4 STEPS TO RULE YOUR MIDLIFE

It’s Monday, August 7^th and we have a special show for you today with a very special guest. Today’s guest is ME! Oui! Oui! Oui! It’s been a while since I’ve done a solo show, so I figured it was time for a few wise words from Wendy! We are going to kick off today’s episode with a dedication. I am dedicating today’s show to my cousin, Carrie, whom unfortunately and unexpectedly passed away last week at the young age of 65.

Carrie was such a bright, beautiful woman and she will be missed by so many people. Carrie was a really good friend of my mom’s, too, and was there for her when my brother passed away. Just like Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” Thank you, Carrie, for being in our lives and making us all feel so good and loved.

You have probably heard me say this before on the show y’all, but life is short. Really, really short. Carrie was a healthy, strong woman and was not expecting to take her last breath a few days ago. None of us know when we will take our last breath. My ex-husband took his last breath at age of 26, and my brother took his last breath at the age of 49.

When I say that out loud, it obviously makes me sad for them and the life they lost so early, but it makes me sad for the people still living that are not reeeeally living. They’re just wandering aimlessly through their life acting as if they have all the time in the world.

If you are sleepwalking through your life right now, it’s time to wake up. It’s time to snap out of it and treat every day like it could be your last, because it could be. It’s time to awaken from your midlife coma and become the woman or man that you have dreamed of becoming. It’s time to do all the things you have talked about doing and it’s time to stop making excuses. It’s time to stop giving a shit about what people think about you and it’s time to start living life YOUR way.

It’s time to break the BS rules that have been set by society, religion, friends, family, neighbors, culture, politics, social media, and even the rules set by yourself. It’s time to be a rule breaker and create rules that support you living a life of freedom. That’s what freedom is all about really –– creating your own rules. If you think about it, you can’t live a life of freedom if you’re following someone else’s rules, right?

Now, I’m not referring to breaking rules that are meant to protect people, places, or animals such as not wearing your seatbelt or robbing a bank. I’m referring to the rules that are considered to be the norm and conventional ways of society, culture, politics, and religion that limit who you are, how you think, feel, speak, and act, and how you live your life.

It’s time to question why you do the things you do in your life, whether you even like doing those things, and whether you want to keep doing those things. It’s time to question the relationships in your life and whether they are good for you. It’s time to question how you currently spend your time and how you want to spend your time in the future. Its’ time to question a lot of things. It’s time to analyze the rules that have been ruling your life that keep you limited, trapped and constricted.

Why?

Because this is it. This is your one time at your life, and you deserve to live a life that brings you joy. You deserve to live a life of freedom –– the freedom to think, feel, speak and act however you choose. Just as long as you wear your seatbelt and don’t go robbing any banks! But if you do rob a bank, you better give me some money honey!

But seriously, when we hit our forties and fifties, it’s best to resort back to when we were five years old and would ask our parents that famous question –– why?

Why? Why? Why?

Instead of asking why is the sky blue? we are now asking questions like:

Why am I struggling to climb the corporate ladder when I don’t even like my job?

Why am I friends with Lisa when she always criticizes me?

Why do I keep going to these neighborhood holiday parties when I just want to stay at home curled up on the couch in my PJs?

Why can’t I take a vacation by myself?

Why do I have to get my master’s degree just because my family told me to?

Why do I live in this big house in the burbs when I want a little cabin in the woods?

Why do I not say certain things on my mind because I was told to it’s not polite for a lady to speak that way?

Why can’t I be a single mom and adopt a child on my own?

Why do I clean the kitchen every night when I want to clean it in the morning?

Why do I have to stay skinny?

Why do I wear these fancy clothes all the time when I just want to wear elastic pants and flip flops?

Why do I work through my lunches to impress my boss?

Why do I care what people think of me?

Why? Why? Why?

Midlife is a great time to get curious about what is important to you, what is valuable, and what brings you fulfillment. Question why you have the beliefs and rules that you do in your life. Most importantly, question why you are clinging to them.

I want to help you reevaluate the rules that are ruling your life and preventing you from evolving, expanding, and exploring a life of freedom. Since we all like simple steps to follow in life, I have broken this down to 4 simple steps.

Step 1: Allow yourself to dream

In episode 95: 6 Simple Steps to Your Midlife Awakening –– see there we are with those steps again –– I introduced you to the Wheel of Midlife. If you didn’t listen to that episode then I encourage you to do so, but you can also grab a copy of the Wheel of Midlife at wheelofmidlife.com. It will make this process a little easier for you.

Either way, we can get started without the Wheel of Midlife in front of you. The main thing we are addressing today are the 8 main categories that make up The Wheel of Midlife –– Family, Finance, Health, Career, Friends, Love, Leisure, and Growth.

Here ‘s what I want you to do. I want you to think about what you really, really, really want in each of those categories in your life. Family, Finance, Health, Career, Friends, Love, Leisure, and Growth.

Now, here’s the catch –– I want you think about these wishes and dreams as if there were no rules, restrictions, or limitations. Don’t allow any limiting thoughts to interfere with you living a life of freedom.

Don’t allow limiting thoughts such as:

What if my parents disown me?

What if my spouse gets mad?

What if my church doesn’t like it?

What if my friends think I’m crazy?

What if I get fired?

What if it’s not politically correct?

Throw all the what ifs out the window and just think about what you want in your life.

Step 2: Make a list of old rules

As you think about your wishes and dreams for the life you really want to live, what are some rules that are holding you back from living that life? Again, these rules can be placed upon you by society, family, friends, religion, culture, politics, etc.

For example, let’s say that Judy is a single woman, her nest is empty, and she has a dream of living in another country. Judy’s family has told her that it’s not right for her to move so far way and they would be incredibly upset with her. Judy’s brother said he wouldn’t speak to her again if she did such a crazy thing. Judy can’t handle disappointing her family, so she abides by her family’s rules, she stays stuck and therefore she doesn’t follow her dreams. Boo-hoo Judy!

Here’s another example. Let’s say John has a dream of starting his own coffee shop, but there is some rule floating around in John’s mind that he can’t quit his cushy corporate job at 55 years old to start making cappuccinos. Somehow, he adopted this rule that he’s not allowed to switch gears and start something new so “late” in his life. But why not? Who says he can’t do that? Who says YOU can’t do that?

Ultimately, it’s YOU that says you can’t do it. Not anybody else. That leads into the next step.

Step 3: Give yourself permission to break old rules

I don’t know if you noticed, but everyone in the world has an opinion. There’s a lot of people in the world and therefore, there are a lot of opinions. Not only that, but people also like to give their opinions, and they especially love to give their opinions on how you should live your life. It’s not like how it was when you were a little kid and you had to abide by the rules set in place by your parents or your teachers.

You are an adult now and you have the right to create your own rules for your own life. Some of you are still abiding by the rules of your parents as grown ass adults. What the heck?! Some of you will stay in a miserable marriage because of the rules of your parents.

Take a look at your life and make some positive changes for YOU. Some of those positive changes might seem negative to the people around you, but you have to focus on feeding your heart and soul. You can’t be all things to all people, but you can be all things to you.

Give yourself permission to break those old rules that are holding you back from living life on your terms.

Step 4: Make new rules

Okay, so you have thought about what you want in your life, you know the rules that are holding you back, you have given yourself permission to break those rules, and now you need to make new rules that support you and the life you want to live.

Going back to my previous example of Judy, a single woman dreaming of living in another country, she can create a new rule of making herself a priority. She can make a new rule of not buying into the guilt and shame from her family. Her new rule is that she will follow her dreams and not worry what everyone else is thinking or believing about her. Judy will take a stand for her happiness.

As for John, the coffee shop dreamer, John can create a new rule that he is allowed to leave his corporate job and start his own business. He can make a new rule that you don’t have to stay in a job you don’t love. John’s new rule is that he will make John happy.

I hope you make that your new rule, too. Actually, making yourself happy should always be your number one rule, because if it was, then there would be no need for other rules. I hope you break the rules in your life that are not serving you well and you squash the rules that are not allowing you to be you.

Take it from someone that started breaking those old rules a few years ago. I realized that I was being held back from those rules and beliefs in my life, so little by little, I began creating new rules to create the life I am living now. If I hadn’t broken those old limiting rules in my life, I wouldn’t be here talking to you right now and that would be awful!

Here are the 4 steps to Rule Your Midlife!

Step 1: Allow yourself to dream

Step 2: Make a list of old rules

Step 3: Give yourself permission to break old rules

Step 4: Make new rules

Again, if you want the Wheel of Midlife to help you evaluate those 8 categories in your life, you can download it at wheelofmidlife.com.

I hope you found this helpful towards you becoming your most authentic self and living a life of freedom, joy, and fulfillment. I hope you are inspired to break some rules in your life!

I plan on breaking a few this week! I promise that I won’t break the rule of not wearing my seatbelt, but I just might rob a bank!

Have great week everyone and go rule your midlife!

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