How to Reinvent Yourself at Midlife with Radical Living
Are you ready to shake things up and take control of your next chapter? In this episode of The Midlife Makeover Show, host Wendy Valentine welcomes back Marni Battistaβtransformational coach, relationship expert, and now author of Your Radical Living Challenge. If you feel stuck, uninspired, or unsure of whatβs next, this episode is your roadmap to reinvention, self-discovery, and authentic living.
Marni shares the seven essential questions that changed her life and explains how you, too, can create a bold, fulfilling midlifeβwithout blowing up everything youβve built. π
What You’ll Learn:
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How to embrace radical living without being reckless
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The seven powerful questions that will change your life
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Why midlife reinvention doesnβt have to mean starting over
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The surprising connection between wisdom, intuition, and reinvention
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How to let go of limiting beliefs and step into your fullest potential

What is Radical Living? π₯
Most people think of radical living as reckless, impulsive, or rebellious. But Marni defines it differently:
βRadical living is about rerouting back to who you truly are and expressing that in the world.β β Marni Battista
Itβs not about quitting your job overnight or making drastic changes without thoughtβitβs about realigning your life with your deepest desires, passions, and values.
How Marni Reinvented Herself at Midlife π
After 17 years of marriage and raising three kids, Marni found herself navigating divorce, single motherhood, and career shifts. She built a successful business and found love againβbut her real transformation happened after a traumatic ski accident.
Instead of going back to βbusiness as usual,β she decided to throw out the script, sell her home, and travel the U.S. in an RV with her husband. π This journey led her to discover seven essential questions that became the foundation of her book, Your Radical Living Challenge.
The 7 Essential Questions for a Bold Midlife Reset π
Marniβs book is based on seven powerful questions that help you navigate change, reclaim control, and redefine success on your own terms. Hereβs a sneak peek at a few:
π‘ Did you seek wisdom? β Are you asking the right questions to move forward?
π‘ Were you radically honest? β Are you being truthful with yourself about what you really want?
π‘ Did you make time for your spiritual life? β Are you nurturing your soul, not just your schedule?
Marni explains that these questions serve as a compassβguiding you through career changes, relationship shifts, or personal growth.
Why Midlife is the Best Time to Reinvent Yourself π«
Many women in midlife feel stuck in routines, weighed down by obligations, or unsure of their next move. Marni reminds us that midlife is the perfect opportunity for reinvention.
You donβt have to blow up your life to create change. Start small, experiment with new possibilities, and align your actions with your values.

Practical Steps to Start Your Radical Life Today π
Feeling inspired? Here are a few actionable steps to start your radical living journey today:
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Ditch the shoulds β Stop living by what society or others expect.
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Take micro-risks β Experiment with small, exciting changes before making big ones.
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Ask better questions β Shift from βWhy is this happening?β to βWhat is this here to teach me?β
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Find your soulβs superpower β Identify what truly lights you up and lean into it.
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Embrace the messy middle β Transformation isnβt linear, and thatβs okay!
Listen Now & Start Living Radically! ποΈ
If youβre ready to ditch the fear, embrace change, and create a midlife you love, then this episode is a must-listen. π§
πΒ Click here to listen now!
π And donβt forget to grab Marniβs book, Your Radical Living Challenge, available now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Audible!
π Connect with Marni!
Watch it on YouTube!
READ THE FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE
Marnie Bautista’s radical living challenge comes out today
Marni Battista: Foreign.
Wendy Valentine: Welcome back to the Midlife Makeover Show. I’m your host, Wendy Valentine. And if you’ve ever found yourself at a crossroads wondering what’s next, today’s episode is for you. Our guest is someone so good, we just had to have her back for a second time. You might remember her from episode 135, Finding Love at Midlife. So if you haven’t heard that one yet, go check it out. Our guest today is Marnie Bautista. Best name ever, by the way. Transformational coach, entrepreneur, relationship expert, and podcast host. And now she’s adding author to the mix with her book, your radical living challenge coming out today. Like, right now. Like, go get the book. After you listen to this episode. This book is all about rebuilding your life with purpose and authenticity, using seven essential questions that help you navigate change, reclaim control, and truly live on your own terms. Marnie knows firsthand what it means to start over. After 17 years of marriage and raising three children, she found herself as a single mom, reinvented her life, built a successful business, and found love again. But it was a traumatic ski accident and a deep personal loss that led her to throw out the script some, sell her home and hit the road in an rv, ultimately discovering the seven questions that changed everything. Today we’re diving into those questions. How to create a life that truly fulfills you and why radical living might be the secret to your next chapter. I think it is. Get ready for an inspiring and thought provoking conversation.
Please welcome Marty to the show. I just want Wendy to introduce me. Uh, I think that’s, like, my favorite part
Please welcome Marty to the show. I think that’s, like, my favorite part is just reading the intro.
Marni Battista: I, know. I love that you’re so great at it. I’m like, forget. I just want Wendy to introduce me. All over the world, I used to do them separate.
Wendy Valentine: Like, I would record it, like, after, you know, the interview, but I was just like, why don’t I just do it before? It’s so much easier.
Marni Battista: And then you can hear.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah, it’s like, yeah.
Marni Battista: I mean, thank you. Is that me?
Wendy Valentine: So, Marnie, you and I have so much in common.
Marni Battista: Yes.
Wendy Valentine: Let’s see. Three kids, divorce, death. let’s see. You lost your dad. I lost, my brother, my ex husband. We’ll throw a drama into the mix of everything that we have in common. And then, of course, our veen.
Marni Battista: Yes.
Wendy Valentine: We are wild women.
Marni Battista: We are wild women. We are, we are adventurous souls.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Radical, radical living.
What is radical living and what does it mean to you
What is, what does radical living mean to you?
Marni Battista: So radical to me means rerouting m based on who you really are and then expressing that in the World. And I was on a coaching call with a bunch of ladies, and this woman was like, talking about, like, wanting to like, run her business from abroad. She has French lineage. She, you know, just all this stuff. And she was like, you know, I’m just so tired of worrying about what people would think if I do like, something, because now it’s like, oh my God, she’s crazy. Right? Or, you know, like, wow, that’s, you know, that’s, that’s bold. What? And she was like. And I said, I just want radical living to be the norm instead of this like, crazy thing you do because you’re like a rebel or.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah.
Marni Battista: You’re not conventional. because I think that those things are associated with a personality type.
Wendy Valentine: Right.
Marni Battista: But like, introverts can live a radical life. People who like security and stability can lead a radical life. It’s really just rerouting into what you want and dropping the should life and then pursuing that in your own way. It’s not about being reckless.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah. It’s about, being authentically you being untethered and unleashed and unhinged and un. Whatever.
Marni Battista: Without blowing up the life that you work so hard to have. Right. Because we’re all grown ups and we have that security and stability that is important when you’re grown up. So how do you start testing out what feels radical to you? What is your next big adventure? What is something that you’ve always dreamed of doing in a way that allows you to enjoy the process of figuring that out and not having to leave without a parachute?
Wendy Valentine: Yes. Yeah. How do you do that? How do you actually like for you and I. Not like we’re like, special or something like that, but just because we have like, been living the radical life, if you will.
Marni Battista: Yeah.
Wendy Valentine: For someone that’s like, I don’t know. Oh my God, Live in an rv. Oh my gosh. Divorce. You know, like all of those things that seem so scary. How do you kind of like, dip your toe in the water, if you will, of radical living?
Marni Battista: Yeah. So when I. So I had this ski accident and it was like, like, you know, millimeters away from being a very different outcome. And I had all those things. I built the business. I had the cute, amazing second husband, my kids, I got them out of the nest. They were all doing really well. but I realized that I was terrified of change. You know, like, it was, it was the time I could, but I just really felt terrified. I felt like the world that I built around me was my stability. And that if I Moved anything on the outside. Then I. It was like a game of Jenga. Like if you just pull it out wrong, like everything goes. And that felt really uncomfortable. So I started looking at like, well, how would, what do I want? What would I do? What could I do? And I couldn’t find anything, Wendy, except like for women in midlife, it was like, get a hobby, you know, like join a pickleball league. or there was a lot of like, you know, you need to get, you need to let your kids be independent. You know, how do you like, like untether yourself from your kids? That’s your problem. You’re just over attached to your identity as the mom. Right. And none of that fits. So. So when I found the design thinking model at Stanford University, which is how products are developed.
Wendy Valentine: Yes.
Marni Battista: I was like, wait a minute, that’s interesting because they’re designing products. So if the product you want is your ideal life and then you are the user of that product, then what if I walk through that process with a spiritual framework? that made perfect sense to me. So I, I got really invested in looking at that and then using that as a very safe, structured, fun way of figuring out what would make me happy. that allowed me to enjoy the journey as well as being focused on like, well, what is the destination? Because just being your head, being like, should I move to Austin or Florida? Like, that is so limiting. And what I discovered is through that process, I created a product that I couldn’t have thought of. right. Just by sitting down with a piece of paper in the Internet.
Wendy Valentine: The product being.
Marni Battista: You were like, yeah, my ideal life.
Wendy Valentine: Interesting. I’m still like trying that on right now. I’m like, huh? yeah, yeah. So.
Marni Battista: So the answer is like, how do you do that? Right? Like, well, you need a framework. And I just didn’t. There wasn’t a framework. And so now I was like, well, I found it. Now I’m going to write a book about it. I’m going to share my journey going through it. Because it is a spiritual experience in itself. To live a radical life and to just be fully expressed.
M. M. wrote a book about recovering from a ski accident
So that’s what the book is about. It’s walking people through that framework, that step by step process. And then I share my own story going through it. So I go through it with you.
Wendy Valentine: I did get to read the very first part about your ski accident. Holy moly. I mean, obviously it changed you because hence the book and.
Marni Battista: All right, it did. It’s kind of interesting, like when I look back on it that moment was a metaphor for my life in so many ways. because as I was, it was a, you know, the setting. If you ski, you can relate to this, but just imagine anything that you love to do. It was like, ideal conditions. Like, I had brand new ski boots. I was like, girls, girlfriend, ski day. and my friend was, like, come down this path and I could have gone down the other path. And, I had a feeling of don’t be a follower. M. And. But I went anyway. And it was way too. It was a lot. And so anyway, I fell and I broke these seven bones in my sacrum. And then. And so when I think about it, it’s like, I’m a follower. I’m just doing what everyone tells me to do. I don’t. Don’t really think very much for myself. I trust everyone else, not myself. and then I just go flying down this thing, like, like, you know, zooming down this mountain top. and that’s how I was doing life, right? I was just like, doing this, doing that. What. What is this person doing? What is that person doing? I’m not good enough as this person. Why? You know, and, and that, and so that, that decision was like the universe going, let me show you the growth areas. And then I’m going to make you sit for nine weeks or lay, and not move and not be able to do any of those things. No zooming around. and then you could figure out what’s gonna happen in the rest of your life. And so the universe did not whisper. It screamed because I was too busy to listen to the whispers. And there were many.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah, yeah. That’s so wild. I mean, that. And you could, like, you. You could, you could have taken an accident and do one or the other. You could have laid there, be like, what was me, this is my life. And. Or you could, like, done nothing at all, done nothing different, but instead you radically changed your life.
Marni Battista: Well, the thing is, and I talk about this in the book, and every overachiever listening will relate. So I, I’ve never been like a, oh, poor me person too much. I’m more of like a, I’ll show you kind of a person.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah.
Marni Battista: So I was like, okay, fine. I’m gonna make the biggest, fast, fastest, best recovery. I’m going to blow everyone’s mind. I’m going to get over this faster than everyone expects. And, in the book, I talk about, how I was lying to myself and others about my recovery process. And then I was p* that I Wasn’t better and I was supposed to be. And I couldn’t figure out why because I went to the, the doctor, the spine doctor, you know, whatever. 12 weeks later, and they’re like, nope, everything is healed. I’m like, well, why can’t I walk without pain? He was like, I don’t know, but you’re healed. See you later. You know, like, your bones are fine. and then I was like, what is wrong? Like, why is this happening to me? And I talk about that. Like, the questions I was asking were not the questions that were giving the answer to healing. They were the very much the like, fix this, let’s move on, let’s get it done. I don’t have time for this. Which is how I think when, when things don’t go our way, we just tend to like, try and power through, you know, laying in bed at night, like, what’s the answer? What’s the answer? Maybe it’s this, maybe it’s that, you know, and then your social media trying.
Wendy Valentine: To, trying to force it. Trying, like, trying to force. Yes. Yeah. Trying to force your spirit into like, oh, this is what we’re doing. Like, no, actually, no, maybe we’re not.
Marni Battista: Yeah. So that was, I think that really was the part of where I was like, I surrender, like, what the h*** is actually going on?
The conventional questions I was asking about my healing were not giving me answers
Wendy Valentine: The seven questions I love. where. Let me go down here. Let’s see. Number the first one is, did you seek wisdom? Were you, you, were you radically honest with yourself? Did you busy yourself with creation? Did you make time for your spiritual life? Were you hopeful? And did you recognize the blessing, which is the one that like, really made the biggest shift for you?
Marni Battista: Oh my gosh. I mean, what’s crazy about these questions is they’re very much synergistic and come together. But the first, the first one was, did you seek wisdom? because the conventional questions I was asking about my healing were not giving me answers. I was trying everything. Like I was. And of course, you know, the phone was giving me, like, solutions. Try this supplement. You know, I was googling, like chronic, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, like buying, I mean, buying $97, like hip, you know, whatever. I mean, I was just, I was going to gurus and quacks and healers and just all this kind of stuff. because. And you will totally get this, Wendy. So I was, I remember crying and laying in bed at night saying to my husband, if I don’t fix this, I won’t be able to go to A little village in Europe and walk down the street and go into shots. because I couldn’t walk. Like they couldn’t walk without pain. Like debilitating pain. And I thought, how can I live my life? What am I going to do? I’m. I mean, I wasn’t even thinking about being active or working out. I was just like, how am I going to walk down the street, you know, or sit in an airplane or whatever it is. So I decided to, start asking different kind of questions. And I call them wisdom seeking questions. And they’re actually questions to. Designed to get to the unconscious truth to answer your most difficult challenges in life. And in the book, there’s 120 of them in the appendix. Yeah. So, because people for years have been saying like, how do. I don’t know, what do you ask? And I’m like, well, let me give you some great ones. and they’re, they’re opening up your consciousness. And so in that process, what I discovered was that, I. Well, first of all, there’s like, it’s kind of crazy. I broke seven places in my sacrum, which is the foundation of yourself, your physical self. It’s the, your foundation. and what I realized is that I found these seven questions because I had to rebuild the foundation on which I had built my life.
Wendy Valentine: It’s like the seven chakras.
Marni Battista: Yes, exactly. And I had built my life on a completely different, set of, of metrics around what would make a successful life. And I kept. I was never going to get there. Like, and every time I got there, it wasn’t enough. And I never felt satiated, I never felt happy. But, And so in asking this question, like, what is this pain here to really teach and show me. It was that I had built my whole life from the neck up, going, doing, achieving, striving, the ladder to nowhere. And what would it look like if I started to live my life from my heart and my soul and really re. Re direct so that my life is an expression of that on my own terms and stop being follower. And so once I started asking wisdom, seeking questions, like it was like breadcrumbs. And then everything just, you know, like.
Wendy Valentine: It’S like the universe just rolled out the red carpet for you. Like, here you go.
Marni Battista: Well, I wouldn’t say it rolled out the red carpet because, well, I mean.
Wendy Valentine: Once it kind of like starts to like, like revealed to you, it’s like.
Marni Battista: Yes, I, it was, it became m. Really clear. Right. Like that’s what I wanted, I was like, what is the, the path? And so asking these questions really just unfolded so many things. It unfolded, the idea that I had for the book, like that came from this process, like so many things. Right. That I couldn’t think of. And that’s really my message for people who are listening. Like I’ve been sitting in front of the computer like all of you, you know, 10 best places to retire in 2025. What’s a great career for Da da da da da. What do I need to like make more get better at sale? what do I need to get a promotion? Like those are all knowledge based questions. And so I’m here to tell you that if you feel stuck, but like the start off with the what is this stuckness here to teach me there’s some spiritual lesson that I’m avoiding or something in my life that I’m tolerating. And, and, and the problem you think you have isn’t really the problem, there’s a deeper one. And so in the book I teach you how to figure out what is that essential problem through these questions. And that felt like a relief to know.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah, I mean let’s be real, like we have a ton of information like at our fingertips. It’s not the information we need, it’s the transformation that we need. It’s yes, we need knowledge, but it’s really the wisdom. I’m like, I think like that word just kind of taken for granted. Like wisdom. Like well, what is wisdom? It’s like what is radical living? And what is wisdom? Like wisdom to me, like that is. It’s in your heart and in your soul and no one can give it to you. Now the only way you become wise in your own life is, is by experience, is by asking those questions and going, why is this here? Why is this showing up? Why do I have this pain? How can I, you know, it’s not searching, it’s not having chat GPT give you your life answer.
Wisdom is the cumulative insight and intuition from our lived experience
Yeah.
Marni Battista: Wouldn’t that be great?
Wendy Valentine: Yeah.
Marni Battista: Here’s the other thing about wisdom that I really love is that wisdom we have is the cumulative insight and intuition from our lived experience so far and ah, in our, in our soul’s journey. Right. And so, so many people, that I talk to who want to reinvent their life have like come to me with so much regret. I should have done that. I wish I would have done that. You know, it’s too late for me to do that. I wasted all those years with him, you know, and I’m like, wait a minute. Your soul went on this journey and there’s all this wisdom, right? And it’s here for you and the rest of your life is here for you. So when we don’t take the time to really reflect on that and use that as our superpower, we’re, we’re missing out on it. So like, life changes when you go, wait a minute, I got all these gifts. Some of them were pain, some of them were a struggle. But like, I became more of who I am because of that. So like, I should tap in. I could, I could totally like, look at, look at that. I did this exercise with a bunch of clients at a retreat recently. This like, looking at your soul story and what it was here to teach you and what their people’s superpower was and how it can be also their nemesis. And people were like, holy. Like this superpower has been here in my whole life and I, I can use this in the rest of my life and really focus on that and use it to good, and create from that space and then that’s when life feels super fun.
What’s your soul’s superpower? What are your core motivations
Wendy Valentine: What’s. What’s your soul’s superpower?
Marni Battista: Oh my gosh. So, so my superpower is two words. Creating possibility. M. Like if I look back at all the amazing things I’ve done and my resilience and my creativity and that whole like, you know, I just get done. I create possibility. But the dark side or my shadow side in the book I call it like the alligator. Like the little voice in your head that’s like you. Mine, says like, create a possibility. Like fix that. Solve this problem for this person over function for this. Never, be satisfied. Not be great at making decisions. Have self doubt. Like, like just don’t be patient. Find something else. Right?
Wendy Valentine: Yeah.
Marni Battista: And so, so I now am very aware of when I am the shadow side of my superpower is emerging and when the powerful soul expression of my, of my superpowers expressing. And when I walked through and I teach this process in the book about what is your soul map? Like what is your soul actually? What are you doing? How are you doing it? What are the core motivations? It’s so crystal clear. Oh, that’s me being in like an expression of my soul. This is being an expression of my fear.
Wendy Valentine: I think the key is awareness. Knowing who, who are you listening to and who is. It’s like the tale of the. The two wolves, right? Which.
Marni Battista: Yes, whichever one.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah, exactly. Whichever one you feed is the One that wins. Right? Are you gonna feed your superhero or your super Shero? No.
Marni Battista: Yeah. And that, and that is and that is a really powerful choice we can make. Yes.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah. You get to choose it. Yes. Like, I think it’s like once you realize, like, wait a second, I’m the one who is in control of what is going on in my head and in my heart and in my soul. Like I, I’m the one. I have agency over this. Like, I can choose. It’s so funny because just I think it was last week I had I posted this reel is me driving the rv. And the whole purpose of it was like, who was driving your life? Right. Is it, is it your body with all of its physical pain and its limits? Is it your mind with limiting beliefs and doubts and etc, Is it your soul? Like, I mean, I mean who. It’s like we. It was like that whole like with the I think it’s Buddha or whatever. There’s that analogy of the drive the chariot and it’s the horses. Like it’s. Is it your ego that’s driving your life? Like who was really driving your life? Is it the people around you or like you know, following the one, your friend down the, down the hill is who’s driving the show here. So it’s kind of interesting when you really start to look at your life and most importantly just yourself within your life. Almost as if you’re, you know, like you a zoom out approach. What do they call the drone? Like if you were to. Yeah, the drone above you and it’s following you, what would you see? How are you actually behaving in your day to day life? Like who is making the choices here? Like what’s it based upon?
Marni Battista: Yeah. And I think just so many people are afraid and that’s why I think having, for a type A personality, I think it’s a very appropriate to have asked for a structure and a framework.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah, exactly.
Marni Battista: So how can we make change in our life and really get to know who we are and what we really want at a soul level in a way that’s fun without blowing up the life that we have. And that’s how grownups are. Ah, radical.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah. I mean, and you’re so right. It’s not like you have to completely blow up the life that you have. Doesn’t mean you can’t. You, you kind of chip away the things that aren’t working. You keep the things that are working and, and you add to it.
Marni Battista: Yeah. I mean even before we decided to sell the house and, like, live in the RV and all of that stuff. Like, we went through a process to experiment, you know, first, because we thought van life was cool. You know, like, we are watching videos. We’re like, that’s amazing. V. And then we rented a van for, like, two weeks, and we were like, no, we cannot live and work in a van. Even though it’s super cool to, like, just go off road and park, and that would be great for a vacation. and then we were like, okay, well, let’s try something bigger. Ah, for longer, right? Because there were criteria, right? Like, I have to be able to work. I want to be able to work out. Like, how can I stay in touch with my kid?
Having experiments that have questions that you’re actually testing allows you to make decisions
Like, my kids, right? Like, there were a lot of parameters of what I need for my soul to be expressed. That blows my hair back. So then we did that experiment for six weeks, and we learned a whole lot of that, and that was super fun also. So by the time I was like, all right, let’s sell our house and live in an rv and all of that, that took, like, a year. and I had a blast doing it, and I felt really good about that decision. And so experiments are, Which in the design thinking model, they call it prototyping, are really. Because you do them, they’re big ideas. Scale down, and you get to test. And then it’s an iterative feedback loop. And you go, what I liked about it was this. What I didn’t like was this. What could be a good next step? And because our brains are so binary, and we’re usually, I liked it or I didn’t like it. That doesn’t help us move forward.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah.
Marni Battista: So asking. Having experiments that have questions that you’re actually testing allows you to take the data and then continue to assess and adjust so that when you get to the making the decision, you’re like, cool, I’m gonna do that. Right? Like, I had a client who. Who’s in one industry. She’s been in this industry forever. She has, like, an mba. She worked at, like, a top corporation doing this thing. But she has this passion for, like, wellness. And before she sort of started working with me, she was like, I think I’m gonna chuck it all and become a wellness coach. this is what I care about. And so one of her experiments was she took, a class at Inn, right? And after, like, eight weeks, she was like, I like this, and it’s fun, and I’m interested in it, but there is absolutely no way I want to do this. Like, I don’t want to pivot my career. And she was like, ah, that’s so. What a relief. I’ve been thinking, maybe I should do this, maybe I should do that. What would it take to do that? But she didn’t know that actually it was her hobby or it was interesting, but it wasn’t a job that she really wanted to have. and that in her case, it was that she needed to redesign her actual work life. She needed to do work that she loved. And stopped taking on roles in consulting projects with clients she didn’t enjoy. It allowed her to also understand that there is no escape. Wherever you go, there you are. So while she was having fun taking this class, we also looked at, like, the truth of what was going on in business that she had. We’re able to make some of those adjustments to where she’s like, wait, this actually meets my lifestyle? And she also felt guilty because she created this freedom lifestyle by having her own business and leaving corporate. She felt guilty when she wasn’t working. She wasn’t enjoying what she created. So there were a lot of limiting beliefs in there that got revealed that we got to sort through. So this whole process impacts all of your current life. And most of the time, people are able to make these changes that allow them to be more satisfied while they’re figuring out what else.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah, I mean, it always seems like the grass is greener on the other side. Like, oh, yes, I could totally do that. And it in some ways, like you said, took the words out of my mouth, like, escaping, like, okay, oh my gosh, I could just start this new job or new. This new career, and that’s going to solve everything. When really was that the issue? You know, like, you have to really ask the questions to yourself, like, what is. What’s underneath it? Because usually we always think like, okay, this is the issue. But no, why am I feeling this way about this and get underneath it and ask again and again and again until really it’s like, usually it’s something you just don’t even expect.
Marni Battista: Absolutely. And that’s why the question about were you radically honest? Is so important. It goes right hand, in hand with what we’re talking about because I think that we understand. You know, like, in the Ten Commandments, it says, like, you know, you should not lie. And I think for the most part, for most good listeners, you know, we don’t go around lying. Right. but we do go around lying to ourselves all the time. All the time. And When I think about, you know, the end of my life, you know, and I think this is a really important thing. Like, if you found out you had a day, one more day here. M. Not what would you do, but what would you regret?
Wendy Valentine: Yes.
Marni Battista: And I think that a lot of people are tolerating s*** and honest. Right. And so that radical honesty is important. So. Because the whole premise of these seven questions is you’re asked them at the gates of heaven. That’s the story. Right. They come from the ancient Talmudic text, and this is how you define a meaningful life. And so, you know, were you really honest with yourself? Radically honest, and that you’re like, yeah, you know what? Clean slate.
Wendy Valentine: Yep.
One of the things that I talk about in Radical Living is resonance and dissonance
Isn’t that interesting, though? We’re more likely to be honest with others, but not with ourselves.
Marni Battista: Yeah. Role. Yeah. Because it’s easy to, give a checklist. I talked to someone yesterday on my podcast. She’s like, it’s so easy to set conditions for someone else and give them a checklist of tasks. But we don’t do that for ourselves.
Wendy Valentine: No. Because think about it. If we were really honest with ourselves, we know that we would need to do something about it. We would have to make some changes. And sometimes change can be really scary for a lot of people.
Marni Battista: Exactly, exactly. Which is why the test and scale is so good. Because you can start out small.
Wendy Valentine: It’s just like, Marianne Williamson’s quote, our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fears that were powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
Marni Battista: absolutely. And. And, that’s one of my big lessons that I’ve really learned in my radical living is how capable I am beyond what I could have imagined in so many areas.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah. It’s so true. Like, really stepping into your light, really being who you are. And it. I mean, it is scary at first, but then, I don’t know about you, but I feel like after you’ve done it and, like, if you feel like. Oh, really feel like myself, that you can’t imagine not being yourself. Like, you look back at your life like, how did I. How did I act that way for so long?
Marni Battista: Yeah. Well, that’s what’s pretty. So one of the things that I talk about in the book is I call it resonance and dissonance. And we all know, like, something that just, like, locks in. You’re like. That feels resonant, you know, and then we all know the things that are dissonant, but we ignore them. Right. So once you really get A very felt sense of resonance. It becomes very clear. It’s easier to make decisions, it’s easier to say, set boundaries. And it’s easier to understand what is working for me and what isn’t. It’s like you become in tune with yourself and in tune intuition right into me. I see and all of that stuff. And so that resonance then becomes like a beacon of like how you live your life. And when you get rid of all those dissonant choices, those are the shoulds. And more often than not, you’re in a resonance in your life. That’s when life feels. Even amidst the chaos, even though there are challenges going on in the world and around us, we can still find joy. Because that really is the courageous piece is finding joy with. From within.
Wendy Valentine: Hm.
Marni Battista: no matter what is going on in the outside. And I, and I’m not going to say I do it like every day. It’s more often than not. Can I tune in and find resonance and find that joy?
Wendy Valentine: Yes. When you’re in alignment with your heart and soul.
Marni Battista: Yeah.
Wendy Valentine: I kind of think of it like the old fashioned radios. Remember those?
Marni Battista: Yeah.
Wendy Valentine: You know, but you remember how you like you’re turning the dial and you’re trying to get your radio station and even just a tiny bit off, it’d be like. And then you’d have to move the dial a bit more. It’s almost like that, like when you’re, when you’re in tune, like you said, when you’re on your radio station and you hear the music, it’s clear and it’s, it’s bright and it’s beautiful. And then when you’re off a little bit, which is okay, we all fall off, we all get off a little bit. We all like. Okay. Yeah, I’m out of, I’m not in alignment here. You’ll know you, you sense it more. You’ll, you’ll wake up days, you’re like, I don’t. I really feel like me right now.
When my dad died in 2019, I felt his soul leave
Which is like, Brings me to like your second question. Were you you? It’s like, were you you? Like, why? Oh, you like the true you. You meaning your soul, your spirit. I mean really, if you think about it, I was, I always think about like our bodies are. It’s like a candy wrapper. It’s just, it’s keeping my soul in here for me. But underneath that candy wrapper is me. And underneath your candy wrapper is you.
Marni Battista: Yeah. You know, it’s kind of interesting. When my dad died in 2019, I was. I felt very blessed, you know, to like be there with him when he passed. And that was, if anyone’s listening ever been through that. Like, in that moment when he passed, like, I could feel and see like his soul, like, leave, you know? it was, it was to me, I was like, this is real s***, right? Like, we are just a container and our souls are animating energy that is divine. And like, it is. And also it helped me understand as a side note, like, why it was like a blessing for him to pass because his container couldn’t hold his soul anymore. Like, it just m Wasn’t. It wasn’t suitable for his expression. but I was like, holy crap. Like, this is real. We have this animated energy inside of us. We cannot take it for granted. Like, how can we do this? Living at the soul level, so that it gets to be expressed. Because each of us has only. There’s only one, right? And it’s our gift. And so the world needs you to be you, whatever that looks like. And to not hide, and be guarded and armored and afraid. Even when experience has told you you’re not safe. Like, there’s a possibility to, unarmor. And, and just the whole act of doing that is radical, right? Of saying like, yes, this happened to me. Yes, these things were hard. And also like, what is possibility?
Wendy Valentine: Yeah, and it’s hard. We make it. We make it hard for ourselves by trying to, to be something that we’re not. And, and living a life that isn’t really what we want. We’re harming ourselves for sure.
Marni Battista: You know, someone. So I have all these early readers that were reading the book. And so, one of my, people in my life who’s pretty young, she’s like 26, read the book. She’s very like, it’s anxious state kind of a person. She’s hilarious. She’s got the biggest heart. She’s beautiful inside out, but not very woo woo, you know, m. And she messaged me and she was like, oh my God, I think I know what my essential self is. And that’s what I call your soul self. And she’s like, it’s me. Like the third time I watched Wicked singing out loud, she was like, that’s me being in my essential self. And I was like, yes, right. So, like having a moment where you’re like, oh my God, this is it. So, so it’s very simplistic. So then in this book I’m like, okay, great. So now you’ve. That’s you. So what would your life look like if you got to, be that in most areas of your life, more often than not.
Wendy Valentine: Right.
Marni Battista: Wow. Life could be pretty freaking epic, right? Like if it feels like I’m in the third viewing of Wicked, singing Defy Gravity, like the top of my lungs, like if that’s your jam, you know. And what’s crazy is I’ve known her for her whole life and I’m like, that is your essential self. So the gift of figuring that out, and, and having that awareness and then being like, well, wow, I want to just get more of this.
Marni Battista: That’s a meaningful life. It’s really. Even though we’ve been taught it’s more money, more houses, more cars, more status, more followers, more, more, more, more, more that like, and you talk to every you. You hear stories of people that have the top of the moors, the celebrities, the whatever, and they’re not fulfilled and they’re not great. And so we want that moment to be how we reorient ourselves. And so finding that and then doing that in a way that you could do in a practical, real world life is like nirvana to me.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah, obviously. Like, yeah. I mean, it requires some like, serious soul surfing, if you will. I never say soul searching. I’m like, you don’t have to search. It’s always there. Your soul. It’s always there.
Marni Battista: Is it?
Wendy Valentine: But yeah, like surfing through and, and asking those questions and figuring that out and when a, challenge arises, it’s a great. I know we always say this, it’s a great opportunity for healing, but it really is.
Marni Battista: It really, really, it really is.
Wendy Valentine: Like when something happens, it’s like, what’s, what’s here? Like, there’s something here.
RVing is not always as glamorous as it looks on YouTube
Marni Battista: Yes. Well, one of the things. So when I was doing my RV experience and you know, I gave up a lot, you know, that safety, that security. It was kind of like a quote unquote easy life. And RVing as know, like, is not always as glamorous as it looks on YouTube. and there’s a lot of, A lot of work involved. Yeah. and you are free, but in some ways you’re not because you need to find a place to park it and you need to find. You. You can’t just whip over to the gas station and stop. And it was a lot. And I went on, I talk about this, what I call the newfound gap. And that is the truth of that messy middle where you’re in that struggle and you’re doing healing Work. it’s. It is challenging. Right. And what I realized for myself is that my attachments were in the way. And so like I was climbing up this part of the Appalachian Trail, in Tennessee. And you get to this one point, they call it the newfound gap. And on one side of the view is Tennessee, I think the other one is like one of the Carolinas. And you’re like in the middle. Right. And I, it just hit me in that moment like this is my problem. I’m still attached to the old way and I can’t be in the now or the possibility of the new way with my attachments to the old. And that it’s hard sitting on a fence and hurts your girl parts. So so I was like, okay, like for me to really get through this struggle because people ask me all the time, like, oh, the mess. It’s so hard. This liminal space, you know, the, the space between what was and what is becoming. Well, one of the, the things that was in my way was that I was still attached to the old way, like emotionally, spiritually. Right. Like I was still like, did regret, you know, questioning myself.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah, yeah. You had like one foot over here. One foot over here.
Marni Battista: So once, once I like realized like, okay, I don’t want to be in this newfound gap. I’m gonn to the unlived possibility of my life and like what I could create.
Wendy Valentine: Yes.
Marni Battista: Right.
Wendy Valentine: Funny thing is I’ve. I have been in that actual place, both of those right there on the Appalachian Trail and in that mental emotional place. And for me, I remember it was that kind of that feeling of giving myself permission. Like, Wendy, I give you permission to move forward. You do not.
Marni Battista: Yeah.
Wendy Valentine: Stay. Yeah. You do not have to stay stuck back there. And really, I mean, yeah, my first. I mean, RV life can really teach you something. It did.
Marni Battista: I mean, it is. I mean, just my.
Wendy Valentine: When I took off in the rv, my first place, I went to was in New Mexico and I did a ketamine treatment because I. There was something I felt for me that I just had not quite unlocked to be able to move forward. And I. The biggest freaking aha moment I got out of that was it sounds so crazy and cuckoo and I’m totally okay with this. But during the ketamine journey, I had. I had a little chit chat with my soul.
Marni Battista: Yeah.
Wendy Valentine: And my soul told me, wendy, if you would just get out of the way. I got this s***. I was like, oh, oh. so I don’t have like, I Can relax like. And you got it like, okay, cool. And I like, I left there like, man, that was great. I gotta, I felt so much lighter and just. And I surrendered. I was like, ah, you know, I’m like, why am I hanging on to. Actually I think on your. Wait, I have it right here in front of me on your website. It says are you more committed to your or your vision? Right? We are so like. And sometimes we are so proud of our.
Marni Battista: Oh, my God.
Wendy Valentine: Oh my God.
Marni Battista: Yeah.
Wendy Valentine: Like, look at this. I have this and this going on. Like what? Why no one cares.
Marni Battista: Just because it feel. Because the pain and the unconscious gain of the familiar feels better than the pain required to get to your vision. Right? And there is no express bus from boohoo. Why me to like, yeah, baby. Living my best life. It’s just, I mean if there is, can someone tell me where that goes? Because I jump on that bus. But usually it’s like, first you’re going to have to be uncomfortable. You’re going to learn some s***, you’re going to have to have some hard conversations, you’re going to make some big decision.
Radical life is like saying, yeah, I’m gonna go there
That’s just the way it is. And so like the radical life is like saying, yeah, I’m gonna go there. I’m just gonna hang out because it’s worth it to live a meaningful life. Not stay in like the, the. The land of like coping, tolerating, justifying people, pleasing over functioning and getting through it until like, well one day when this condition changes, then I’ll be. And my mantra has been like, stop waiting for one day. Make today day one. It is the only one you’re guaranteed.
Why wouldn’t you go do that? You’re still breathing
so what are you waiting for?
Wendy Valentine: Yep, so true. I know. I mean I’ve said this before too. I think even on the show. It’s like when I think like, should I do this? This is kind of scary. Should I do it? And my ex husband died at the age of 26. And I always think if he was here he’d be like, yeah, go and do it. Why wouldn’t you? You’re still breathing, like you still have a chance. Why wouldn’t you go do that? Because like we, I mean if we all live till a hundred, like that’s great. But still a hundred years is like little blink of time and eternity. So yeah, what are you waiting for? It’s never too late. Never too late.
People who feel terminally unique often argue for their limitations
Marni Battista: Yeah. Arguing for your limitations. And that’s what people do. They argue, they like want to defend, they want to be right about why they’re I call it terminal uniqueness. And if I could tell you how many people I’ve talked to who are like, you just don’t understand. And, I’m like, literally play the tape. Like, yes. you’re so unoriginal that, like, you’re literally saying the same thing that all the other people who feel like they’re terminally unique are saying. So you’re not. Get over it.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Yeah. And you know, like, what you were saying earlier, like, there’s not an easy way. I mean, sometimes to get to the light of your soul, you do have to go through a dark night of this.
Marni Battista: Oh, you definitely do. I mean.
Wendy Valentine: I mean, I don’t. Yeah, I wish I could have jumped over the dark night, but. And actually, no, I don’t. I take that back, because it. Yeah, I would. I wouldn’t be where I’m at today if I hadn’t. I’ve had a few dark nights of the soul, but, it was so worth it. It was so worth it just to break free and get out of it. It’s like, oh, God, I feel so much better. Just.
Marni Battista: Yeah.
Bob Batista writes about radical living and his journey in the RV
So, like, what if we think about our challenges for everyone who’s listening? Like, it’s either you’re in a transformation right now, or you’re being prepared for a transformation.
Wendy Valentine: Yes.
Marni Battista: Right. It’s like what your soul was saying to you. Right. Like, I’ve got this. I know it doesn’t look like I have it.
Wendy Valentine: Yep.
Marni Battista: But that’s. This is being human, but I have it. And s***’s going on, like, in. For you. You just can’t see it. So be pre. Be president with it. Be with it. Do something with it. Do something about it. get out of the way.
Wendy Valentine: Yep. Yeah. I mean, we think, like, waving the white flag is a sign of weakness, but it’s not. It’s a sign of strength, like, just rendered surrender, meaning, like, detach, let go.
Marni Battista: Yes. A hundred percent.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Where can we get this radical book?
Marni Battista: you can get this radical book, on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. You can go to marnie batista.com and get it. it’s everywhere. Books are sold. And someone messaged me and said, is it audible? And it is on audible. Narrated by me. So if you’re a listener, you can also get it on audible. And I will tell you the story of radical living and my journey in the RV with my husband and my two cats.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And it literally. Let’s see, today, Tuesday, February 4th. And that. You know what? I don’t know if you realize that you probably do, but your ski accident was in February 2020.
Marni Battista: It was.
Wendy Valentine: It was so 60 months ago. Look at you now, girl.
Marni Battista: I know. I’m skiing, I’m living my best life in Colorado, a place I never could have thought of when I was. I literally have in my journal, like, Jeremy, like, where do you want to retire? We’re like, Palm Springs. Like, you know, we’re just writing the things that other people do from la, like, where they go. It’s like, you know, if you’re living in New York, you go to Florida.
Wendy Valentine: Yeah, yeah.
Marni Battista: West, you go to, Arizona. Like, there are these rules. Right. And so I could have never thought of this ever in my whole life. So I’m so grateful that I went through this design thinking framework. I have these spiritual questions so that my soul could lead me to the exact right place in time for me.
Wendy Valentine: Yes. I love it. I love it, I love it, love it. The other thing I’m going to do today, and I encourage everyone else to do the same, I’m going to leave a review for you on Amazon because.
Marni Battista: Yes. I appreciate it.
Wendy Valentine: Yes. Makes a big difference. Thank you, Marnie.
Marni Battista: Thank you for having me and celebrating my publication day. Yeah, yeah.
Wendy Valentine: And Marnie Batista. coolest last name. B, A, T, T, I, S, T, A. Yeah. Oh, yes. Keep it.
Marni Battista: Oh, I love it. I chose it. I love it. I like that last name. Thank you, Bob.
Wendy Valentine: Thank you. Bob Batista.
Marni Battista: Exactly.
Wendy Valentine: That’s even cooler.
Marni Battista: I know.
Wendy Valentine: My name is Bob Batista.
Marni Battista: Yep. Great guy, honestly.
Wendy Valentine: All right, thank you, everyone. Go live a radical life.
Marni Battista: Thank you, Wendy.
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