Progress Over Perfection with Monica Packer
If you’ve ever felt stuck, burned out, or like you’re constantly chasing “good enough,” this one’s for you. 💫
On this episode of The Midlife Makeover Show, host Wendy Valentine chats with Monica Packer — a recovering perfectionist turned habits and identity coach — about why perfectionism keeps women stuck and how to finally choose progress over perfection.
💫 What You’ll Learn:
- The truth about the perfectionism pendulum (overachieving vs. underachieving)
- Why self-compassion is more effective than self-criticism
- How to stop labeling yourself as “lazy” or “not enough”
- The power of compassion, courage, and curiosity in creating lasting change
- How to start small with Monica’s famous Do Something List
- Why real transformation comes from being human, not perfect
The Perfectionism Pendulum
Perfectionism isn’t just about color-coded calendars and spotless kitchens — it’s a deep identity issue. Monica describes it as the perfectionism pendulum: swinging from overachieving (doing all the things) to underachieving (doing nothing at all).
At its core, perfectionism is basing your worth on your outcomes. It’s the voice that says, “If I don’t do this perfectly, I’ve failed.” The problem? That voice never lets you rest — and it never lets you feel proud of your progress.
The Moment Monica Woke Up
Monica’s turning point came in December 2015, sitting in the passenger seat of her family van. With three young kids and a husband working across the country, she realized she was on the sidelines of her own life.
She told herself, “I always want to do things—and I never do.” That was the wake-up call. From that moment on, Monica began rebuilding her habits, identity, and mindset around progress, not perfection.
Why Women Get Stuck
Both Monica and Wendy share that perfectionism often begins early — from family expectations, societal pressure, or the simple desire to be “good.”
For many women at midlife, this shows up as feeling frozen, lost, or overwhelmed. You’re tired of doing everything for everyone else. You’re exhausted from trying to get it all right. And when it’s not perfect, you stop trying altogether.
But as Monica reminds us, “Validation doesn’t equal apathy.”
You can accept where you are without staying stuck there.
Compassion: The Antidote to Perfectionism
Perfectionists thrive on shame — that inner critic voice that whispers, “What’s wrong with you?”
Monica says the first step toward healing is self-compassion. Instead of pushing harder, start by being kinder. Speak to yourself the way you’d speak to your best friend.
As she puts it, “You don’t have to be mean to yourself to change.”
Self-compassion is not weakness; it’s fuel for sustainable growth. It allows you to experiment, make mistakes, and move forward — without the weight of perfection holding you down.
The Courage to Do Things Differently
Let’s be honest — it takes a ton of courage to stop living the “all or nothing” way.
Monica reminds us that it’s brave to take a new path, especially when you’ve been rewarded for perfectionism. Whether it’s setting boundaries, saying “no,” or allowing yourself to rest, each small act of courage moves you closer to freedom.
Wendy echoes this beautifully when she shares her own midlife awakening: “My greatest fear was being abandoned. But the person who was abandoning me the most — was me.”
Let that sink in. 💔
Curiosity: The Secret Ingredient
Alongside compassion and courage comes curiosity — the third “C” in Monica’s growth formula.
Curiosity invites us to ask:
- Why do I feel stuck?
- What’s really driving this fear?
- What would happen if I tried something different?
Instead of judging yourself, you start observing yourself. And from there, you can begin to change.
Start Small. Do Something.
Monica’s advice for breaking free from perfectionism? Start small. Start messy. Just do something.
After her awakening, she created a “Do Something List” — 30 things she wanted to try before turning 30. The list wasn’t about achievement; it was about experimentation and joy.
That simple habit changed everything. Each tiny step helped her rediscover who she was — and gave her permission to be imperfectly human.
As she says, “Even trying is progress.”
Relationships, Boundaries & Becoming Real
Perfectionism doesn’t just affect your goals — it seeps into your relationships.
It can make you a people-pleaser, a fixer, or someone constantly seeking approval. But when you begin practicing self-compassion and setting boundaries, not everyone will applaud your new peace.
Still, as Monica points out, “It’s lonely on a pedestal.”
True connection happens when you’re real, honest, and imperfect — not when you’re performing perfection.
Progress Looks Like This
Nineteen years after her first “aha” moment, Monica returned to London — the same city she’d visited when perfectionism ruled her life. This time, she walked the streets free, messy, and fully present.
She wept — not from regret, but from gratitude. Gratitude that she’d dared to live differently, to do it messy, to give herself permission to simply be Monica.
Final Takeaway: It’s Never Too Late to Begin
Whether you’re 30, 50, or 70, it’s never too late to drop the perfectionism and start living your life — your way.
As Wendy says, “Midlife isn’t a crisis. It’s a catalyst.”
So grab your journal, make your own Do Something List, and start now. Because progress over perfection isn’t just a mindset — it’s a midlife makeover for your soul. 💖
👉 Connect with Monica!
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