Jim Murphy is the bestselling author of Inner Excellence about peak performance and personal transformation

Wendy Valentine: Chin. Welcome back to the Midlife Makeover Show. I’m your host, Wendy Valentine. And today I am absolutely thrilled to introduce you to a powerhouse and the world of peak performance and personal transformation, Jim Murphy. Jim is the number one New York Times best selling author and performance coach to some of the world’s greatest athletes and leaders, just like me. His groundbreaking book, Inner Excellence has transformed the way athletes approach mental toughness, mindset, and living a, life of purpose. Just recently. This is so cool. His book made headlines when it was spotted in the hands of Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver A.J. brown during the playoffs, sparking a phenomenon that shot it to the number one spot on the New York Times bestseller list. So freaking cool. Now, with over 200,000 copies sold and counting, Inner excellence is spreading like wildfire, and for good reason. Today we’re diving deep into Jim’s life changing principles of love, wisdom and courage. The mindset shifts that separate good from great and how inner excellence is helping people live an extraordinary life, whether you’re on the field, in the boardroom, or navigating midlife transitions. So get ready to take notes because this is going to be packed with game changing, pun intended insights.

Please welcome Jim Murphy to the show. Thanks, Wendy

Please welcome Jim Murphy to the show.

Jim Murphy: Thanks, Wendy.

Wendy Valentine: You’re welcome. That’s it. We’re done? No, I’m just kidding. It’s just the intro. The intro was so good, you know, that was powerful. Yeah. Welcome. It is, it’s an honor to have you here. And,

Jim Brown says a pivotal moment in his life happened thanks to AJ Brown

Okay, we have to. I’m sure you’ve been asked this question before, A.J. brown. Where were you? How did you find out? And most importantly, Jim, how did you feel?

Jim Murphy: Yes. Let me tell you, Wendy. So I’m in downtown Dallas, Texas on Sunday, January 12th. And it was actually, a very somber time in my life. business was slow, actually. I didn’t pay off my credit cards in January, first time in years. And, I don’t often check my checking account, so I didn’t know how much was in there. But I’ll. But that’ll, that’ll come into play here in a minute. I had just written a book called the Best Possible Life. How to Live with Deep Contentment, Joy and Confidence no Matter what. A book about the spiritual life. So that had just come out in November. And so now we’re into January of this year, 2025. And, I’m walking around empty downtown Dallas, and my mom actually was dying. She died four days later. And so it was a very somber time, kind of lonely. Life was slow, business slow. Mom dying. And, Yeah. And so, I look up at the skyscraper, and I think, The question comes into my mind, would you rather own that skyscraper straight out for all the hundreds of millions of dollars it’s worth, or would you have rather understood everything that you learned from writing the best possible life, A life about the spiritual life, a book about the spiritual life. And I thought, no, I wouldn’t trade it for hundreds of millions of dollars. And so I thought, well, you know, at least you got that. That’s. That’s nice. And then a couple hours later, AJ Brown does his thing, and my life changes. What. What’s interesting about the, the financial part was a few days later, I’m going to the. I fly into Philadelphia, and I’m, on the street, and this guy asked me for money, and I had no money in my wallet. So I go to the ATM to get some money, and I try to get out 300, and the ATM says insufficient funds. And so then I try 200, and it says insufficient funds. I try 100, and then I get the money. I find the guy, I give him some money. A few days later, my mortgage payment bounces and my checking account goes overdrawn. So that was the week of January 12th. And you know what else happened that week? We sold about 100,000 books. And so it was a, crazy dynamic, you know?

Wendy Valentine: Thank you for sharing that. And I’m so sorry about your mom.

Jim Murphy: Thank you.

Wendy Valentine: She’s proud of you. I know it.

Jim Murphy: Thank you. And my mom had such a big impact on me. You know, she. Her family, the samurai lineage, and she’s full Japanese. And, her immense spiritual strength, her gratitude was just so phenomenal and such a huge impact on my life.

Wendy Valentine: So. I don’t know if you’ve heard this quote from Steve Jobs. You can’t connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards. And that’s one of those. This is one of the. Like, I’m sure you’re still like, ah, it’s like you’re. Like you’re in a dream, which we all are, really. but you’re looking back at that pivotal dot that happened. And I believe that everything happens for a reason. In perfect time. The good, the bad, the happy, the sad. Right? I think that is so incredible. And I. And I love that. And it’s not that A.J. brown isn’t, like, totally awesome and totally cool and obviously a pivotal moment right there, but it’s you that made the book the success. Right? It just happened to Be that catalyst moment that just truly launched it, but it was right when it needed to be. Have you thought about that? Like, if the book had hit, like, years ago, how different.

Jim Murphy: Yeah, I totally thought about that. Many, many times. All the miracles that have happened, there’s no way I could have orchestrated the timing of everything. like for eight, for example, AJ Brown playing for the Philadelphia Eagles, that, that city is where my hero, I, call him my hero, Shane Claiborne. He moved there 25 years ago into one of the neediest parts of the city, Kensington, where the high school dropout rate is over 40%. And so he’s been there doing this amazing work for people that really need it. And I’m going to work with him. Just so happens that they’re in the same city. And so this whole thing being embraced by people from Philadelphia so immensely is such an incredible gift because I’m going to go there and we’re going to do some great things together with Shane.

Wendy Valentine: That, is so cool.

So before we hit record, I had, like, so many things to share with you about your book

So before we hit record, I told you I had, like, so many things to share with you, in regards to your book. So right before I left Madeira, Portugal, I lived there part of the time. And then I keep the RV here in the States in storage. Right. So, I had gotten an email, I believe, from your publisher, wanting to have you on the show. And I was like, jim Murphy, who’s this Jim Murphy? You know, I’m like, looking it up. And I was. I was so captivated by the book, the idea of the book and what it was all about. And I was like, no joke. I was looking for a book. I always listen to a book on audio when I’m driving the rv. And I could not find a book I really wanted to listen to. And I was like, oh, this is perfect. I’ll listen to his book. Right? It was so wild that every single thing. And it has this. The last few weeks for me have just been insane. but okay, it’s. It’s totally okay. But every single thing, every chapter just happened to address whatever it was that I was going through in that moment.

A tow truck driver accidentally catches his car on fire on South Dakota highway

And I will start with this is wild. so I’m driving in South Dakota down the highway, got the rv, and I, the rv. His name is Felicia, by the way. Like, and then, I have this little towable called Fiona the Fiat. And I tow her behind me. And, it was dark and raining. It was in the morning. And I mean, I’ve been towing for like a couple years. So I was like, you know, very familiar with it, right? I couldn’t see the. Behind me. The camera was dirty, so I couldn’t see the car. And, so I’m driving down the highway, and people are, like, waving, and I’m like, oh, they’re just so friendly here in South Dakota. I’m like, hi. You know, And I was like, oh, I think they’re trying to tell me to pull over. Like something’s wrong. I pull over. No, my car is on fire. On fire. So my thought is, I’m like, I’ve got to get this car unhooked from the RV before the RV catches on fire. And these two angels, just two guys in a pickup truck, happen to pull over with me with one of them jumps out with the little fire extinguisher, and one of them’s trying to just get the fire down enough so that we can detach the car from the rv. So we’re working as fast as we possibly can. I mean, it was so crazy. And the same time, talking to nine one one, I’m like, oh, my God, the car’s on fire. You know? So anyways, we get the car unhooked, and I’m like. And I had to drive the RV down the highway to get it away from the burning vehicle. I mean, this sucker is like a burnt marshmallow now. Point is, not. Besides, just, like, the regular traumatic experience of this car going up into flames.

Jim: Thank you for sharing that story. That’s amazing. So thank you. Even just those, like, two words can have an impact

After I settled down and I continued on with my road trip that day, I was like, I need to listen to Jim. Jim, tell me something good. And you were talking about material possessions and stuff and how. And. And I’ve shared with you already. Like, I got rid of everything. Everything I have is inside this little box on wheels. And it was. I, I did even have. In the back of Fiona, in the. In the back seat, I had my suitcases, and it was filled with, dresses for all my podcast interviews that, you know, from. For the book. And I was like, oh, my God, all of that’s torched. Everything’s gone. You know, and it was just like, your words were like this reminder of, it’s okay. Like, everything is okay. Like, you. You. I’m healthy. And I was like. I just went into this nice feeling of gratitude, of just like, I’m alive. It’s. Everything’s okay. Nobody was harmed. It could have been way worse. And, So, yeah, you never know the impact that you can have on people. Even just those, like, two words of, like, right at the right time. So thank you.

Jim Murphy: That’s amazing. Thank you for sharing that.

You know, it reminds me, I just had this conversation with an executive

You know, it reminds me, I just had this conversation with an executive who’s facing this situation. Maybe the toughest he’s ever faced. He possibly could lose, his huge house, his. All his money, everything. Could lose it all potentially. And so, we were having this conversation and I said, just remember, as you go forward, the number one thing that you have is. And, and that you could do because we. He talked about, I just really got to be productive. And I said the number one thing, the most productive thing that you could possibly do is to become a certain type of person. And so it doesn’t matter how many followers you have, how many millions of dollars you have, or lack of followers or money you have. The number one thing is who you’re becoming. And, Because who you’re becoming is where you, what you take with you everywhere you go. And if you have inner peace and inner strength inside you, then you go out into the world in strength. But if you’ve got, anxiety and fear and, and envy inside of you, then you go out into the world in weakness, no matter how many millions of dollars you have.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Yeah. It’s, it’s. It’s detachment, it’s surrender. I think sometimes we, we think of surrender as a sign of weakness, but it’s actually strength when you’re waving that white flag and it’s like you’re, you’re not. It’s like being in the world but not of it. Right. Being in the game, but not of it.

Jim Murphy: It’s counterfeit.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Being in a relationship but not of it. Being, in a traumatic experience of your car going up in flames. You know, like, you almost have to just like what I like being an observer in moments like that and your most critical moments of just kind of like zooming out. I kind of like the zoom out approach. You know, like if you were like a drone, you know, you kind of like get inside that little drone and you zoom out and you’re just like watching and observing so that you’re. Because we, I mean, it’s only natural, I think, as human beings. We’re human beings being human. Right. Like, we are, we are emotional creatures. It’s only natural to get emotionally caught up in stuff. But if you get as, you know, if you get so emotionally attached to it, you can’t even. I think you talked about that too. I can’t remember what you had said about that, but it’s almost like you can’t, you can’t Think your way through it or think logically because you’re so, so overwhelmed emotionally with something, no matter what it is.

The basis of surrender is to surrender to power greater than yourself

Jim Murphy: Can I share a story with you about surrender?

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Jim Murphy: Well, if we, if we think about surrender, there’s a few things that are so important to think about. Is one is, is alcoholics, Anonymous. I mean, they’ve changed millions and millions of lives and that, and the basis is, is to surrender to our power greater than yourself. And I think everybody really knows that there is a power greater than ourselves. Whatever that power is, that that holds the stars in place and grows the grass, that power is, is, something that we, we can all connect to. And there, if you imagine I was at a, Ryder cup And this top 10 golfer in the world asked me, jim, I’m too attached to my results and circumstances that’s causing this anxiety and fear and frustration. And I. And he said, what can I do? And I said, well, imagine there’s a kid that loves lollipops. M. And is there a way that you could easily take that lollipop from him where he hands it over very easily with no struggle? And he said, well, how could I do that? And I said, well, you just trade him a bigger lollipop. And so do you think what kid wouldn’t surrender their little lollipop for a bigger one? And this is the essence of inner excellence. We’re surrendering our little strength for greater strength. We’re surrendering our limited vision for greater vision.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And it’s sweeter, no pun intended.

Jim Murphy: Our little truth for capital T. Truth.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, yeah. And litters. Your little self or your higher self. Right. I mean, I think before, you know, for me, like before I, took off in this wild journey, you know, years ago, selling everything, bought the rv, started the podcast, started writing my book, blah, blah, blah. The greatest, greatest thing that I had to do and the greatest gift I gave to myself was literally just getting out of my own way. I. I was the one standing in my own way. I’m like, I would, it would be great to blame everybody. The economy, politics, your mother, your father, your husband, all of that stuff. Stuff. But it’s really you. I mean, it is. I had to have that kind of like, moment where I was like, girl, you can’t blame anybody but yourself. And it’s not really blame or shame. It’s just like, give yourself the gift of, just enjoying your life the way that you, your spirit would want to live. Because the rest.

Jim Murphy: The question is, yeah, the question is, are you willing to let go of your past? Are you willing to let go of who you’ve been to become who you can become?

Wendy Valentine: Yep. And that’s really, that’s, that is, that is such a good question because that is a very tricky thing for people because, it’s just like I love quotes, obviously.

Marianne Williamson says our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate

Marianne Williamson Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we’re powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. And I can remember the years ago reading that and thinking, what if, and this is a question for all of us. What if you stepped into your light fully because you might have to leave a job, you might have to leave a relationship, you might have to just even like with what I was listening to today in your book, sometimes, it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s challenging to actually reach that inner excellence. It is, it’s not like just handed to you on a silver platter. Wouldn’t that be great? Like, you have to put the work in, you have to like it’s. Yeah.

Jim Murphy: So our human nature is self centered and constant, pursuit of comfort. So like I wrote in the book, anytime I, if I had the option, what would I rather have? A poke in the eye or, or a relaxation, in the hot tub? I’ve never chosen the poke in the eye. It’s my whole human nature is always what’s the easiest way, what’s the most comfortable way? Can I just, I just have a lot of money and a lot, and a lot of really nice things and eat wherever I want and do whatever I want and just that sort of freedom. Ah, that’s not really freedom. Freedom is to, is to be really connected deeply to a mission and a vision that changes the world.

Wendy Valentine: Plus two. Yeah, I like that. Plus you, I feel like you really appreciate more now. For example, like you told the story about going to the ATM machine and then you sold a hundred thousand copies. Right? It’s the dichotomy of life. Right? You wouldn’t know, you wouldn’t know light if you didn’t know dark. You wouldn’t know joy if you didn’t know sadness. And so now it’s like experiencing both. It’s like, oh, like you really appreciate it more of just that and knowing that no matter where you are at in your life, no matter your, you’re not your circumstances, you can still have that peace and that love and wisdom and courage. Right. With despite what’s going on around you. Because I mean especially here, you know, m. Majority of the people here I would think are at midlife. They’re going to have parents unfortunately that are passing away. They’re going to have, there’s, there’s going to be lots of tragedies that, that happen. And I think the key is, is like how, how do you go through all of that and still have your peace?

Jim Murphy: So you mentioned that the dichotomy of life. So that’s a very important concept to understand most people because like I said, human nature is the self centered pursuit of comfort. And most people constantly avoid, like, like me, constantly avoid discomfort and always pursuing comfort. But what I found is that the best possible life, a life of deep contentment, joy and confidence no matter what. A life filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness and goodness and faithfulness and gentleness and especially self control. That life has one foot in joy, one foot in suffering.

Wendy Valentine: Yep, that’s true. Yeah. And, and again, I think that’s just part of being human. It’s just part of the human experience. Right? It’s you can’t avoid tough times. It’s gonna happen. Right, so love, wisdom, courage. Is that right? Those are the three. Three. How did you come up with those?

Jim Murphy: You know, it’s amazing when I’m in the five years full time writing and researching for inner excellence, it kind of came down to those three I felt were the most powerful resources in the universe. And then I’m doing more research, reading about the samurai, my mom’s lineage. And then I read about the code of the samurai, the Bushido code. And it says it’s based on three principles, love, wisdom and courage. And I was like, oh my gosh, those are the three I chose. And I’m Japanese and that’s my weird. I come from that lineage. And I was like, oh my gosh, this is not random. So you know, and I don’t know, like I don’t remember exactly what led to those three, but I do know that love is what happened was I realized that your heart is the key to your life, your spirit, your will. That was one of the biggest things that I learned in the desert is that if you want to live an extraordinary life, training your heart, the deepest part of you, your spirit and your will, is the most important thing to that you’ll ever do. And it’s that willingness to surrender to a power greater than yourself. And so realizing that what I think that I want most as far as if I could have any Feeling or anything in the world I want, anything that I ever want in the world, it’s because I want joy. And I define joy as a deep sense of well being, freedom and gratitude independent of circumstance. An inner buoyancy that, that keeps you connected to the realities of heaven. Whereas happiness is a temporary positive feeling based on what’s happening. And so, because joy is such a amazing thing and joy comes from love. And so, and love. There’s no fear in love. The greatest challenge we have in performance and in life is getting in our own way, like you said, our self centeredness. And that leads to fear. And if you want to be fearless, then you’re selfless. And the way to be selfless is through love.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Did you ever read any of David Hawkins books?

Jim Murphy: He, he talks about versus force.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Do you remember him talking about the different levels, of frequencies of emotions? I think, I believe gratitude is number one, like the highest form. And then there’s joy. I mean they’re pretty much going, yeah.

Jim Murphy: That’S, that’s a great, great book. you know, when I think of gratitude, it’s, it’s part of one of our four daily goals. The other three are to be present to give the best of what you got each day and, and to focus on your routines and only what you can control. Gratitude is so huge. I always think of it as connected, kind of a five part entity. Gratitude connected to, directly to inner strength, inner peace, which is connected to inner strength. It’s connected to mental toughness and they’re all connected to beauty. And so gratitude is kind of the key point. That hinge there.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. You know, it’s interesting. I feel like it’s so easy for all of us. Like we can, we can listen to podcast, m. We can read books, we can do all the things.

The second element is wisdom. It’s, it’s when you’re able to apply knowledge

You’re absorbing this knowledge. But really that’s in. The second element is wisdom. It’s, it’s when you’re able to apply this knowledge in your life, when it’s a part of you. It’s, it’s like it becomes a knowingness I guess. Right. And you don’t really know, you don’t really know. Became a knowingness until way after the fact. Right.

Self mastery is mastering ego, not being mastered by it

Like I’m going to share one more. A second experience that I had. I can’t give too many details, but I had a moment with, with someone that was really, really criticizing me, to the point just like, I mean just like a bully. And it was one of Those moments again, kind of like I had like this like out of body experience where I was just like, I’m like I was there, I was hearing everything, but I was like, hm, what do I do with this? You know, I was like tapping in and again, like your words came at the perfect time because then it was shortly after. That’s when it was the, What is it? The self mastery is mastering ego. The unembarrassable, unoffendable and unirritatable. Yeah, I was all three and then some. you know, but here’s the thing. Like I, as we were all learning to be better people, better. You know, everything in life that give yourself grace. Like even when you’re going through something that’s horrific and you’re like, damn, I really didn’t do too great with all that, you know, but you learn from it. And I feel like I don’t, I don’t, I don’t stay down for too long. Like I, I bounce back quicker. And that even that is something to pat yourself on the back for. Like, okay, cool, cool. I’m not like, I could have gone into a massive depression for, you know, two weeks, but I was like, I give it a day or two and I’m like, okay, I’m good to go. You know, Like, I think it’s just really learning more about who you are, what you love, what brings you that joy and just continuing. It’s. I mean we’re just like. We’re like our own little guinea pigs in life.

Jim Murphy: I got a little story for you, Wendy.

Wendy Valentine: Oh, good.

Jim Murphy: So, the other day I was, I was, meeting. Meeting someone. And I drove an hour to meet them and I think they might have forgotten about me. And I was, I was pretty busy and I was in another state and I had a bunch of people that, that wanted to get together. But I chose this one person, drove an hour to meet them and I think they kind of forgot about me. And so then they, they, we were going to meet for lunch and they said, let’s meet for dinner instead. And so I remember thinking, I’m not going to wait for dinner. I, you know, you had your chance. And then, and then, I started thinking about, okay, what am I going to do instead? And then I thought, wait a second. Is there any part of you that took that personal? Like, is your ego involved here? Because we always want to know. Because the ego is a part of me. That’s, that’s always comparing, always threatened, never satisfied, always empty. over inflated or under inflated. And I don’t want to be mastered by my ego. I want to master the ego, not be mastered by it. And so I always want to understand, is this my ego? And so I asked myself, is there any part of you that took that personal? And I said, probably. And so, yes, I did. And then I say, okay, so what if you were not to take it personal whatsoever, Completely free to make any decision you wanted, including go to dinner with. With this person? And, I thought, I think I would stay in town, this part of town that I drove to, and I would go to dinner with them. And so I did, and it was a great dinner, and they were happy that I was there, and it was. It was wonderful. And then the next morning, in that same town where I spent the night, because I decided to stay, I went to go find a coffee shop to have a weekly, meeting with a spiritual mentor. So I went to the coffee shop to do our zoom call. And I’m driving in this coffee shop, this area, looking for it, and I’m like, man, this place looks familiar. And then I was like, oh, I know what this is. This is where one of my clients lives. So I texted this client, this client who was. Who was actually world number one. and, I said, hey, how’s it going? Just, just in this neck of the woods, just want to say hello. And then the client’s like, oh, my gosh, it’s so great to hear from you. We went for grunts the next day and had this great day. And, that would not have happened had I not stopped and said, yeah, am I taking this personal? Because I would have went to some other part of the state.

Wendy Valentine: Uh-huh. Goes to show, everything happens for a reason, too.

Jim Murphy: Well, another big part of that is, Is to. So how do we not take things personal? The key here is, Is inter excellence principle number two. And it is everyone always does the best they can with what they have in their heart.

Wendy Valentine: Yep.

Jim Murphy: And so anyone that does anything that’s rude or unhelpful or mean or terrible, it doesn’t mean, like, if someone does something that’s horrific, it doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t pay the consequences. I’m not talking about what should happen to that person. I’m talking about what caused their behavior is. Well, or at least here’s how you can think about it. No one ever hurts anyone on purpose. If they’re filled with love, joy, and peace, never would happen. It’s only by accident. And so if someone does something that is mean or hurtful or rude or whatever, it’s because they’re lacking these resources. And so if anyone ever says anything that’s not helpful or is rude, then. And if you remember this principle that they’re doing the best they can with what they have in their heart, in other words, with their childhood, with their wounds, their fears, their beliefs, their lens through seeing the world, they did the best they could with what they had. And not only that, you would have said or done the exact same thing they said or did if you had their heart.

Wendy Valentine: Yes, it’s true. Right, Right. Yeah.

Jim Murphy: So this stops us from judging, which allows us to stay in that flow of resonance where we’re at our best. Because when we judge, we lose curiosity, we lose our vision, we lose pretty much everything when we judge others. It creates this negative energy within us.

Wendy Valentine: How do you find that happy medium of boundaries and that detachment and that understanding?

Jim Murphy: Yeah, it’s a great question.

Unconditional love has strict boundaries, right? It’s fearless

Well, unconditional love, it’s fearless, right? It’s the most powerful force in the universe. It also has strict boundaries. For example, Little Boaz, my 6 year old nephew, if the, he wants to eat, say, a pound of chocolate or wants to go play in the highway, my answer would be no. Not even if he asked 10 times or 100 times or a thousand times. Right. Because unconditional love has strict boundaries. Very strict. Right. You don’t, you don’t give someone, what they want necessarily. You hope what they want is what’s best for them. Because if, if what they want is not what’s best for them and you know what’s best for them, then you’re going to give them what’s best for them if you love them. Right? So this is, this is how unconditional love works. And it’s a great question to ask for any situation is how can I love this person the best? Sometimes it means creating a boundary, other times it means sending them a book or, or giving them a hug or whatever it is that’s such a good.

Wendy Valentine: What did you say? What is the best way I can love this person? Yeah, I love that. it’s interesting, I was thinking about this the other day. The love, wisdom and courage, it’s. They’re not tangible. They’re not tangible things. You know what I mean? Like, I couldn’t hand you a jar of love. I can’t hand you a jar of wisdom or a jar of courage. This stuff is created within us that we Create that we, that we choose actually to nurture.

Jim Murphy: The way I think about it is, is we’re created a certain way. And if you don’t understand how you’re created or what you’re created for, you’re going to be constantly pursuing it, looking for it in everywhere you can. And most people spend their entire lives pursuing this, this piece inside them by getting symbols of success. Because those symbols, if I get these symbols, money or status or followers, then people are going to give me some sort of love in return. Right? And, but it’s always a false, temporary love just based on what I gave them. And so I gave them a great performance and I won the Masters, so I’m going to get this love, or I gave them a great concert, or I gave them some money, or I bought them a meal, then I’m going to get something in return. And so this, this is the false love that most people have pursued because they don’t know how to get any other, kind of love. So but it’s so important to understand that, that we are created for relationship, yeah with God, self, others, our work, the environment, and wisdom. The way I define wisdom is to know who God is, the creator of the universe, and therefore who you are, what he’s doing in the world, and how you can join in. Because if you don’t have wisdom, wisdom is really an understanding of eternal truths. Capital T truths, because it’s true. Like this is, this is a, ah, you’re in a RV and I’m in a hotel room and I’m sitting on a chair. These are all true things, but they’re not eternal things. The what, what happens is people, they, they grab onto and worship things that are not lasting. Like for me, I, my God for most of my life was being a superstar and this was very, very unstable. And so what interactions says, hey, let’s, you’re worshiping something, you have faith in something, let’s put it in something that’s powerful and stable.

Wendy Valentine: Well, and as we know, it’s like we come into this world with nothing, we’ll leave with nothing. Right? And I mean, here’s a little science for everyone. An atom is 99.9999 energy, which leaves only 0.00001% matter. So why does it matter? We are more energy than matter. Like the chair you’re sitting on, the, the dinette that I’m sitting on, it’s all energy. Like with our human eye, it looks like physical, very important physical matter you know, but it’s all energy and we are energy and like we’re just kind of swimming in this little soup bowl together. And there’s really like, if you break it down that way into, into that energy, it’s, it’s way more important and way more powerful than the labels that we attach to that.0001% of matter including titles including PhD or MD or author or athlete. You know what I mean? Like it’s, it’s so much more powerful that. Than that. And I think when you can tap into that energy and just swim with it and dance with the universe, it’s so much more enjoyable. And it’s so not. So it doesn’t. You don’t feel that pressure that you do.

Jim Murphy: So I always tell my professional athletes and Olympic athletes that the number one most important thing every day is your energy. It’s your heart. Guard your heart. Because that’s where everything you think, say and do flows from it. When I say guard your heart, I mean be very intentional about what you look at, what you watch, read who you spend time with. Because your overall energy is going to be the most important fact factor that impacts your day. And so there is an energy that grows the grass and spins the earth and, and pulls the stars in place that you can connect to every day. And the farther you are from that, the more fear you have, the closer you get to that, the more love and fearless you are. And so we as humans, we get so caught up in the temporary superficial oh, I just missed that pot. Or I don’t, oh, I just made a mistake or oh, I just lost this or lost that. And we just ride these emotional roller coasters based on our circumstances and results when these are all very temporary, superficial things. And what’s far more important than whatever you think the problem is that you’re facing right now is, is the energy you have and who you’re becoming based on that energy.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s like when I, when I shared that moment with you when I was being criticized horribly by someone and I remember thinking like, I can choose my energy, how I receive this, whether I hold on to it, you know, like make it personal. But we all have that choice of the energy that we receive and the energy that we put out there, the love and, and if someone’s bringing you down or something, then, then do something about it, right? Because I, I mean I’m like an energy snob now. Say that in a good way. You know, like to me that’s self care. Like I’M I’m going to protect this heart. Not so much not like protecting as, as in putting up walls so that nothing can go in or out. But as in I want to be able to give and love give, give and receive love freely. And, and if there is, if energy, horrible toxic energy that is weighing that down, then that makes it more challenging for me to be able to do what I do right on a daily basis.

Jim Murphy: So what someone says about you, it says much more about them than it does about you. When someone’s. What someone says about you is based on their, the vision that they have of, of the, the world and that they have of themselves. And so we’re all created in God’s image. And so how I treat you is, is based on how I see what I believe about myself, about God, about the universe, about all of us. Like are we all connected? Are we not?

Energy that we exchange is based on what we see as possible

Am I in self protection or this, this creative self expression that’s egoless. Because when I interact with somebody and someone’s interacting with me, the energy that we exchange is based on what we see as possible. What the, the, the the expansion, expansion or expansiveness of our vision. For example, the more connected someone is, the more they’re going to see what’s possible for the person they’re talking to. The less connected they are, the more isolated they are, the lower, the smaller their vision and the left they’re going to see the possibilities for that person. So that’s why it’s so crucial to understand that when someone says something about you says so much, about that person, much more than it says about you. I mean none of it may be true or not, but it really tells a lot about the person.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Sonny: Everything that we go through is training for our future

Sonny, I was also thinking too when I had so many great thoughts when I was listening to your book. but my. We always say mindset, but it’s really heart set.

Jim Murphy: Yes, exactly. Yeah. Your mind. We use the mind to train the heart. Because what’s in your heart is, is where everything you think, say and do comes from. And when you’re squeezed, what’s in your heart, when you’re under pressure, what’s in your heart is going to come out. Just like you squeeze an orange, it’s not going to get apple juice, we’re going to get orange juice because whatever’s inside is going to come out. And that’s what happens when we’re squeezed. We have this. A lot of times we have false peace if we have really good circumstances or results and we’re happy right this temporary positive feeling. But take away all of your possessions and all of your achievements and status, and then are you still happy? Like, you’re not going to be happy, but can you have peace? Can you have joy? And then, you know, that’s a real, real test.

Wendy Valentine: yeah. I mean, inner, inner excellence really is outer excellence. It is. The outer excellence is a result of that. Because if you, if you’re happy here in your heart and in your mind and in your body and in your spirit, the world is just different to you. I mean, I don’t know about, like, how different your life has changed. Just what’s going on around you dependent on how you feel on the inside.

Jim Murphy: Yeah. I mean, my life changed a lot in January 12th. And, I think my life, my whole life has been training for this moment. And that same thing for you, you know, when your car caught on fire, this was training for you. And it’s. It wasn’t like you said, it wasn’t just a random, terrible thing, but it’s, it’s training for you. And so, it’s so important to understand that everything that we go through is, is training for us, for, for our future.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And, and how you can even grow from that, whatever it is that you’re going through. You know, it’s like I, I feel like any, anything that hap, no matter how small or how big, I’ll take that moment and go, okay, what can I learn? What do I got here? Like, there’s something here. I just know it. And sometimes, sometimes you don’t always get the lesson right away and might come to you later on, or you might realize you might come into another similar situation where you realized you handle that situation way better than the time before. And then you’re like, oh, damn, I did grow from that. You know, I love it. I could talk about this stuff all day.

Jim Murphy: Where does everyone get your book? You already know

All right, so where can we find you? Where does everyone get your book? You already know I got it.

Jim Murphy: Yeah. So I have a website, interexcellence.com where you can sign up for the VIP newsletter and follow other workshops and where I’ll be and, and what we got going next. Any retreats and then, interactions is in most bookstores that sell English level English language books. And then I’m also on Instagram, Inter Excellence, Jim Murphy and most other social media.

Wendy Valentine: I’ve enjoyed watching all your interviews and doing all the, you know, book signings. That’s the. So cool.

Jim Murphy: Thank you so much. Thanks for having me.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, thanks, Jim. and, I look forward to listening to the rest of the book, on the way down to Florida.

Jim Murphy: Oh, awesome. Well, have a great trip and keep me posted.

Wendy Valentine: All right, thank you so much, everyone. Have a great day.

Jim Murphy: See you.