salads.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, I’ll agree with that. Yeah.

Tricia Nelson: You know, carbs and sugar, I mean, they just are comforting. Part of it is physical. We do get a serotonin and dopamine hit from those things. so there is a physical chemical reaction from that. and. And so it does. It also, the more filling, the higher the amount of calories, the more filling it is, the less we’re going to feel our discomfort. You know, salad isn’t going to, you know, put a blanket on our. Our edgy emotions the way carbs are. You know, so when we reach for heavier, higher calorie foods, it’s really. Because again, this is not a conscious thought, but what’s happening and what we know from experience is that’ll put a coating on our feelings so that we don’t feel them as much. It’s sort of like, you know, you’ve heard of people say, saying, like, they need a drink to take the edge off. Right. And we do it. We do that with carbs as well. We want to take the edge off. It’s like nobody stops to say, what is that edge, by the way? Right. Like, we never follow that through and say, what’s the edge? You know, we’re always just like, I gotta take the edge off. The edge is stress. The edge is people pleasing. The edge is, you know, sad feelings. I mean, it’s like, it’s. That’s. That’s where we should put our attention, is how do I soften this edge without medicating it? You know, with Carbs and sugar, basically. So I mean, bottom line is, to answer your question, they work like comfort food work. They do comfort us. And it’s not terrible to need comfort from food or to want to eat something a little more carb rich, you know, for comfort. It’s just that if somebody is on the spectrum of emotional eating or even food addiction, oftentimes they won’t be able to have just a little bit. They’ll keep m going and then it turns, turns into a show, basically.

Wendy Valentine: So what is the difference between the two?

Tricia Nelson: Yeah, great question. So I, what I’ve identified is the fact that it’s really a spectrum and we’re all on the spectrum. You know, it’s not, I m really feel like we were hardwired from birth to get comfort from eating. Just. Which is why, you know, breastfeeding is such a beautiful, magical experience for the mother and the child. Right. Like it’s, that’s no an okay thing that’s meant to, it’s a bonding experience. It’s beautiful. It makes a child feel emotionally safe, you know, and so we have it in us. to get comfort from food. That’s not a bad thing. If you’re on the low end of the emotional eating spectrum, like once in a while you just want some cookies and it brings you comfort and that’s it, you know, and it’s not a big deal, but that’s somebody on the low end of the, of the spectrum. Whereas somebody like me ended up on the high end of the spectrum, which is emotional, you know, emotional eating, slash food addiction. And when you’re in the addiction, area of the spectrum. And by the way, I have a quiz on my website, free quiz somebody can take to find out where they end up on that spectrum. They get a personalized score. So, you know, the food addiction area of that means that like any classic signs of addiction, you can’t stop once you start. And again, not salads, we’re talking about sugar and carbs mostly. You can’t stop once you start. You have little control. Basically. control and consequences are the two big things that will determine where you are in the spectrum. control, you know, being whether you can stop or course correct. Think about somebody who goes on a cruise. You know, when you go on a cruise, you typically pre pay. So it’s like you’ve, you’ve paid for the all you can eat. You’re like, well d***, I paid for it, I’m going to eat it, you know, and so you have wine and cheese And. And desserts galore. And then you come home and you’re five pounds heavier and you’re like, my pants don’t fit. So someone on the low end of the spectrum, Wendy, will be like, okay, that’s it. I’m cutting out sweets for the next two weeks and I’m going to jog an extra two miles a day. Like, that’s my solution. And within two weeks, if they actually do that, yeah, they took off the five pounds and their jeans fit again. But somebody on the high end of the spectrum will be like, I’m gonna go for it. It’s all you can eat. They come home, they’ve gained those five pounds, and instead their mind turns really dark and they’re like, I suck. I can’t do. You know, I. I look like I’m just gonna keep eating, you know? And so, like, plus, I tasted that. I tasted that, you know, those brownies. And I haven’t had brownies in a year. Like, oh my God, I gotta get more brownies. You know, and so they don’t course correct. So they lose control and before they know.

Wendy Valentine: And I’m sure there’s shame and shame attached to that.

Tricia Nelson: All of it. Yes. Which. Which compounds the problem and just perpetuates the eating. And before you know it, the £5 turns into 10, turns into 15, and it could be four months before they get back on track. So that’s difference. You know, as somebody who doesn’t have a lot of control and has. If you do that cycle over and over, you know, for women, I. Yeah, I. I serve older women probably like you. Right. So. So the thing is, if you’ve been doing this for decades, the, the yo yoing, you know, roller coaster ride, your body is getting beat up by that.

I recommend people take the quiz to understand and heal from emotional eating

You know, it’s very unhealthy to be gaining and losing, which I did. I had like five different sizes of pants in my closet because I never knew what size I was going to be, you know? And your body takes a hit and then it becomes prediabetic or diabetic, you know, and then you’ve got heart trouble or you’ve got gut issues or autoimmune issues.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And the menopause is kicking in.

Tricia Nelson: yeah. Depression, anxiety. Right. And so it’s like the level of consequences also determines where you end up on that spectrum as well. You know, when you’ve been doing this for decades, you’re probably addicted, right. To food. and so again, take. I recommend people take the quiz as a way of sort of Starting, to really understand and grapple with the whole issue of emotional eating and healing from it.

Wendy Valentine: So if someone has, you know, emotional eating and or the food addiction, do they not have the. Or what am I trying to say? Like when your brain kicks in to tell you, hey, you’re full now, stop eating, you’re full, does that signal kind of just go away or does it doesn’t kick it until way after the fact when you’re like so full you’re just like. Does that make sense? I don’t know if that question came out right.

Tricia Nelson: Well, it was very. I love the theatrics. Yeah, that’s basically it.

Wendy Valentine: I’ve been there before. Yeah.

Tricia Nelson: I know exactly what that feels like. yeah, I mean, I think that people who have been on the roller coaster ride have really skewed hormones, like hunger hormones. You know, leptin can be out of whack, ghrelin can be out of whack, you know, for sure. But it’s also habit, you know, it’s also just a force of habit. Like when you’re used to just reaching for food all the time, that really, gets deeply ingrained where you just think you have to feel a certain way, which is like numb, you know, and anything off of numb feels painful, even though it’s just a feeling like they’re human emotions. But we’re just so like, like allergic to human emotions because we haven’t felt them in so long. We’ve just been numb for so long and we’ve been just, just you know, on a titration. Right. Of, of of trying to manage the numbness, you know. and so it’s just been, been kind of crazy for a long time. So a lot of it’s just habit and also just fear of feeling, fear of feeling uncomfortable at all. so I find that my clients need to learn how to feel. Like literally learn how to feel. They also need new tools M. To replace the food. Remember I told you at the beginning, like I took away my foods when I dieted and then all my feelings came to the surface. Well, that’s why people self sabotage routinely because they are not prepared for the intensity of the emotions that have been asleep for so long. And so, so it’s really important that we learn to acclimate to being sentient beings with it, with an array of feelings on a daily basis without getting alarmed by any of them or thrown or scared or in reaction to them by overeating. But that takes new tools. And so It’s. It’s really like we need to learn to feel for the first time in our lives.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And to embrace whatever feelings bubble to the surface. It’s okay if you feel angry or sad or depressed or even guilt. Like, I’ve been studying a lot of, David Hawkins, the emotional scale. And I was thinking about when you were talking about when you were younger, and you would, okay, like, I’m. I’m upset, so I want to go eat. And then you get more upset and eat more. And then it’s suspicious cycle. And I was thinking just in that. That desire to go grab something to hopefully heal that feeling, and then it goes in circle and like the emotions that take place within just maybe 30 minutes.

Tricia Nelson: Totally.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. So that’s. It’s interesting to think what is going on mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, all in one big swoop.

Tricia Nelson: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: Hoping with. With the intention of trying to solve that, but in actually it getting worse.

Tricia Nelson: Yeah. If you’re not prepared, if you don’t have new tools to replace the food, you’re gonna m. You’re not gonna last. Like, you’re gonna react and go back to the food. That’s why, you know, Honestly, that’s why 98% of all diets fail, because people, they’re not equipped to deal, you know, to wake up emotionally, to be conscious of their thoughts and feelings. And it sounds probably awful to somebody who has never done it, but it’s, you know, don’t forget, you know, when we numb out the bad feelings, we also numb out the good feelings. You know, and so it’s like we’re numb overall and we just can’t, you know, you just can’t feel as much overall, which means you don’t feel the. The good ones as much either. Like, those are dampened as well. And it’s. It’s so wonderful to be free and to to be able to just have a bigger container for feelings where nothing really throws you. You just, like, you roll with it. You roll with it, you deal with it and you keep going. But then you can really feel so clear. Clear in your mind. Right. More fog brain and. And also clear in your heart where you’re just totally present with people and you can feel love and you can feel. You know, it’s really great because then you can, you know, something’s not right. You know, it like you’re not walking around like a zombie. Like, you know, you’re not in a food coma. You know, when somebody hurts your feelings and then you can address it, and then you can move on, and you don’t have to live hating on somebody. Right. So it’s like. It’s just a cleaner way to live all the way around.

Zoom says we really need community to help us lose weight

Wendy Valentine: You can feed yourself, no pun intended, in other ways, right?

Tricia Nelson: Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And, one of those ways is connection. Like, nobody can do this alone, you know, My experience is we really need community. I do. All my programs are done in community, you know, thank you, Zoom. And, and it’s. It’s all online. And it’s just really important that we have other people who have eaten the way we’ve eaten, you know, who are on a healing journey. Because that connection, you know, is really, It’s really healing. It is soul food for us. We can’t do it in a silo, otherwise we’re gonna. Again, our minds are so negatively, programmed against us that we really need cheerleaders. We need cheerleaders. We need people to show us the way and to cheer us on every step of the way.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And that you’re not alone.

Tricia Nelson: Yeah. Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: So how does somebody. Yeah, how does somebody know, the difference between emotional hunger and physical hunger?

Tricia Nelson: Yeah. what I do is I have my clients, because they’re very similar. It’s crazy. I mean, I’ve been doing this work for over 30 years, and I still sometimes will, like, try to fool myself at least. you know, I’ll be. It’ll be like 10 in the morning. Be like, I’m starving. Like, I try to convince myself I’m hungry, and then I’m like, really? Like, you had a great breakfast. You’re really not starving. You know, you gotta have to talk to yourself. You know, and so the thing is, because I eat three meals a day without snacking, which is the extent of the diet advice I give people. I mean. I mean, I do give people more than that, but I don’t give people a food plan, per se, unless they want one. and so, because the three meal. I call it three meal magic, that three meal thing is really great because what it does is it puts space between my meals, and if I’m feeding myself, I mean, part of the problem. People set themselves up by skipping meals.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Tricia Nelson: You know, and it’s like you get too hungry, and then you feel like you are starving, and then you compensate, overcompensate. When you start eating again, you open your window, you know, and my experience is, if you eat three healthy, solid meals a day, you know, again, I eat a breakfast at, you know, 7 or 8 in the morning at 10, when I’m like, no, really, I’m starving. You know, I can talk myself down from that because I’m like, no, you’re not. You, you had a healthy breakfast at 8. What is really going on? And then we can have that conversation, like, oh, well, there’s a phone call I’m afraid to make. You know, the fear is making me anxious, which makes me want to eat, you know, and so I can have the real conversation of what am I feeling? Go back to pep. You know, what’s, what’s uncomfortable for me right now, what’s scary, right? What am I hurting over? What am I feeling guilty about? You know, and that conversation is so, so profitable for us because we can get to the bottom of it, like very quickly and be like, oh, I’m not really hungry. It’s, it’s, it’s never about the food, honestly. It’s like, I’m not hungry, I’m afraid, I’m not great. I’m anxious, I’m not hungry, I’m lonely. And then you can take care of the real feeling. Like call a girlfriend, you know, go for a walk with somebody, right? Take a nap. you know, get outside, get some fresh air. you know, write down all, do a list of the things you’re afraid of. You know, get it out of your head onto paper. There’s so many tools that can help us address those emotions in an appropriate way.

Wendy Valentine: And then I would think too, when you go through all of this, the bonuses, you naturally, I would think, just lose the weight.

Tricia Nelson: Yeah, A m. Bonus. Absolutely. Like, you don’t. Yeah, my clients lose weight without dieting. Like they get off the diet. I’m very clear. Like, diets aren’t working. We’ve all tried them for decades. Like, let’s get off the diet track. Let’s, let’s have the real conversation. Let’s do the real work, you know, and set up really healthy self care tools for ourselves. And then, yeah, if you’re not emotionally eating, you automatically are losing weight because you’re not eating excess food. Because the excess food is emotionally driven. If you’re just eating three healthy meals and you’re not reaching for food just to like make you feel better, you know, Meaning, to treat your emotions. Yeah, you don’t have to diet.

Wendy Valentine: If you think about it too. Just like I was saying before, with the emotional roller coaster and the physical roller coaster of it, the cortisol spikes because of the stress that your, that your body and your mind is under. And again, like if you’re addressing that, you’re getting underneath all of that. You’re lowering your stress, you’re lowering that cortisol, and then you’re like, whoa, you wake up, you’re like, yeah, it gets.

Tricia Nelson: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: Now becoming a totally new person.

Tricia Nelson: Natural energy. I meditate twice a day, and it’s like, like oxygen for me. I love it. It’s just I. You know, I don’t need. I don’t need food in the afternoon as a pick me up. Like, I just sit down and do a little meditation, and then I’m like, m. Good as new.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And I would think, too, people are finding their own toolbox of the things that make them feel good. Like when they’re.

Trisha Nelson’s new book Heal your Hunger comes out December 7th

They reach for those tools, like going for a walk or calling a friend, like you said, or sitting down for meditation. Like, whatever works, person, but whatever works. Just stick with that.

Tricia Nelson: Yeah, yeah. And develop new ones, you know, so you have a. A full toolbox.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. This is so good. I. I love this. And like I said, I think this comes out December 7th, right before Christmas, so. Which is, like, can be.

Tricia Nelson: Yeah. Triggering central. Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: Triggering for a lot of people. Yeah. Well, thank you so much. And where can we find you?

Tricia Nelson: My, website is healyourhunger.com. that’s H E A L healyourhunger.com. that’s where you can find the free quiz. Find out if you’re an emotional eater or a food addict or somewhere in between. Get a personalized score. my podcast is the Heal your Hunger show, and I talk a lot about my own personal journey there. also on Instagram, I’m Trisha Nelson. Underscore. So I’ve got lots of fun videos on there as well. And my book is Heal youl Hunger seven Simple Steps to End Emotional Eating Now. And that’s. You can find that through my website, but also on Amazon.

Wendy Valentine: Yes. And actually, when we hang up here, I’ll add that to my Amazon store. So, you guys can get it there as well. So thank you so much, Trisha.

Tricia Nelson: Oh, thanks for having me. I love the work that you do. I’m excited for you and. And your new book coming out. And, Yeah, I know. We’ll talk again soon.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Thank you so much, everyone. Have a great day.