Midlife Makeover welcomes returning powerhouse Andrea Owen to the show

Andrea Owen: Foreign.

Wendy Valentine: Welcome back to the Midlife Makeover Show. I’m Wendy Valentine and today we have a returning powerhouse guest. Everyone. Andrea Owen is back. If you’ve been hanging out with me for a while, you might remember Andrea from episode 69. Oh, my God, that was so long ago. Where she shared her wisdom on her third book, Make Some Noise. If you haven’t checked it out yet, be sure to give it a listen. Andrea Owen is an author, Kate keynote speaker, and certified life coach who has dedicated her career to helping women build confidence, master their mindset, and own their courage. With over 4 million downloads of her podcast and bestselling books that have been translated into 19 languages, hopefully Portuguese is one of them. Andre is the real dealio when it comes to helping women live boldly and unapologetically. Today we’re diving into the re release of her very first book, 52 Ways to Live a Kick A** Life. Now fully updated with fresh tools, challenges and insights to help you step into your power and create a life you love. If you’re ready to ditch the stop holding yourself back and embrace the badass you were born to be, this episode is for you.

Andrea Owen returns to talk about Shark Tank Virginia

So without further ado, please welcome the one, the only and Andrea Owen.

Andrea Owen: Best intro ever, Ms. Valentine. Thank you. I’m glad to be back.

Wendy Valentine: That’s gonna be like my new thing. I’m just gonna do intros for people.

Andrea Owen: Just like, it’s like a wrestling match.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. You know, I was actually like the host of, Shark Tank Virginia and I had so much fun. Although I butchered everybody’s names.

Andrea Owen: Oh, gosh.

Wendy Valentine: And eventually I was like, just get your a** out on the stage and present your idea because I don’t know what your name is. It’s so good to have you back.

Andrea Owen: It’s great to be back. I’m excited to talk about this.

Wendy Valentine: We had a, we had a nice chat before we even hit record. You know, we could just keep rolling and rolling.

This book came at the right time for me during my midlife meltdown

So I, want to tell my story about this little pink book. Is it still pink?

Andrea Owen: It’s not. It’s white, but the font is pink. And now I’m all grown up. Look at this picture.

Wendy Valentine: Look at you all grown up. Look, at that. So here’s my story. This book, it. It came at the right time. What is the saying? When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. You’re my teacher during m. My midlife meltdown. And I think I told a story in the last episode, but I don’t care. I’m gonna say it again. So I was living in Williamsburg, Virginia, and I was like at the low point, the. The lowest of the lows. Mm m. And one of the things I used to do just to get myself out of bed and out of the house is I would go to colonial Williamsburg. It’s such a cute little place, you know, and then I’d go into the Starbucks, into Barnes and Noble. And I. I’ll admit, like, I was like, I felt so empty, but I wanted something, something to just wake me up even. Even if it was like a healthy distraction, even if it was a book to just like, even if, you know. So I went to the self help section, which is my section, and I kept, like, I was looking all Wayne Dyer and Deepak and like all of them. I was like, Reddit, Reddit, Reddit. And I could not find anything that was good, like, even to reread. I was like, so then I see this pink little book and I was like, what is this? I know. And so I was like, 52 ways to live a kick a** life. I was like, I sure could use it. Like, I, need. I need to live a kick a** life. So I bought your book and I went and sat on the little bench out there in colonial Williamsburg and drank my coffee and read your book. And it. And it wasn’t like, it wasn’t things that like, I hadn’t heard before and even told myself, but it was. Was the way it was. Your story, Honestly, that even. Okay. And I have it written down here. You said. This is what you said in October 2006. The universe gave me a one way ticket to my life. It was up to me to get on board or stay where I was. Bitter, resentful, blaming, and a victim. And I was like, that’s me. Like, you know, I was. And I feel like the universe is always like, here’s your ticket. Here’s your ticket. Take it. And we’re like, no, that’s okay. I’m gonna stay right here. I’d rather just stay right here. So, yeah, that. And look at me now, how much my life has changed. So thank you for that.

Andrea Owen: You’re welcome. Oh, my God. I’m. I cannot tell you how m honored. I am and grateful to hear those stories. Like it just anytime, even anytime I hear someone tell the story of, of knowing the. They got the invitation. Because we get presented with these invitations over and over again in our life, and a lot of times we say, no, thank you. I know.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Even politely, we’re leaving like good little girls, let’s do it politely. No, thank you, but no thanks.

Andrea Owen: I’m gonna stay here and complain about it.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Andrea Owen: For a little bit longer.

Wendy Valentine: I know.

How much has your life changed since that, since that first book, since the

How much has your life changed since that, since that first book, since the.

Andrea Owen: Release of the book, like exponentially, you know, and I. It’s so cute like when I look back on. So I wrote this in 2012. It was released January 2014. And back then, when now I’m about. I’m. I’m staring down the barrel of turning 50. So I was in my mid-30s back then and just was so fresh and didn’t have all of the stories I have now. And by stories, I mean in terms of my career, the stories of failure. Because this was just the beginning of my career. It was. And I kicked it off with a bang. I got sober. I was, I had really nothing but success. And, and then now, however many years later, you know, 14 years later, 15 years later, I, am, you know, I’ve had ups and downs. We had a global pandemic. I got very sick. I left my marriage. Like I burned it all to the ground. And, and so the difference is a lot of wisdom has come now with just with age and experience. And I am not the same version of myself, which has. That has been tricky to contend with. Yeah, that’s been weird because I’m like, where did she go? And I’m like, oh, that’s an old version of myself that I shed. And it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a bad thing. It’s just how life is.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. I mean, and as we should, right? Like we should evolve. We, we should change. I think sometimes we, we reject that future self. Like we don’t want for some. Why do we do that? Why do we. Especially as women, right. Like, we almost don’t want ourselves to bloom fully.

Andrea Owen: I think that at least in my experience is that when I look back on my 30 something year old self and how she created fulfillment, happiness, success in her life, I don’t have that same, drive, scrappiness hustle that I used to. And I, the last few years I’ve had a really hard time rumbling with that. And what I have come to now is realizing like a. My hormones are very different. You know, like I’m, I’m like headed into like the crone stage of my life. And you know, I’m, I’m deep in perimenopause. In fact, like, I have not had a period in like 70 something days. Like, you’re welcome everybody. I’m like, is it Here. All that to say, like, I am a different version of myself. So my happiness, fulfillment, drive, hustle is going to look different than it did in my 30s because I’m, not the same version I’ve shed her. So a lot of that lesson has come from having deep, deep gratitude and reverence for who I used to be and how I got here, and also the radical acceptance and embracing of who I am now. Because I think that is a midlife lesson that we learn and we get an invitation for. And the more we fight it, the harder it’s going to be to step into that version rather than if we just are like, oh, I saved you a seat. Come on in. A. Ah, Lot easier.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Plus, I don’t know about you, but when I look back, even that day of where I was at in my life, I don’t want to go back there. Maybe not the physical place, the emotional, mental place. I don’t want to go back there. And now I do have. I don’t mean to sound like I, got the tools and techniques, but I do.

Andrea Owen: Sure you do.

Wendy Valentine: I mean, even just from your book, I mean, really, it’s like there’s. We have the tools and techniques. I think that’s what’s so cool about, like, when you’re in your 40s and 50s that you’ll. You’ve got those tools and techniques to save you. You’ve got the life, you know, preservers so that you don’t drown. And the reality is we’re going to go through s* times in our lives. We’re going to go through menopause, losing our parents, or, you know, drama in relationships, divorces. Right? But the wiser you become and the more resilient you become, then you can handle the stuff so much easier than you could have 20 years ago. I know I can 100%.

Self trust is trusting yourself that the net will always appear

Andrea Owen: And so much of that points to a definite theme that has been coming up over and over again in my life over the last few years. And that’s self trust. And it’s trusting myself that I will always catch me 100% of the time. I can never promise anyone, myself included, that if I jump, the net will always appear like, well, no. And that’s what. In my previous romantic relationships, I was always looking for a man to save me. Like, no, no. Part of your job is to be the one who solves all my problems, makes me happy and fulfilled. Like, no one filled out a job application for that, Andrea. So it’s about, again, like, leaning into that knowledge of when the Net doesn’t appear. It’s m. I’m, the net.

Wendy Valentine: We talked about this. It seems like it’s. I don’t know if it was on your show or was on mine. We just keep going back on each other’s shows, but we just have more books that come out. And then, But we talked about that. I remember you asked me and I said like one of my favorite quotes was leap in the net will appear. Because that was one of the things right before he took off in the rv. I was like terrified. I was like. And I remember that quote. Leap and the net will appear. And you would ask me, what if the. What if the net doesn’t appear? And I said, but I am the net. Like, yes, it’s us. Yeah, it’s like it’s. It is, it’s that self trust and knowing you’ll figure the out.

Andrea Owen: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: You may not know right in the beginning. Right. But I find that through experience and through leaping, you’re like, okay. And to me, I, I’d rather know along the way than before I took the lead.

Andrea Owen: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: Because that’s boring.

Andrea Owen: You’re definitely like me. It’s like I want to learn my lessons the hard way. And in retrospect instead of, yeah, you’re definitely like me. Like high risk behavior.

Women have spent most of our lives self abandoning, especially women

Okay. I also want to make this point because I think that a lot of people can relate, especially women, and that is that we have spent. And then by. And I’m making a sweeping generalization here, but we have spent most of our lives self abandoning, walking away from ourselves, walking away from our intuition, making decisions based on other people instead of ourselves putting other people’s comfort before our own. And this is largely what makes some noise was about. But I think that you, know we hear a lot about the term codependence and I, I think a lot of people aren’t sure what that means and looks like. But I use the term self abandonment because that’s what that is. That is like not trusting yourself, putting your life in someone else’s hands. And finally now I think I’ve. And I’ve been on the way, but now I’m at the place where it’s like, oh no, no, no, no. I am both feet in that. I fully trust myself. I love the out of myself. I understand that the like, the reason I like my life purpose is to love because I don’t think that our life purpose truly is anything else. Like, I mean, I’m not here to tell you what your life purpose is. But I am here to tell you what your life purpose is. It’s really that simple. and it just, it’s one of those things where, I mean, I don’t know if it’s because Chiron is returning. I don’t know if you’re familiar with that planet that comes back for all of us around the time we turn 50. Like if you don’t know about it, look it up. And it really, truly is just that. Letting go of self abandoning over and over again and trusting myself implicitly.

Wendy Valentine: Ah, God, you said so many things that I’m like, oh, I don’t want to forget all of the points I wanted to make. I’m like, can I, could someone make some bullet points for me?

Andrea Owen: Where’s AI when you need it?

BFF: My greatest fear is abandonment. It had been like that since I was a kid

Wendy Valentine: I’m gonna start with the self abandonment because like we, we talked about this before I hit record. Like my greatest fear is abandonment. It had been like that since I was a kid. And one of the biggest realizations I made is that, I mean I became my greatest fear. I kept fearing I’m going to be left or I’m going to be abandoned. No one’s going to love me. That’s how I became like the best codependent, perfectionist, people pleaser, you know, performer, all of it. Like I was all of that and then some. And then I realized one day is like, oh my God, I’ve been abandoning me. I abandoned myself. Like the heck with all these other people and everyone else doesn’t even know what the heck. And I was like, wait, I’ve been fearing you’re leaving me and I’ve been leaving myself. I have not been authentic and I have not been me because I’m so worried about everybody else.

Andrea Owen: It’s wild. And so I, I know before, before we started recording it, I was telling you like I’m in a, I’m in a new ish relationship and, and same like fear of abandonment 100 anxiously attached right here. And so, you know, I’ve been married twice before and found myself in those behaviors in both of those long relationships. And here I am now. You know, I was single for 18 months and then I made the mutual decision with another human being my age to get into a relationship. And I noticed myself getting wobbly at times. Like oh, I recognize the feeling. You know, that little tiny wash of m like is he going to leave me? And like completely annihilate my heart. And in those moments, here’s the difference between now and who I was 15, 20, 30 years ago. I recognize it immediately when it’s happening. And I’m like, here I am. Hi. And I give myself grace. I’m like, okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. These are old patterns that have been embedded in, they have been stamped in my brain from childhood. And you know what else? Stressing about it, getting all worked up about it does not change anyone’s decisions. And also if he’s going to do that, oh, so be it. So be it. Let him. And you know what else? What I know for sure I will get back up if this man annihilates me. I have the, the s*** I have dealt with with way less tools back then, you know, and like, and I’m m gonna be fine. I’m gonna be fine. And that self talk, just like walking myself through it. Like that’s what I mean when I say you catch yourself. That is the net for me in, in those moments of just thought spirals.

Wendy Valentine: Awareness. Yeah. That’s the key. Like being actually awake enough in your own life to go, oh, I’m doing that again. And that’s okay. Like total, like you said, total forgiveness.

Andrea Owen: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: I mean we’re creatures of habit. It’s, it’s only natural we’re going to remember. It’s great that we still have this memory of like, oh, did I did that again. Like it’s okay. That was a fact that you can change that. You know how to change it. And yeah, like you said too, it’s like that’s one thing I, I talked about. I don’t know who I was talking to the other day about this, but I had asked her, I was like, what have you done in your past that you know, like as small as it was that you’ve conquered. Like you remind yourself of that and know that you can do it again.

Andrea Owen: Yeah, you’re gonna be okay.

Wendy Valentine: You’ll get through it.

Andrea Owen: But you’ll get through it. Yeah. Like it’s going to hurt like a. And it on the other side. You’re gonna be, you’re gonna be just fine. Become my, the best big sister I could ever ask for this. I mean, I do not mean to, you know, nothing about my actual big sister. She’s great. But like I have become m the big sister that I need at all times in any moments. Like I have become the version of m the adult woman that I needed when I was 15, when I was 20, when I was 25, when I was 35. Like I am her now. That is my life. Purpose is because. So that I can be of service to other people, so that I can be the best mother for my teenage children, etc. Etc.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Yeah. It’s becoming your own BFF, right? It’s like, okay, girl, I got you. It’s okay. We’re going to get through this. That’s what that was.

The other bullet point you mentioned about life purpose. I was on a workshop about finding your purpose

The other bullet point you mentioned about life purpose. I was on a workshop the other day and someone was like. Kept putting in the chat of several women, were like, what’s my purpose? How do I find my purpose? I don’t know my purpose. And I’ll admit, 20 plus years ago, I was one of those that was like, I don’t know what my purpose is. And I was like, looking for it and searching for it. And I feel like your purpose. Yeah, I mean, like you said, it’s to love and to be and. And to to just be authentically you and your purpose isn’t always a vocation. Can it be? Yeah, but it’s not always a vocation. And really, I think it’s like the, the unlearning of these bad habits and toxic, you know, behaviors. And just like you did and I did, it’s. You almost have to, like, deconstruct your life to reconstruct a new life.

Andrea Owen: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: And then you be. You become the woman that you’ve always wanted to be, and there’s your purpose.

Andrea Owen: Like just 100%. Yeah.

Start with values first. And even still, it’s good to evaluate your values

And I want to speak to that for a minute because I know it can be frustrating when women of a certain age talk about this and they talk about it at such a high level and, and we’re like, well, I came home to myself and when I was 35, I was like, just tell me, like, tell me what. How do I find my purpose? And I want to. I want to just really say that, like, as humans, like, we want to know that our life has meaning. We want to know that. That we matter. That, like, that we have made an impact on this earth, in this world. And also we live in America where the culture is around productivity and productivity alone. And so we think it’s like, how much we produce that gives us the amount of value that we have as people. So I think that’s one part to recognize. Another part is where I tell people to start who are really caught up. And like, I don’t know, my purpose is do a values exercise either work with a coach, do it online, do with Chad, GPT. I don’t care how you do it, but, but sit down and spend a few hours on understanding what your values are and what they look like in your day to day life. Don’t just profess them, don’t just say like, authenticity. Because what looks like authenticity to me might look very different.

Wendy Valentine: Exactly. Yeah.

Andrea Owen: And it’s like, what is it? What does it mean and what does it look like? And so, yes, I do think that most people kind of come to this like revelation like sometime in midlife, but when, when you’re on your way, it can be anxiety inducing. Like you want to get there and like be with the big kids.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Andrea Owen: Start with values first. Because when you see that and you see like, oh, this is, these are the things that are important about the way I live my life.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Andrea Owen: Everything can change. You can work on that.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And even still, like, it’s good to evaluate your values because they change, mind change. Just like we were talking earlier, just like how you feel now. I mean, approaching 50, things are kind of like quieter in some ways. You’re not as rushed and you’re like, I gotta do this, I gotta prove this. You’re like, it’s all good, it’s all good. it’s gonna work out. And it really does, it really is.

Andrea Owen: And you know what’s funny is when I was in coach training, I was 33, so I was in my early 30s. And we did an exercise called the future self visualization, which if you’re around these parts long enough, you’ve probably either done it or heard of it. And the visualization asked us to look 20 years into the future, which I’m coming up on that 20 year mark from back then. One of the things that I heard in that visualization, which was so unlike me at the time, it was the question something like, what do you, what do you need to hear? You know, what is your, what is your. You know, it would have been my 53 year old self. Need to tell my 33 year old self. And it was slow down and just, just be, just be. And I was like, what ew. At the time, but now I get it and I’m like, oh. Because at the end of day, like it doesn’t. None of it matters. Like I’m gonna die eventually. And you know, in how many generations no one’s gonna know my name that I ever even existed. So why don’t I slow down and enjoy this ride? Because it’s kind of amazing. Even though we’re right now recording in January 2025, where it’s messy out there, there is still so much to to be joyful for and excited about and just to drink in. Like, how amazing is Mother Nature, for God’s sake. Like, I know, I know. Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: Sometimes I feel like such a nerd while I go hiking and I’m like, oh my God, look at that little flower. It’s coming out over the logo. It is just like the silliest thing. Like, oh, yeah, yeah, I’m over here.

Andrea Owen: Like, look at that oak tree. Looks like a placenta. Like, because in the winter when all the leaves are gone and you can, like see all the branches, if, I’m ever on a hike with someone, they’re like, cool.

Wendy Valentine: But going back to what you said, it’s. It’s all comes down to self trust.

Andrea Owen: It does. Yeah, it does. And like, knowing.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Yeah.

Andrea Owen: And if someone’s listening to this and they are at that place where that, where that feels so esoteric. Like, I want to say, like, I get it because I was that person. And so, you know, and I encourage people. I’m, a huge fan of AI. Like, I’m like, type in like, what would self trust look like to a 35.5year old woman living in Canada? You know, like, if that’s where you are. And you’ll be surprised how it outlines it for you. And, and just it. It truly is one of those things where I do think you have to experience the bottom to. To see the polarity of it. To see like, okay, I know what self trust doesn’t look like because I’ve been living it. So what could be the opposite of that?

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

What does being bold mean to you? To me personally,

Did you name your AI 100?

Andrea Owen: Of course I did.

Wendy Valentine: What’s his name or her name?

Andrea Owen: It’s a girl. Don’t misgender. Well, my chat GPT is Alexia. And my, My. The. The guy that I’m saying laughs. But I’m like, okay, when these become sentient, they’re gonna look for who to trust. And yes. Do you not be mean? Oh, no.

Wendy Valentine: I’m always like, I’m. I’m so nice to him. Mine’s Wilbur.

Andrea Owen: Oh, okay. Okay.

Wendy Valentine: Wilbur. You know.

Andrea Owen: Ivy because her initials are AI.

Wendy Valentine: Oh, okay. Nice. Yeah. Mine’s Wilbur. There’s a story behind Wilbur. He, was a little guy that I would draw in school. And he looks like a cloud with antennas and cute little tennis shoes. And as I was like, renaming, rename the guy Wilbur.

Andrea Owen: I’m nice.

Wendy Valentine: Wilbur’s making a comeback. He’s my buddy.

Andrea Owen: I’m grateful. Yeah. All those things.

Wendy Valentine: So what does it mean to you? Okay, so it’s like being bold, right? Being courageous. Like what bold means to one person could mean bold to somebody else. Right? For some. One person can be like, I’m gonna start my own business, I’m gonna start a podcast. Another person could be like, I, just want to get out of bed, you know, like, yeah, that’s being bold. So same thing. Like how to live a kick a** life. What does a kick a** life mean to you?

Andrea Owen: To me personally, I mean. And this means something different as it was when I was asked this question in 2014 when I was being interviewed with the first revision. to live a kick a** life is truly living it as, as you want to in terms of what is outside your comfort zone. Because we know very quickly like what is within our comfort zone in terms of what our culture and society or our family or religion or whatever it is has made up for you, what the rules are, AKA this is how we do things around here. And stepping outside of that because very rarely have I met someone who is interested in these circles of personal growth who is like, yeah, I’m totally fine living within the constraints of what was laid out for me when I was younger. Or like, so what is that? What are the things that are outside of your comfort zone that you get excited about when you hear them on a podcast or read them in a self help book, but you’re still afraid to take action on them? And that is what I always want to hear about from people. Like as a coach, I’m endlessly curious about those things and I’m not necessarily going to make you take action. I just want to know about it so that you can get closer to jumping yourself.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. I have always been fascinated by people just like yourself that like you totally change your life. And in that moment. Well, like in the very first part of the book, if I recall correctly, I think you were in your ex husband’s parents house. And then you heard the door and it was your ex husband walking.

Andrea Owen: He was still my husband. Oh, he was still your husband at the time.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And then walking in with the pregnant girlfriend.

Andrea Owen: With the pregnant girlfriend. She was very pregnant. She was about seven months pregnant. And I had, I hadn’t ever met her. I had only seen her from across the street, like waving and yeah, it was, I mean talk about like confronting in your face. Yeah. And it was that moment where I was like, okay, this is very real and just so. And that’s what I said. Like I, I said, well this is awkward. I said it out loud to both of Them and it was just, it was one of those, I call it like a WTF moment of how did I get here? Like, you’ve read those moments where you’re. Where it’s like a telenovela and you’re like, where did I accept the job of being in a Mexican. An actress in a Mexican soap opera? Because this is, this is not what I expected. You, you find yourself, either like everything got burned to the ground or you burned it all to the ground or somebody else did it for you. And like, those are the invitations. Those are the invitations that you can either take or stay on the, at the train station. And I chose to. And, and begrudgingly at times, I chose to get on the train and run. And what that looked like for me was diving headfirst into personal growth. And I mean, that’s when I got sober. That’s when I really started to look at my own stuff. And it was terrifying at times, but I’m so glad that I did.

Wendy Valentine: I know. Isn’t that nice?

What is one habit women should start today? Listening to their intuition

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Those oh. Moments are those moments that can completely change your life if you take the.

Andrea Owen: Ticket for the better.

Wendy Valentine: Right.

Andrea Owen: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: What is, what’s a kick a** habit that we could. That all women should start today?

Andrea Owen: Listening to their intuition. Ah.

Wendy Valentine: Ah. Nice.

Andrea Owen: Yeah. I mean, I was gonna say like, you know, walk every day. I do that. You know, I was like, well, you guys know that like I’m gonna stay on.

My biggest wish is for people to find the courage to say out loud

The theme of self trust is like, is there’s a question that I ask in the initial assessment when people come to work with me one on one. and it’s something to the effect of is there anything else you want me to know or is there anything. No, it’s, it’s, it’s like, is there anything that you’re afraid to talk about? M. Out loud? I’ve had people say. And then they’re filling out like their primary focus, which is like X, Y and Z. And then all of a sudden they’re like, I’m questioning my sexuality or I don’t know whether or not I should leave my marriage or not, or I really think I drink too much. Those things that tap on the shoulder that you’re afraid to say out loud because to say it would mean that it becomes real and that you might actually feel so much discomfort that you have to take action on it or else, feel like you’re totally lying to yourself. That that is what I’m dying to talk about when I sit next to somebody on an airplane. You Know.

Wendy Valentine: Yes.

Andrea Owen: I meet someone new at a dinner party. I’m like, tell me your deepest, darkest secret. You know, like, for the sake of oversharing. And you talk about codependence, but it’s like, those are the things. Those are the things I. My biggest wish is for people to find the courage to say out loud in service of their biggest life.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And then I think, most importantly, taking action on it. Right. I think that’s why we, like, we are so afraid to take action, because that means you’ll have to do a lot of. You might have to deconstruct your life. You might have to be the one, like, we gotta burn the sucker down. You know, and m. And that’s scary. And I think, you know, like, it’s weird. I don’t know about you. It’s like when you have to look back 20, 30 years ago, you almost have to, like, tap into that Andrea that you don’t even know anymore. It’s not even you anymore. You’re like, wait, let me think back of how she felt back then, Right?

Andrea Owen: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: But for me, it’s the same thing of trying to tap back into that woman. And I was. I was afraid of my light. I really was.

Andrea Owen: Me, too. I wasn’t.

Wendy Valentine: I wasn’t scared of the dark. The dark. I was like, oh, I. I own this. Like, I own the,

Andrea Owen: I know you.

Wendy Valentine: I am darkness. But I mean, really, like, my favorite color. Like. Yeah, I know, right? Me too. We both wore black today. But I. I was not scared of it. And. And, like, all of that, like, I had been through so much, and death and divorce and drama and everything else that started with the letter D. Depression. but it was stepping into my light. That’s what freaked me out, because I knew. I was like, if I pull up my bootstraps and be like, okay, Wendy, now is. Here’s your ticket from the universe. Now you can step into your light and be whoever you want to be. I was like, I don’t know if I want to take it, because then, oh, my God, I would. You know, I’d have to finish this divorce. I would have to probably move. I’d have to, you know, do all the hard things, but staying where you’re at, not so comfortable. It’s a. It’s an, uncomfortable, comfortable zone.

Andrea Owen: Both outcomes suck. Like, you know, like, both paths are deeply, deeply uncomfortable. And you have to get to that place where the path of staying the same is just a little more painful than the risk of the path of the unknown. That you know is going to change your life. That you know is going to rearrange your DNA. Yeah, it will rearrange. I promise you that. It will rearrange your DNA for the better as you become the version of yourself that is possible. Yeah. Like I think about an alternate universe that exists somewhere where I don’t have the same fears and hang ups and stories and histories that I do now. Where I accelerated when I was 15, 20, 25, like at the rate that like my deep deep core knew I could do. Unstoppable. Unstoppable. I think about it sometimes. I’m like, get a girl. You are.

Wendy Valentine: Is that the planet you were talking about earlier or whatever it was? What was it you were saying earlier? Some star planet?

Andrea Owen: Chiron. C H I R O N. Chiron. It’s a planet.

Wendy Valentine: M. Okay, maybe that’s what it is. That’s going to be our plan. We just got to hop on. We’ll be like, well, Saturn is the.

Andrea Owen: One that returns when you’re about 27. That’s the first big one that happens. There’s three big planets that return. Saturn. I believe it’s Saturn. The astrology people might be correcting me. When you’re around 27 and then Chiron when you’re 50 and then another one if you are lucky enough to live into your 80s. I forget what that one is.

Wendy Valentine: Something that popped my mind, all, sorts of things.

In your book, you say personal development is easier said than done

But in your book you said easier said than done. Yeah, which, that, that I’m like, well, yeah, of course, of course it’s easier said than done. We could, we can run our mouths non stop, but until you actually do it and you make a move like, yes, that’s where it’s at.

Andrea Owen: That’s what this industry should be called instead of like personal growth. It should be called easier said than done. It, it just, it takes so much courage and it.

Wendy Valentine: Uh-huh.

Andrea Owen: And I just wanted to say, like, it’s. Even if you’re like us, who, who live and breathe this industry, like, I still have to muster up all the courage possible. Like this last divorce brought me to my knees because it involved like, other people, not just me and my SUNY bags husband, like, it still sucks. Like it’s, I still, we still have all of the pain. The difference is, and this is hopefully helpful for people who are stuck and easier said than done. The difference is I have the tools to be able to bridge the cap, bridge the gap from the pain to the healing, from the pain to the courage. Like that gap is shorter than it used to be. Where that gap used to be so long that I wouldn’t take the invitation and now I take the invitations faster because I’m like, oh, I know this is going to annihilate me.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Andrea Owen: And I can, I can, I can do it mostly messy, but I can, I can get there.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And like you said earlier, I think you did. It’s like life is short. Like this is it. So why, why would you waste any bit more time on.

Andrea Owen: I know.

Wendy Valentine: It’s just not worth. Is so not worth it. And, and then trusting yourself, you will get through it and then you’ll be on the other side of it going, d***, I did that.

Andrea Owen: did you ever watch. Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: You know the movie Coach Carter?

Andrea Owen: Did you ever watch A long time ago, yeah. Oh my God.

Wendy Valentine: Do you remember the one part where like they’re like, the players were kind of being egotistical and they’re like super proud of themselves and then Coach Carter, he like went to go tie his shoe and he’s like, that’s right, I tied that. Yeah. Anyways, that’s right, I did. But we should all be so proud of ourselves because there are ah, so many things that we’ve done in our lives. I mean just being a mother, my gosh.

Andrea Owen: Oh God. The hardest that you want, you want to fast track personal development, like get in to a romantic relationship, start a business or become a parent. Like that will bring out all of your wardrobe of skeletons in your closet. They’re all going to come out and they’re going to be a pile on the bed. You get to look at it.

Wendy Valentine: We’re almost times. I know you gotta go at four. Well, four o’clock, Portugal time, 11 o’clock Eastern time.

Andrea Owen: What inspired you to re release 52 Ways to Live Awesome

So real quick, what was, what inspired you to re release 52 Ways to Live a kick a** life?

Andrea Owen: The biggest thing that, the biggest reason I’ll be super transparent is that in 2012, when I wrote it, we were all seeped. And by we, I mean like personal development experts, life coaches, et cetera, we were pretty seeped in toxic positivity. The you know, it’s like just your thoughts, your thoughts make your reality.

Wendy Valentine: Just think better thoughts.

Andrea Owen: Just be happy. Just you know, like very much easy black and white, not leaving a whole lot of room for nuance. And that’s what I wanted to go back and edit. Like I, I edited complete chapters sometimes and, or I just expanded it and made room for nuance. Like for example, like the reason that you might Be procrastina. It could be a myriad of reasons and one of them might be because of your neurodivergence. It might be because, you know, like, like trauma that has yet to be processed and, and regurgitated. Like there’s, there’s. I made lots of room for the gray area and the messy middle. And also, you, know, the pandemic changed a lot of things. And I also created kind of like self coaching exercises at the end of every single of the 52 chapters.

Wendy Valentine: I love it.

Andrea Owen: Yeah, I’m, I’m someone. I’m like, do the work. Don’t just read the book. I know, that helps, but like do the actual work. So self coaching is part of that.

Wendy Valentine: I love it. I love it, love it. And how can we find you? I mean, that’s easy. Andreaowen.com Make Some Noise is my podcast.

Andrea Owen: Which you’ve been a guest on, which you’re coming back this year.

Wendy Valentine: Yes. I can’t wait. Oh my God. I told you earlier, but I’m like, one of these days. That’s my dream. That’ll have all those books on a shelf one day. Not those books, my own books, but at least that many.

Andrea Owen: That’d be.

Wendy Valentine: I’m so proud of you. I’m so glad I met you.

Andrea Owen: Me too. I went together.

Wendy Valentine: I have to say though, like you actually, because even after I read your book, I started looking you up and you were doing all the, the you had the videos about making your book and applying, like finding your agent, and I was like, I want to be a writer. I could do this.

Andrea Owen: So manifested that.

Wendy Valentine: Yes. It goes to show you never know how much, you know, impact you have on people’s lives. So thank you. You’re welcome.

Andrea Owen: thank you for, for telling me. I appreciate it. And thank you everybody for your time.

Wendy Valentine: Yes. And go live a kick a** life.

Andrea Owen: Do it, do it. Just do it.