Wendy Valentine: Welcome back to the Midlife Makeover Show. I’m your host, Wendy Valentine. And if you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, anxious, or like your brain is running on overdrive. Hello, all of the above. Today’s episode is for you. We’re diving into the power of meditation with Kelly Smith, global yoga and meditation teacher, author and host of the chart hopping podcasts, Mindful in Minutes and Meditation Mama. Kelly has helped thousands of people quiet their racing minds, overcome stress, and reconnect with her authentic selves through her.

Kelly Smith: Your her.

Wendy Valentine: Let me start over through her unique, unique approach to meditation, yoga, nidra and restorative yoga. Today, Kelly will share how meditation can activate, actually rewire your brain, reduce stress hormones, and improve memory, focus and emotional balance. We’ll talk about different styles of meditation, how they activate the vagus nerve for deep relaxation, and simple ways to build a practice that fits your lifestyle. So if you’re ready to give your brain a much needed break and tap into a greater sense of calm, you’re in for a treat.

Kelly says meditation is totally separate from your personality

Please welcome Kelly to the show. you need to rewire my brain. You need to rewire my brain so I can speak.

Kelly Smith: Oh, my gosh. You know what? Sometimes talking is just so hard. It’s like the simplest things are the toughest sometimes.

Wendy Valentine: You know what’s funny? I used to do like three interviews in a day, and by the time the third interview came around, I was like, I can’t, I cannot, I cannot. I can’t even speak. I can’t think. I don’t even know what I’m doing.

Kelly Smith: Wendy, are you more of an introvert or more of an extrovert?

Wendy Valentine: I’m an ambivert.

Kelly Smith: Tell me more.

Wendy Valentine: Not a pervert, but an amp. I could be a little pervert too. Have you ever heard of that?

Kelly Smith: No.

Wendy Valentine: you guys have. You have to Google it right now. So ambivert is a blend of the two. I know. Did I just, like, blow your mind? Did I just rewrite, Rewire your brain? yeah, it’s. It’s a bit of both because it’s funny. I. Speaking of, like, meditation, I like to be able to sit in silence and just chill. And I like my quiet time, but I can also be like, woohoo. Dancing on top of the bar, literally, you know, so I’m a little bit of both. Yeah. What about you?

Kelly Smith: I’m an introvert for sure. I mean, do you really pursue a career in meditation unless you are, like, deeply introverted? I don’t think you choose that as like your. Your Soul’s calling. if you’re a true, like, extrovert. But I can be outgoing. So sometimes I do refer to myself as, like, an outgoing introvert. But definitely the way that I recharge, like, I need to be alone. Like, social interactions do drain me, but I am outgoing. Like, I like meeting people and like, talking for a little bit, but then I’m so depleted, I need to go and, like, hibernate and meditate and be alone to recharge my batteries.

Wendy Valentine: It’s. It’s a nice point to bring up, actually, because whether you’re an introvert, an extrovert, or an ambert, meditation’s for everyone. So doesn’t. Right, like. So it doesn’t matter if you have a quiet personality or a loud personality. Everyone can meditate for whatever their needs are and their desires are. And, and yeah, because it’s like, I guess we, We. We tend to think, like there’s this myth of, like, oh, you have to be a super quiet person to be able to meditate.

Kelly Smith: No, you don’t.

Wendy Valentine: I do it.

Kelly Smith: Yeah, not at all. And when you think of meditation, it’s really just like mental training. In a way. It is totally separate from your personality. It’s the way I like to describe it is meditation is like if your mind was a light bulb. When you’re walking around all day, you’re doing different things. You’re getting your kids to school, you’re going to work. You know, whatever the light is on, it’s shining in all directions. But when you meditate, you’re taking that light bulb and you’re turning it into a laser, and you’re taking all of that light, all of that mental power, turn it into a laser, and just focus it on one thing that is so separate from your personality. Whether you’re introverted or extroverted, whether you’re outgoing or shy or, you know, you like to read books or you eat organic food or whatever it is, it’s training that light bulb to be able to go from light bulb to laser and to be able to focus on one thing at a time. It’s training for your brain. And that is so separate from any personality trait you may have or characteristic or even. I’m also neurodivergent. I have both ADHD and dyslexia, so I hear a lot like, oh, I can never meditate because I have adhd, but it’s actually like, one of the best things you can do for the neurodivergent brain. but just, like, it’s important to go and move your body for health of your physical body. Like meditation is so important for health of your mind and your brain and your brain makeup and your nervous system and all that.

What is neurodivergent? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that

Wendy Valentine: What is neurodivergent? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that. I mean I can imagine what it would be but ah, explain that to me.

Kelly Smith: Well, you taught me a new word so I’m thrilled to teach you a new word. so neurodivergent is just kind of this catch all term. It’s a little bit newer of a term when, where anything where you don’t. So the opposite of that would be neurotypical. So neurodivergence would be like for me that’s ADHD and dyslexia. It could also be if you fall like under the autism spectrum disorder or. I mean there’s a. There’s so many different things. Basically anything where your brain works differently. And so there are some that we’re more, you know, familiar with than others. It could even be like a sensory processing disorder where if you were to look at my brain, for example, like the ADHD brain, it wouldn’t be neurotypical because it would have like a different brain activity. it would respond different ways to different stimuli compared to the neurotypical brain. However, I have this theory. This, It’s a theory. No necessary. On my podcast, I like to say sometimes no facts here, just fun. No facts, just fun. Yeah. for those things that you just are your theories, you kind of feel in your gut. I actually think that truly being like, truly neurotypical, like in a 2025, I think we’re learning so much more about it. what is considered neurodivergent is becoming so much broader. We’re under. There’s so many people now getting adult diagnoses of adhd, of autism, of dyslexia. there’s also one, that I recently just like dysgraphia or something which has to do with like this proprioceptive for how you like write either right, like too hard or too light has to do with kind of this like proprioception of like your hand and pressure through your hand. And so the more that we’re learning, I think having a truly quote like neurotypical brain is actually kind of the minority. The more that we learn about this. again, there’s zero facts to back that up. It’s just something that I feel like the more we learn about realizing. Yeah, but it’s yeah, so no. No facts here. but it just seems like the more we learn about the brain, how the brain works, I’m.

Wendy Valentine: I’m fascinated by the fact that, I mean, it’s probably what, been 35 years roughly, that they realize that you can actually rewire the brain. I mean, that’s like. Neuroplasticity is the rewiring of the brain, right? And for me, it wasn’t until. Because I would. I got trained at the Chopra center, and I remember, like, going to a lot of the meditations, and it was just like, you’d be in a room with 300 plus people sitting on the floor in lotus. Complete silence. I was so stressed. So stressed. My stomach. I just. I have, like, a stomach that loves to just growl really loud when it’s super silent. So I was so stressed, trying to hold myself. No joke. I’d be like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, I hate this meditation. M. I hate this meditation. And then it was three times a day that we were doing this, and really, like, I didn’t. During that time, I did not learn the purpose of meditation. I was like, what am I doing? What am I doing just sitting here? I was just, like, going insane. And then it wasn’t until two things. Number one, I realized I do better with guided meditation. That’s like with my. My wild brain. I do better with that. I do better with, like, being guided. Like, okay, take me here. Better with, like, visualization. right. And then also when I learned about neuroscience and neuroplasticity, and that was like, talk about light bulb, right? The light bulb was going off in my brain. I was like, oh, so is actually going on up there? Like, I’m actually like, this is. There’s a purpose behind this. And, it made me feel more like I had control. Like, I. My thoughts. I just. It. Everything was connecting to me. Literally connecting of like, okay, what I’m thinking is doing this. And I could visualize it changing those neural, you know, pathways. And I was like, ooh, I don’t like that one. Let me. I want to really eliminate that stupid belief, you know? But that really shifted my thinking, no pun intended, On. On meditation. That there, it really is changing your body, your brain, your beliefs, your life. I mean, I. I totally. I totally believe that. I. If it wasn’t for that shift and in the meditation and, rewiring my brain, I would not be sitting here. I wouldn’t.

Kelly Smith: Oh, amazing.

Wendy takes over the podcast, and I apologize. I didn’t mean to take over

And, Wendy, I know this is your podcast, but I have a couple of questions for you. Is that okay?

Wendy Valentine: Carry on, Carry on. Sorry, I didn’t mean to take. I didn’t mean to take over. We’ll just switch.

Kelly Smith: No, no, yeah, Don’t. Don’t mind me. Don’t mind me. I know.

Wendy Valentine: I was like, wait a minute. Am I the guest or the host? I was like, I. I know I started, like, rambling, but I love it.

Kelly Smith: No.

There is no one size fits all approach to meditation, Kelly says

Okay. So what first brought you to the Chopra Center? Because the reason I asked this question is that’s kind of an intense play. I don’t mean intense in a bad way at all. Just quick, brief overview of, like, my personal belief of meditation. There is no one size fits all approach. It is about finding, I feel the same way, about movement, about what your body needs in terms of, like, food, diet, things like that. It’s about figuring out what works for you. Your life, your internal chemistry. And it’s about finding kind of your recipe for that. So when I say what brought you to the Chopra center, it seems like an intense place to start. I only say that because I don’t think there’s a one size fits all approach. And I’ve done things like that, too. I’ve gone and taken vows of silence and lived with monks and meditating three times a day, and every session is, like, three hours and all I have done that. And I’ve done a lot of different things when it comes to meditation to gather these different styles. So I’m so curious what first brought you there? I’d love to hear about that.

Wendy Valentine: So I was even meditating before I went to the Chirpa Center. but I had done several different retreats and things like that. I got certified in yoga at the Chirpa center, so that was part of the whole curriculum to actually do the meditations and all of that. But, but now, like, if. If I were to go and do that type of silent meditation again, I’d be okay with it starting there from. For me, at least for me, just like you said, right. It’s not a one size fits all, and you have to figure out what works for you. I realize I do better with guided meditations. Matter of fact, no joke, before we even started today, I went to your, podcast. I started like I was going through, and I love, like, all the different topics and different, like, oh, I’m having a s* day, or, oh, I need. You know what I mean? Like, I need a little boost, or whatever the case is. And I was enjoying it so much. I was like, oh, my God, I got to meet with Kelly Here I was like, stop my meditation. But they’re so good and they’re guided meditations and music. I do better with a little bit of music in the background. But again, everyone has to figure out what works for them. And, and to know that things are actually going on upstairs in your head while you’re doing it, no matter the type of meditation that you’re doing. Wouldn’t you agree with that?

Kelly Smith: Absolutely. No matter the type. Also, I think, I know people think that you have to meditate for a long time for these things to be happening upstairs. No, eight minutes a day is enough to get the physical, mental, emotional benefits of meditation. And so for so many people, especially if they’re first starting out, meditation can feel like it has a high barrier to entry. It does not. I think what we perceive meditation to be and have a high barrier to entry, which is something more like the topra center. And I’m not, this is not me center. It’s great. But you know, I love them. but we think, oh, I need to sit in silence and somehow quote, turn my brain off and, and do nothing for three hours. I could never do that. Well, I’m a meditation teacher and I, I can’t do that either. It’s also not the point of meditation is again going to that light bulb analogy. It’s about turning the light bulb from on shining all directions to laser. It’s not about turning the light bulb off. That’s not what we’re trying to do. It’s not about magically having zero thoughts. It’s about how can I continue to focus through the thoughts. It’s not about zero distractions. It’s about getting distracted and then bringing yourself back. Getting distracted, bringing yourself back. Eventually expanding the time between distractions.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Kelly Smith: And we think, you know, we think we have to be able to sit crisscross applesauce on the floor.

Wendy Valentine: No, no.

Kelly Smith: You can meditate in your recliner, you can meditate laying in bed. And we perceive meditation to be this thing that has this really high barrier to entry, which is inaccurate. It’s just this sort of stereotypical version of what meditation is that can have that high barrier to entry. It’s so much easier. So I shouldn’t even say easier. It’s so much more simple.

Kelly Smith: Than we think. There’s a difference between something simple and something being easy. Because trying to train your brain, not easy. Trying to focus on one thing at a time. Especially in the world we’re living in that so overstimulating where our attention Spans, they’ve done studies on this, are getting shorter and shorter and shorter. I think like, even 10 years ago, it used to be almost like two minutes, and now it’s down to, like, 40 seconds and just getting shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter. So we’re trying to combat those things, reverse them. We’re also in a very scary world, which is really activating to our amygdala, which is the anxiety, fear, pain center of the brain. And many people, the amygdala is actually larger, like enlarged and overactive.

Wendy Valentine: Yes.

Kelly Smith: We’re having less activity in the prefrontal cortex, which has to do with, like, it’s a part, like right behind your forehead with emotion regulation, some of that higher cognitive function, executive function, memory, all of that. And when we are meditating, we are not only training our brains, but we are changing our brains. Just like, if I wanted to, build more core strength, right. I would go to the gym, do certain exercises and be building strength, changing the actual makeup and strength of my core and how it works and all that. That’s what meditation is for your brain.

Wendy Valentine: There’s that saying of, change your thoughts, change your life. And that it’s true. You. You change your thoughts, you change your beliefs, you change your behaviors, you’re changing your brain, you’re changing your body, you’re changing everything. And you will change your life. And I think that’s where you start. I mean, I, for me, I can only speak for me, like, I know as me being my own little guinea pig in life, that that is what works. You start there and, you know, like, some people, even the visualizing. Some people will like, oh, it’s a movie screen, and you’re watching your thoughts or whatever on the movie screen. Or some people, it’s the clouds, or you’re imagining little leaves going down the river in leaf is, you know, a thought. You’re like, oh, look at there. And for me, when I started, mine was like, as if my brain, my mind was a news channel.

Meditation teaches you non judgmental observation of your thoughts and feelings

Like, if it was cnn, God forbid. But at the time, I. My mind was quite noisy, full of crap, and it was like a ticker tape of, thoughts going across. And I was watching them, and I was like, wow. Like, what kind of news do I want to watch in my mind and in my life? And I want the good news. I want good stuff. I want happy thoughts. And once I realize, oh, I have a choice, like, who’s. Who’s. Who’s running the TV show here? You know, like, who’s running the News station, it’s me. I’m the one that gets to choose the thoughts on the ticker tape. And you’re right, like once you start to observe and the point is to not like stop the ticker tape or to stop the thoughts, just watch them. Just observe. Because even if you’re watching for eight minutes of the day, think about the other, what is it, 23 hours and 52 minutes in the day. Can you imagine that ticker tape on the rest of your day?

Kelly Smith: You know what I mean?

Wendy Valentine: Like this is just, it’s like it’s like a little, a little a picture of what’s going on in your mind for just those eight minutes. And it should be not to like feel shame or guilt or oh my God, I can’t believe I think that way. It’s to like, oh, okay, well, all right, now I know it’s awareness. I think like mindfulness. Right? That’s where it all comes into play.

Kelly Smith: Yeah. So meditation is one of my favorite things about it. It teaches you non judgmental observation and that really comes into like your thoughts or even how you’re feeling. One of my favorite practices for people who are just starting or want to dabble a little bit is to do an intentional check in, at some point during your day, maybe, you know, I usually say first few minutes of your day or last few minutes of your day. Because if you say, you know, at some point, we never really get there. We just end up not doing it. But asking yourself, just taking a few deep breaths, close your eyes if that feels good, and just ask yourself and observe the answers without judgment, how am I doing today?

Wendy Valentine: Yes.

Kelly Smith: Ask yourself, how does my body feel today? What’s in my heart? What am I thinking about today? Take some time. That will take you probably eight minutes to go through those four questions. and you just observe without judgment. You will get so much information. But the hard part is the non judgmental awareness and observation. Because if you’re saying, you know what, I’m exhausted, I’m burnt out. And if that’s, if that’s how I were to feel, then I’d be like, well, I have two little kids, I have a four year old and a one year old and be like, oh, well, you can’t be, you know, burnt out. You have to go be a mom. Or how can you be burnt out on, on parenting? You’re lucky to be, you know, to have these, you know, all these things, you start sending yourself down these spirals. And so to cultivate the Skill of non judgmental observation and awareness is not only a phenomenal skill for your own well being, it’s a fantastic life skill as well. And it gives you so much more information when you’re not just being flooded with as you said, kind of that, you know, that, that Would you call it ticker tape?

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, the ticker tape.

Kelly Smith: The ticker tape. The ticker tape, yes. To just be able to observe without judgment, it’s truly life changing.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And you know, I was, God, I was listening to, I think it was a Silva Silver program the other day and she had said something I had not really. I was like, you know, I kind of knew, but I hadn’t really thought about much that you’re really meditating all day. Like there’s many times throughout the day that you’re actually meditating. You don’t really realize it where you are like checking in with yourself or thing. And so meditation doesn’t always have to be like this ritual or it could be like, that’s what I love about the word mindfulness. And I think like to me the meditation, the act of meditating helps you become more mindful those other 23 hours and 52 minutes of the day. Right. It help. You’re almost, I feel like it, you’re just more in tune with your mind and your body. Like you’re able to quiet the noise better throughout the other times of the day, whereas before without that act of meditating then it’s harder to kind of break through the noise. Like what am I feeling, what am I thinking about? you know, how, what am I frustrated about? It’s almost easier to do those checkpoints throughout the day. And even that’s a form of meditation of like just checking in with your brain and how are you doing your body?

Kelly Smith: Yes, I’m going to. Yes. And you. Because I part agree, I part disagree.

Wendy Valentine: Okay.

Kelly Smith: So yes, and the part that I do agree with is the more that you meditate, it absolutely trickles into other parts of your life. Like. Yes. Being able to kind of cut through some of those, you know, chaotic thoughts at times. Even things like, I see this a lot, my students and my clients of like road rage. That’s what that for some reason that’s the thing that a lot of my students come back and they’re like, I used to be a really reactive driver. I used to be like kind of road ragey. And once I started meditating because people always say, how do I know if it’s quote working right? Because it’s not like, if I were to, you know, again, to go back to core strength, which just happens to be on my mind because again, I have a baby at home. So it’s something that I, you know, think about rebuilding that, like, you know, core and pelvic floor after you’ve had a baby. And it’s. I. It’s so much easier for me to see something like that. I can see. I can feel my abdominals. I can see those change my everyday life. I can’t see my brain. I can’t, you know, palpate my brain and say, oh, yep, that’s feeling stronger in that part. Or, oh, yep, I can feel more, you know, mass there, whatever. So you have to look for it in the little things throughout your day. Road rage, being more patient with your children, being able to focus better on certain tasks that you used to have a hard time focusing on. Finding yourself, not constantly seeking out overstimulation things like sitting on the couch, you’re scrolling on the phone, you have the TV on and there’s a podcast playing.

Wendy Dak describes meditation and mindfulness as being like sisters

Not, you know, not constantly going for this, like, overstimulation like dopamine fix with things. That’s where you really start to see the changes. I absolutely 100% agree with that. Where I don’t always see eye to eye with other people in my field or in similar fields is when they say things like running is my meditation or, life is a meditation. Yes. you know, a check in as a meditation. I’m more of a purist when it comes to the definition. And I describe meditation and mindfulness as being like sisters or cousins or. What do they say? Like, your eyebrows should be sisters and not twins. Have you heard this?

Wendy Valentine: No. Mine definitely are not twins.

Kelly Smith: It’s just like, you know, it doesn’t quite look right. So they say, the beauty world is not my world. But they say that like, they shouldn’t be identical. It just doesn’t quite look right. They should be sisters, not twins. And I think about mindfulness and meditation in that way where they, they are not the same thing. They work well together. They’re similar. They’re not the same. So again, if we’re thinking about that mind as a light bulb, mindfulness, you can do anything mindfully. That’s taking your light bulb and just shining your light on one thing at a time. Could fold your clothes mindfully, you absolutely could go for like a mindful run. I love a mindfulness walk, which is where you just kind of go out and just enjoy the sensation of walking. No podcast, nothing. Just listen sounds, feel the air. You know, you can drive mindfully. You can do anything mindfully. It’s just doing one thing at a time and being present as you do one thing at a time. That’s what mindfulness is. Meditation is that single pointed concentration. It is truly mentally focusing your awareness on just one singular thing. So you can do anything mindfully. You can’t do anything else while you’re meditating. And that’s, to me, the, the distinction between the two and. And, they’re interwoven. They’re used interchangeably. I mean, I have a meditation podcast called Mindful in Minutes, but they do feed into one another. So the more that you’re practicing mindfulness in your everyday life, you’re slowing down, you’re doing one thing at a time. That’s then going to be such a great entry point into, like, the practice of meditation. The more you’re meditating, the more you’re going to seek those mindful moments throughout your day. But I do sometimes push back when people say that, you know, this is.

Wendy Valentine: I think that’s what I meant more like complimenting. They complement one another. Each one makes the other one a little bit easier for you. What came. What came first? The chicken or the egg? What came first? yoga or meditation? Or were they at the same time?

Kelly Smith: Yoga. Yeah. I started as a yoga teacher, and I did what so many people do. I’d love to hear your experience, Wendy. when I graduated college and I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, I was like, I’m going to take a yoga teacher training. And now as the person who leads teacher trainings, for some reason, when particularly women are feeling lost and not sure what their next step is, they’re like, I know what I should do. I’ll take a yoga teacher training. And I think it’s usually a great move. You learn so much more in a yoga teacher training than just like, this is how you sequence a yoga class and, like, successfully lead it. You learn so much more than that. did you happen to take your yoga teacher training, Wendy, at a point when you were at a crossroads in life or you weren’t sure what you want?

Wendy Valentine: Actually, yeah, I, I did not know what I wanted to. I was like, what’s my purpose? I don’t know what I want to do. and I read a lot of, like, the Wayne Dyer and the Deepak books, and I was like, oh, you know what, what the h***, I’ll just do that. But I, and I wasn’t even going into, I thought, I don’t know if I’ll teach or not, but I wanted it to teach me something about me. And it did tremendously. It was definitely much more than the asanas. And you know, it, it, yes, I loved it. It was such a good experience. Yes. Just learning about what yoga really is.

Kelly Smith: Absolutely.

Mhm explores meditation in his 200 hour yoga teacher training

And then in My first, my 200 hour teacher training, I feel like we touched a little bit on meditation again. Now that I’m the person who leads the teacher trainings, I know that part of your curriculum, like there’s certain guidelines and things that you should be following and there needs to be some meditation In a, 200 hour yoga teacher training. But it’s kind of, you’re just like getting like, just a little bit of it. In a lot of more traditional like 200 hour yoga teacher trainings, you get introduced to meditation, maybe you, you know, dabble a little bit, but you don’t really learn that much about it and certainly like not how to really artfully weave it into like a yoga class or things like that. But I very much started in the physical and the yoga and then, really found myself seeking meditation for myself and also a way to help support my students. And I don’t feel like I can ever teach something that I don’t do and have an experience for myself. So then I really started to go down this meditation, route and I have found it to be so fulfilling. And I also have found people have such a yearning for it. Like, we want, we want to slow down, we want to get more connected with ourselves. We want to be less anxious and less fearful. We want to be more peaceful. Like we just aren’t quite sure how or we weren’t, we aren’t sure how to do it for ourselves. And so being able to now share that with others feels so, so fulfilling to me. And I just, I love being able to help people, just feel a little bit better, let life be a little bit easier, let them be a little happier, a little less anxious. And that just feels like my, my purpose.

Wendy Valentine: I mean even busyness itself can be an addiction. Like, even society is like wanting our brains to keep busy, busy. I mean, obviously, I mean, just look at our phones. But it’s so busy. But you can, you have that control to not have to keep your brain and body busy all the time because that, that is stressful to keep that going all the time.

Kelly Smith: And it keeps you in fight or flight, which is not good, not good for our brains. Not good for our bodies, not good for our emotions, not good for our relationships. The way that fight or flight is designed is we’re supposed to stay in it for really no more than 90 seconds. And if you think about it, fight or flight or freeze is important. Just like pain is important. That’s the body saying, whoa, ding ding, pay attention, something’s wrong here. Right? If we didn’t have pain, we’d be like walking around like bumping into kitchen knives all day and then like bleeding out. You know, it’s important. Fight or flight is important. But if we think about what it was designed to do, we think about, you know, back when we were hunters and gatherers or whatever, right? I live in Minnesota and so if I were to go on a hike and see a bear or a wolf or something cross my path, I’d be like, ah, like my body, to keep me safe would then go into that, you know, am, I going to run from the bear? Am I going to fight it? Am I just going to freeze and hope it keeps walking? It’s a survival mechanism. But usually that threat should be resolved within 90 to 120 seconds because either the bear just kept walking or I don’t know, I fought the bear and won or I’m dead. So then it’s not an issue. And then after that, once the threat has passed, then I should start going back down to a baseline. The problem is in how we’re living right now. And this is to no individual’s fault. I mean I. Everything is stimulating, everything is overwhelming. There’s a lot going on. We have bigger, busier, more connected, more stimulating lives than ever before. But our brains interpret things like watching something stressful on the news, having uncomfortable conversations, worrying about things. Our bodies interpret all of that as the same threat as the bear and it has the same response. We stay in chronic fight or flight. That’s what can make us burnt out, sick, like deteriorating our bodies and our minds, like feeling like we’re always on that hamster wheel. And if we can’t find ways to sort of get off of the wheel, it will just keep spinning all the time.

If someone is brand new to meditation, where do they start

Wendy Valentine: If someone is brand new to meditation, where do they start? How do they start? What do you recommend?

Kelly Smith: I recommend a guided meditation. So I’m really happy you brought that up, Wendy, because I think it is just like if you were just starting with yoga, you wouldn’t just buy a yoga mat and then roll it out and be like, oh, I’ll just whip together my own sequence here, like you need a teacher to just walk you through it. And that’s all a guided meditation is is, a guide or a teacher guiding a, meditation practice for you. It’s not cheating. It’s not somehow less than other styles of meditation, but it’s someone just saying, hey, I’m just going to walk you through this, meditate. I’m going to guide you through it, which is what we all need when we’re beginning. Because how can we expect ourselves to magically be able to do something that we don’t know, that we’ve never done before? No one’s taught us how to do it. So I think a guided meditation is the perfect place to start. You could stay there your, you know, whole lifetime if you want. but if you’re just starting, like a short guided meditation, I think is the place to start, in my opinion.

Wendy Valentine: And does it matter if your eyes are open or closed?

Kelly Smith: No. You’re going to pick the one that feels better to you. Because for some people, closing the eyes, especially if we, have more trauma in our lifetime in our background, doesn’t feel good and safe. So you’re going to pick what feels safest and most supportive for you.

Wendy Valentine: Nice. And sitting, or lying down.

Kelly Smith: Doesn’t matter.

Wendy Valentine: Doesn’t matter.

Kelly Smith: Okay, let me tell you the only things you need. Wende.

Wendy Valentine: Tell me.

Kelly Smith: So whatever, whatever people are thinking, you know, you know, sitting or lying down, eyes open, eyes closed, morning or night, all, you know, all these things, like, whatever, this is all that you need. Okay. you need to be able to breathe, right? So you need to be alive. You do be alive. you need to be able to breathe without anything getting in the way. So what I mean is, we just don’t want to slump. So if you’re lying down, keep the spine long. If you’re sitting, make sure, you know, you’re not, like, twisted up. You know, anything, you need to breathe without anything getting in the way of constricting the diaphragm. You need to be relaxed enough that you’re not going to be sitting there thinking, oh, my hip is aching, but not so relaxed. We’re going to fall asleep. Sleep. And that’s it.

Wendy Valentine: Oh, that’s easy.

Kelly Smith: So basically everything else is just extras if you want.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Not to overthink it.

Kelly Smith: Don’t overthink it. And do you know how many people stop themselves from meditating because of overthinking? Or, or they’re, or, they feel they can’t get into the meditation because they’re trying to Just, like, overthink it. It’s like just. Just worry less, think less. I know that’s easier said than done, but if you’re getting caught up with, like, do I need an altar or do I not need an altar? Just you. You’re overthinking it.

Wendy Valentine: yeah, I saw a real that you had on Instagram, and I think it was with Manduka or something like that, which I love. Love Manduka. Little plug for Manduka about, like, not being a morning person. Like, you don’t. You don’t have to be a morning person to do yoga. And you don’t, yoga or that too. Meditation. It doesn’t matter. You do it any time of day. Like when, when. I mean, what do you think about the consistency part?

Kelly Smith: That’s, that’s the only important piece because just like with anything, again, thinking back to the, core strength or, you know, if you want to build muscle mass, you know, just go to the gym and, like, throw around one heavy weight like a couple of times and then be like, I’ve done it. My muscle fibers have changed. I’ve built all this strength and stability in my body. That’s not how it works. You have to be consistent. It’s the same with your mind. But remember, eight minutes a day is enough. Even five minutes is better than no minutes. And I always recommend to find a time of day that you’re likely to stick to. I. I usually say the first 10 minutes of your day or last 10 minutes of your day, because the only thing that might be consistent is you wake up in the morning and then go to bed at night. Everything else might be a big question mark in the middle of your day. I’ve changed my tune on that since becoming a parent, because now for me, the time that’s realistic is that kind of dual nap rest time, where it’s like everyone’s in their respective rooms either resting or sleeping for even just, you know, that little window. And usually I can do a quick meditation, eat some lunch, and then, you know, then we’re back at it again. So find the time in your day that you can realistically stick to consistently. Every day habit. Stack it with something, get, up, go to the bathroom, make your cup of coffee, take your cup of coffee, set it next to you. You can smell it a little bit while you’re meditating. When you’re done with your eight minutes, your coffee won’t be so hot, it’ll be perfect drinking temperature, and then continue on whatever it is, right? You do Your whole nighttime routine. You take your shower, you do your skin care, you put your lotion on, hop into bed, do a five minute guided meditation, close your eyes, go to whatever it is for you, put it into a routine of sorts, and you’ll be much more likely to stick with it. Don’t say, at some point today I’ll meditate. And this is with anything, not just meditation, right? At some point today I’ll get to the gym. It’s like, if we can’t already commit to a certain time and say, at this time, I will do this, that we already know we’re not doing it, it’s probably gonna happen.

How much do you think meditation has helped you as a mommy

Wendy Valentine: How much do you think the meditation has helped you as a mommy?

Kelly Smith: Oh, my gosh, you know, it’s. How do I even answer that? I mean, two answers come to mind. First, zooming way out. I mean, meditation has made me the person that I am today. Maybe for better or for worse. I don’t know sometimes, do I, you know, try to think of things in these big, you know, philosophicals or think like, let me sit with that and see how I’m really, you know, feeling. But I mean, it’s. First of all, it’s made me the person that I am. And the person that I am is the woman that shows up every day to be my kids moms. So there’s that also one more specific example. So, the second book that I wrote is called you’d Are not yout Thoughts? And it was inspired by a journey that I went on when I had extreme postpartum anxiety after my son was born. so bad that I didn’t sleep for days. I was so scared that if I fell asleep while he was sleeping, something bad was going to happen to him in his sleep and I wasn’t going to be awake to do something about it. So I just didn’t sleep for like five days. And I had this experience in which I like to think it was divine intervention. It truly also could have been like some postpartum psychosis, which, like, you know, I laugh so I don’t cry. But, I had this experience where I stay. I. I would just stand over my son’s bassinet and just watch him breathe. Like that’s like, for like his whole, like all night. And that’s not, you know, good. and I had this moment I was doing that. I was just standing there watching him breathe and I felt this like, presence come in. There’s a point to the story, I promise, Wendy. And I felt this presence Come in this, like, warm, comforting presence. And I just heard in my mind, it’s okay, honey, I’ll take the night shift. You get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning. And I now know, like, through, you know, meditation, introspection, I believe that was my grandma who had passed when I was young, like, like a toddler. So I didn’t really know her. Ah. But I felt this comfort. And there’s something about, like, again, I like to think it was like divine intervention. but it was also very eye opening to me of like, okay, this is. This has gone too far. This is not. Sometimes you get into those moments. I mean, hopefully none of your listeners have experienced anything as intense as that. But you do often in life have these moments, if not yet, maybe at some point where you just kind of have to zoom out and you’re like, this has gone too far. This is not, you know, I, you know, this, this depression or whatever this anxiety is, is too much. My relationship with food, my. Whatever it is, this has gone too far. And that was my moment of this has gone too far. And it inspired me. And the irony of a meditation teacher suffering extreme postpartum anxiety is not lost on me. However, it really spoke volumes to. Anxiety doesn’t discriminate the brain. If the brain. Because anxiety starts in the amygdala, if the brain’s going to start firing in that way, it doesn’t care what your profession is. And I did m. Have a strong meditation practice, but it made me really dive into anxiety specifically and what you can do in terms of a meditation practice to work on rewiring the brain to have smaller physiological responses to anxiety. And that’s what led me to then writing, you are not your thoughts. so. And it completely changed my postpartum experience the second time around with my daughter because I wanted to make sure that I didn’t have that same experience experience, the second time around. So long term, it’s changed me. And then also in like, moments that felt a little bit like crisis. It’s been really like my life raft in those moments.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. I think even for me, there’s been times in my life where, like, I really appreciated the meditation. Like, I wanted it so badly just to even. Just to have a break from whatever was going on in my life. And what’s great is that that break, if you will, and doing the meditation, it’s actually helping you handle all the stress.

Kelly Smith: M. It helps in the short term and in the long term is what I think about. Like, it helps in the moment, to calm the nervous system, to quiet the mind, to kind of turn the volume down on the chaos. But then over time, with that, you know, changing of the brain with that, cultivating these skills through meditation, it’s also helping you in the long term as well.

Wendy Valentine: It’s great that you meditation is kind of becoming more normal now. Whereas like even 20, 30 years ago, like when I, you know, see, it’s been 33 years, 33 plus years since I became a mom for the first time. And it’s like, you know, I didn’t have those resources back then. If, if there were, you know, it would be hard to find. But it’s great that nowadays that no matter, you know, moms, dads, friends, you know, whatever, there’s access for everyone. And it affects, you know, it’s like the butterfly effect. It affects every part of your life. And it’s not just helping you yourself, it’s making a big difference on your, on your energy, on your mood. Oh my gosh. It helps all parts of your life.

Kelly Smith: I think about how much it helps you to be able. Like if you can listen to yourself, you can listen to others. And something that I feel like we’re all kind of missing, I should say all. I feel like one thing we’re kind of list. We’re. We’re missing collectively or losing is the ability to kind of just hit the pause button and be able to listen, to hear, not to respond. and to also be more intentional with our words and what we’re saying. And I think that’s something that meditation helps you cultivate.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. So true. So good.

Wendy says nighttime meditation is for the purpose of falling asleep

I need to meditate when I get done. I really like, even lately I’ve been thinking like I, I have not been consistent. I’ll admit I’ve been so busy with and you know. Yeah. But I do need to just make that I do my nighttime meditation. But I’ll admit like my nighttime meditation is for the purpose of falling asleep. So I do. Yeah.

Kelly Smith: Okay. But Wendy, here’s the thing. People tell me this and they say it like it’s some bad thing or like they’re admitting to some. Okay. If sleep is essential to life. And people will say, well, what if I use meditation to fall asleep? Great. You need, you need sleep to survive. That’s phenomenal. You need to take care of your basic needs first. And if that’s what helps you, amazing. I love it. Keep doing it.

Wendy Valentine: Yep. Yeah. and, and yeah, I mean it definitely is. It’s very helpful. I Fall asleep. And I need that sleep now, you know, but. But during the day I think it would be good. But. And, and that’s just for me. Like, there’s certain times my life, I feel like I really, really need it. Like I’m craving it.

Wendy has written two books about meditation and mindfulness

So your book, Wait, don’t tell me. Meditation for the Modern Family.

Kelly Smith: Is that right?

Wendy Valentine: No.

Kelly Smith: Yes.

Wendy Valentine: Yes.

Kelly Smith: My first book is called Meditation for the Modern Family. and that’s one that I wrote to help people figure out really easy, simple ways to weave meditation and mindfulness into the family system. So not only for your kids, but also, like, for you. So the way it’s broken down is like the first section is kind of all meditation, one on one. How to talk to your kids about meditation, how to use it to, you know, support yourself. Then the big main section has like 35 different topics. Things like anxiety, courage, resilience. And then it’s part reflection on those topics. And then it has three practices. One for little ones, one for like, adolescents, and then one for teens and adults, followed by mantras for that topic. And then the final portion is for like, if you’re pregnant, or how to use meditation to support your partnerships if you’re raising a family with someone else. so that was my first book, Baby. And then the second book, Baby, is called you’d Are not yout Thoughts. And it’s part book and part 8 week guided meditation journal. because studies have shown us that eight weeks of regular meditation can rewire the brain to have smaller physiological anxiety responses and a greater, ability to be able to manage our emotions and our thoughts. So that’s my second book, Baby.

Wendy Valentine: And both of those are available.

Kelly Smith: They’re available. And everyone. And Wendy, remind everyone about your book, Baby. My book Baby, I want to hear about.

Wendy Valentine: actually, whenever this episode airs, it just might be ready for pre order. I mean, you know, writing these books are like, oh, my God, the hardest.

Kelly Smith: Things I’ve ever done. Yeah, yeah.

Wendy Valentine: Right. Besides having kids. Okay.

Kelly Smith: But I call it a book.

Wendy Valentine: I know, so do I. I’m like.

Kelly Smith: Like you’re going through that same journey.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, yeah. One long pregnancy. So, yes, Women Waking up is the name of my book.

Kelly Smith: Wow.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Seven Steps of Midlife Greatness.

Kelly Smith: Ah. I love.

Wendy Valentine: And I do actually talk about meditation in the book too, because it is extremely important. Yeah.

Kelly Smith: Everyone go pre order it.

Wendy Valentine: Go pre order.

Kelly Smith: Go pre order it. It sounds phenomenal.

Wendy Valentine: Yes. I can’t wait. Well, thank you so much. where can we find you? I know I mentioned your Podcast, but mentioned those again, because they’re amazing. I didn’t listen the Mama one yet, but that’s a good one.

Kelly Smith: Yes, thank you, thank you, that’s so generous. so Mindful In Minutes is my bigger podcast. I’ve been doing it for eight years. So there’s over 500 guided meditations over there, most of them under 20 minutes, a lot of them in kind of the 8 to 12 minute range, all different topics. I would love to have, you know, anyone who’s wanting to meditate, I would love to have you over there. Meditation Mama is a similar format, all guided meditations, but specifically for the fertility, prenatal, postpartum period of, someone’s life. So, I don’t think that currently applies to you, Wendy, that I know of.

Wendy Valentine: I’m so.

Kelly Smith: Yeah, and so I know that was not quite as relevant to listeners of this show necessarily. but, you know, could be, could be, but could be. Absolutely could be. You never know. So that’s my second one. That was my pandemic baby project was creating Meditation Mama. And then you can find me on Instagram, at Yoga for you Online. And then my website is Yoga for you Online. You can get more information about everything that I’m doing there. Trainings, retreats, books.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, you’re doing all. I mean, it’s amazing. I was looking at. I love your website, by the way. I’m kind of like, yeah, I take.

Kelly Smith: A lot of pride.

Wendy Valentine: Yes, it’s really, really good. but yeah, you’ve got all sorts of cool stuff going on. You’re, you’re, you’re an old soul. You’re very wise.

Kelly Smith: Yeah, I really appreciate that, Wendy. That means so much.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, yeah. You’re doing so many good things for the world and it’ll be interesting, you know, like, with your kids to see they’re, they’re being raised in this type of family with these, you know, the beliefs of meditation and the yoga and calming your mind. And it’s so important for them.

Kelly Smith: It is. And I hope to put certain tools in their toolbox. Like I think about even going back. You know, I joke, but it’s not really a joke that, like, we’re all formed by like our middle school trauma and like, what would it have been like to be a seventh grade girl and to have some of these tools in my toolbox that I have now that I acquired, you know, in my 20s? but what would that have been like if I would have had some of those tools in my toolbox back then?

Wendy, I’m looking forward to your next book

And so I hope to just. Even if my kids don’t necessarily use it now, they do. I mean, my. My son who’s, you know, four. You know, to be a four year old, it’s a tough time, you guys, to be born, to have all these feelings and, you know, and it’s a tough time to be four sometimes. Also like the sweetest age. But just some of the things he says, I’m like, oh, well, that, you know, when your kids say something, you’re like, oh, is that really what I said?

Wendy Valentine: Oh, I know.

Kelly Smith: Yeah. But he’ll be like, what is your heart feeling, Mom? And I’m like, oh, okay. Well, you know where you got that one from? But you know what too, though?

Wendy Valentine: I think the best thing is teaching by example.

Kelly Smith: M. Yeah. Just modeling for them. And so I hope to do that and then just put some tools in their toolbox that I hope will serve them long term.

Wendy Valentine: Thank you so much. You’re. You’re awesome.

Kelly Smith: Thank you for having me, Wendy. And, you have such beautiful energy. So fun. Anyone watching this, comment and tell Wendy how great her glasses are. Glasses? They look phenomenal on her.

Wendy Valentine: They’re pink today. Bright pink today.

Kelly Smith: They look great.

Wendy Valentine: It’s funny because, like, this company where I got them from and I’m always wearing like the different clips for them and they go back through and they will like on Instagram, every single video that I have where I’m wearing their glasses, they never send me any.

Kelly Smith: Maybe you should ask them.

Wendy Valentine: I did. Oh, I like y’all need.

Kelly Smith: Did they ghost you or. They said, I’m afraid they did.

Wendy Valentine: I know, I’m like, go. Tough crap.

Kelly Smith: What do I.

Wendy Valentine: What’s a girl got to do to get some free clips for my glasses?

Kelly Smith: Oh, man, that is, you know, that’s. That’s savage. Tough world out there.

Wendy Valentine: Well, thank you so much. I’m looking forward to your next book because I know there’s another one in you. Well, I.

Kelly Smith: You know what? I feel that too, but I don’t know what it is. You know, you have to wait for it to reveal itself.

Wendy Valentine: Did.

Kelly Smith: Your book reveal itself to you? Or you’re like, that’s.

Wendy Valentine: Uh-huh. It. I got two others. I got two others in the works. I think the next one’s gonna be a fiction. Oh. Based on a true story. Based on a true.

Kelly Smith: It’s gonna be a fiction.

Wendy Valentine: It’s gonna be a fun one. I’ll give you a hint. I gave a hint. So do you journal.

Kelly Smith: I forgot to ask do you journal? Is it going to be like sexy fiction? You don’t know why it is?

Wendy Valentine: Could be, could be. so whenever. I haven’t been doing it lately, but whenever I would journal.

Wendy Valentine: And I would never list, like, you know, like, people.

Kelly Smith: I know this about you, you know, you know, you leave them places, huh?

Wendy Valentine: Uh-huh. So cool. So the book is basically about the people that pick up my journals and airports and that whatever was going on in my life during that time, that. That actually coincidentally helped them with whatever they were going through. Right. And that should be a Netflix series. But there’s some juicy stuff in there.

Kelly Smith: I bet there is. Also, you could spin it into like a. You can take all this part. This has nothing to do with meditation. If you want to take all this out, Wendy, go for it. But like, I could see this also going the true crime route, where it’s like someone picks up a journal in an airport and then there’s something so salacious in there. And then they’re like. They’re like, oh, how they’re. And then they’re like, oh, I need to solve this mystery. What happened?

Wendy Valentine: See the.

Kelly Smith: Yes, the journey to Netflix. I feel like they love, like a.

Kelly Smith: Take eight minutes to meditate today

Wendy Valentine: Thriller, like a true. Oh, they love a good, good know. And yes, everything has to do with meditation.

Kelly Smith: Everything.

Wendy Valentine: Thank you, Kelly. Kelly Smith.

Kelly Smith: Oh, thank you. Thank you, Wendy.

Wendy Valentine: Everyone, have a beautiful day. Take eight minutes to meditate.