Wendy Valentine: Welcome to the Midlife Makeover Show. I’m your host, Wendy Valentine. And if you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by stress or struggle to find peace amidst life’s challenges, today’s episode is for you. Our guest is none other than Christine Carlson, co author of the New York Times best selling Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff series. Oh, yeah. One of my fave books, which has sold over 25 million copies worldwide. Wowza. Christine’s wisdom has helped millions embrace mindfulness, resilience and joy in everyday life. Her personal journey of transformation, navigating profound loss and rediscovering purpose is even captured in the lifetime. Okay, word. How to pronounce this? We think it could be biopic or biopic. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. That Christine Carlson story. Today, we’re diving into her newest book, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff every Day and, discussing simple, actionable ways to shift your mindset, reclaim your peace, and navigate life’s transitions. Whether it’s stress, grief, or midlife reinvention, you’re going to walk away with powerful insights to help you let go of the small stuff and embrace a life of calm, gratitude and resilience.

Christine Carlson is the author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

Please welcome Christine to the show.

Kristine Carlson: hi. Hey, everyone. Thank you. And thank you, Wendy, for having me on. This is so much fun. Wendy is just such a delight and a bright light. It’s a blast just sitting with her. Well, thank you.

Wendy Valentine: And I told you already, it is an honor to have you here. I mean, I also shared with you I have probably 500 people on the wait list for the Midlife Makeover show podcast. And I was like, I. Yours came across in my email and I was like, oh, yeah, she’s going to the top.

Kristine Carlson: thank you, thank you. That is, that’s an honor for me. So thank you very, very much. Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: And it’s been what, over, over 20 years since don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. And I can still remember buying that little bitty book that made a huge difference in my life, helped me to find a little calm, especially when I was a mother. Right. Well, I’m still a mother, but with little kids. But, I know a part story, but I want you to tell the listeners just in case they don’t know. So 20 year anniversary, but then your 10 year anniversary of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, tell that story of that. Yes, I’m going to let you. You know what I’m talking about, so I’m gonna let you do.

Kristine Carlson: I do. Yes. Yeah. So, just backing up a Little bit. Just so you know about my late husband, Dr. Richard Carlson, who really is the author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. I kind of came into the series with him when he invited me in to write Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love, which was probably like the third book in the series. third or fourth. And, and anyways, Richard had been writing about happiness and, how to feel good again if you were going through depression, for many years. Actually, Don’t Sweat the Small stuff was his 10th book. I don’t know if you knew that, but.

Wendy Valentine: Oh, I did not know that. Wow.

Kristine Carlson: Yeah, so it was his 10th book. And you know, that book just, it really just was different. He, he kind of captured that short chapter and a time when technology was really booming. it was during the dot com era and, email was coming out and cell phones and all of that. And, you know, I think the reason why Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff took off was not only was it the title, but it was the time, I think that as a culture we thought that email and, technology was going to save us time. And what we quickly found out was actually it just took more of our time up and it created overwhelm for people. And so I think that’s why Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff did so well and, and boomed so fast even around the globe. Because that technology boom was a global thing, so speeding up to 10 years. we had two daughters in high school, one just entered high school, Kenna. and Jaz was a senior. And Richard was promoting his latest book. And, it was, he got on a flight to go to New York to promote his latest book. And on the descent of that flight, he had a pulmonary embolism that took his life. and it was, wow, it was just so, out of the blue on so many levels. Like, we were just not at all prepared at that time in our lives. really early midlife, you know, I was 43, he was 45. And where our kids were in high school to go through such a loss and so quickly, it was like having the, rug completely pulled out from under our feet. yeah. And it, you know, I mean, everybody, you know, I don’t have to tell anybody listening, you know what that was like. You know, most people in midlife have gone through some pretty big stuff by the time you hit midlife. And, and you don’t have to be afraid. I mean, it’s like. But midlife is, is. It, can be A challenging time to navigate. And it certainly was for me losing Richard at that time. yeah, I, you know, and I, I just went through grief. like a lot of people, it was challenging time. But I also knew that if anybody was so somewhat equipped to go through it, I was. I had done a lot of personal growth work in my lifetime. being the co author of several books by that time with Richard and the Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff series. I really had a lot of tools in my tool belt. And I also had an incredible community of mentors that were with me during that time. They were not only going through the loss of Richard themselves because he was a dear friend, but they were with me. They, they were supportive of me. And I think, you know, I, I went through, it took a long time, I’m not gonna lie. I mean, I didn’t, Yeah, I kind of zip through grief. You know, I, I, I, I find that grief, no matter what kind of transition you’re in, Wendy, and is that it’s the reconciling of your lost dream. You know, like you, you go through such a loss and you have to come to a level of acceptance and, and come to a new ability to see forward and to be able to dream forward in your life and, and, and, and accept that you’re going to create a new life. And that is just a really, you know, that’s a path. That’s a, that’s a, that was totally, unchartered territory for me and I just began to, discover a lot more about myself and my level of resilience when I went through that loss. And, and then I felt very compelled to write about it. So I felt very compelled to keep a journal, which then became heartbroken Open a Memoir Through Loss to Self Discovery, which then became the Lifetime movie years later. So that’s kind of been the journey.

Wendy Valentine: Wow. I am so sorry. I, and you, I did not know that about him. And then when I was reading through Must have. I was probably on your website for over an hour today and I was just like, so I was like crying through parts of it. And then your, your daughter’s little, page there where they talk about their dad and I just, I just cannot fathom. But you know, it’s interesting. You know, here, here it is. All those years of like, not sweating the small stuff and then here’s this. Some really big comes along. Like, you know what I, but kind of like you said like all it was almost. I mean, nothing can prepare you for stuff like that, nothing. But, at the same time, it was. It was at least you had all of this beautiful work and. And this and that you were able to at least manage the. The grief.

How you live every single day can make a difference in how you grieve loss

Kristine Carlson: Yeah, I mean, I think people have asked me a lot and can you prepare for loss? And, I always say, no, you can’t really prepare for that kind of loss. However, how you live every single day, it really does make a difference in how you not go through loss, but how you return to a life of joy. And that’s the part that I learned over time, is that I didn’t know I was like anybody. I didn’t know if I was ever going to feel joy again. I felt so much deep sorrow. It was. I. I just. I felt like it would swallow me whole some days. And. But I. After I began to really heal and understand that that’s what I was doing was healing because I was surviving, I started to realize that there becomes a choice now, and am I going to just survive this, or am I going to choose to thrive? Am I going to choose to heal? And, am I going to choose a life of joy again? And that’s where the power is. It’s not that you don’t. That you have a choice that this happened is that you do have a choice in how you move forward and certainly feeling and going through grief. And, you know, I never thought of grief as an enemy. I kind of thought of grief as my friend because I knew that grief only was. Was there to help me to go through the emotions of loss and the emotions of, you know, finding my path, finding my way again back to light and love and joy. And so I. I wasn’t afraid to dive in. I just knew that going in was gonna bring me out. And I learned that because my body really told me, you know, I. I started to realize that I, would get this really bad stomachache when I wasn’t crying enough. And as soon as I would allow myself to cry, cry, and really just get it out, I started to feel these. Just these even blissful moments right afterwards. And I started to say, oh, that’s my body rewarding me. Because after going through childbirth, you know, birthing two daughters, I realized that, you know, when you go through this kind of loss, you’re birthing a new life, and it’s not unlike childbirth. Like, you go through those contractions, right? Those contractions of grief, and they hurt like childbirth. But, you know, grieving a lost partner or a child is a much longer process sometimes. And. And yet Everybody goes through it differently. Everybody goes through grief differently. But what it does take for anybody is a tremendous amount of courage to just face what’s happened and. And face it and. And then find this sense of new purpose and meaning somehow. And I think that path is.

Richard said something to me right before he died unexpectedly

Richard said something to me. Excuse me, right before, he died. It was just amazing. He had a couple things he said to me, and it was as if there was a part of him that somehow knew that something was going to happen. And he said, chris, you know what I love about the human spirit? And I was like, what, honey? You know, it’s like, what, honey? And he said, I love that there are people in this world that take their greatest tragedy and they allow it to move them forward in their lives so that their life has greater meaning than it might have otherwise had. And that is just. That was so profound. That was like, three months before he died unexpectedly. And I remember just hearing his voice, you know, shortly after he died, saying that to me, because I was so present when I was listening to him. And then the other thing he had said to me, very soon before he died, was that the circumstances don’t make or break you, but they reveal who you are. And I. I thought that is so powerful that the circumstances won’t make or break you, but they allow you to come forward. And. And I started to really understand that in grief and loss is that it allowed me. I was so present to what I was feeling, but in such an authentic expression, in such an authentic way, I started to begin to live outside of maybe the perfect life that we had created, and really started to live from a place of true meaning and true purpose, because I just had to survive and get through every date with my girls. You know, it was just like a different life once he died. It was just a totally different life.

Wendy Valentine: I was just gonna say I’d.

It took many years for me to be completely free from grief

I think I’d said this the other day with Andrea Owen, that, like, sometimes you have to dive into the dark just to reveal the light. And in those darkest times, and it’s like, oh, And when you were talking about kind of like that birthing process, you, know, with grief. And it makes me think of the butterfly, right, like inside the chrysalis, and that if you were to cut the top off and pull the butterfly out, it would be deformed and it would die. So the butterfly actually has to struggle to get out of that chrysalis so that it can fly. And so the struggle is, okay, it’s. It’s like, you don’t want to avoid it, just like you were saying, like you needed to. To cry and to get it out and to. To let it all go. And it’s tough, but it’s. You have to just face it and almost make it like a friend, like you said.

Kristine Carlson: Well, I think what. I think that people are scared that if they allow themselves to go there, that they won’t come out. And it’s actually the opposite. If you don’t allow yourself to go there, you’ll never come out. It’ll just be denied and, and that’ll be. It’ll just create this sort of malaise, even potentially illness inside of you. And I, I somehow intuitively knew that. And I just. I didn’t want to have that energy inside me. I wanted it out. I wanted to be free of it at some point in my life. Now, that took many years for me to be completely free. it wasn’t like it was many years. And, and they say that when you lose a spouse that you love, it can take, you know, it can take 10 years or, you know, just to absolutely feel completely complete in your grief and, and, and not deny that, you know, that you’re, you know, you’re really always missing that person. And one of the things I tell women that have gone through loss, and I’ve worked with a lot of women who have gone through loss, I say, you know, look, if it were reversed and, and you had died, what would you want for your partner? You know, you would want your partner to, to move forward with their life. I mean, and, and that’s what we all want. You know, we don’t want you to sit in misery forever like we want you to. That’s not love. Like. No, love is actually moving forward and carrying that person with you, in your thoughts and your. You know, I, I think of Richard every day. I miss him every day. But I’m not in grief anymore. And I’m definitely, you know, moving forward with my life. And I have for many, many, many years. And that’s the permission that I think we all have to. To let go of what we wanted our lives to be and realize that still we have a life to live. And, and we’ve got to decide. We have to choose. We have to live it with passion. And then, of course, with passion, there comes purpose.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Acceptance, it’s. It’s hard. That’s probably been my, you know, a lot of people say, oh, choose one word for the year. I think it’s been acceptance for me. Especially like last year, it’s like. And sometimes it is just accepting the reality of things that are. And just like your husband had said about the circumstances, like it either make you or break you. And you have that choice. Everyone has that choice. And I want to say too, about grief, that if you don’t face it, it, it will bubble to the surface later on. And I. That happened with me because. So my husband had died at the age of 26. I had two, two, two boys. I was a single mom and you know, not boohoo, what was me. But I didn’t make the time to grieve. I was like working three jobs, blah, blah, blah, trying to raise the kids. And I just never really properly grieved. I never really let all those tears out and everything. And then my brother died, like probably maybe 18 years later after that. And then I can remember right before I went to go see my brother, he was in a coma. And right before I left to get on the plane, I looked in the mirror and I told myself, I’m like, you’re grieving this time. Like it was like it was a gift that I was giving to myself. I’m m. Like, I’m going to give you the gift of grieving. I don’t care how long it takes, how bad it gets. Like, just freaking do it. And I’m so glad I did because it really. I would not be sitting here talking to you right now if I had not really faced all of that darkness and all of that grief. And but like when the light lifts, oh my gosh, it’s so nice.

Do you think that you also grieved your late husband at that same time

Kristine Carlson: Do you think that you also grieved your late husband at that same time?

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, if it came m up. And I was like, it was like everything else image, like everything, everything just came to the surface. I was like, okay, bring it on, let’s go, let’s go, let’s.

Kristine Carlson: And I do think, like for some people, you know, you were very young. I mean, you’re not. Your brain isn’t even fully developed at, ah, 26 years old and with two young children, you know, that, that, that was just, you know, I’m sure you were, it was too much for you. You had to put that on hold. And. But it’s a beautiful thing that you were able to grieve both your brother and your late husband at the same time and let go of all of it. And I always say grief is like the great house cleaner for all the tears you never shed. You know what I mean? Like, you just kind of go Inward and. And it just.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, I like that.

Kristine Carlson: cleans out all the pipes.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, I had a lot of cleaning to do, a lot of detoxing to do.

Kristine Carlson: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: So not sweating the small stuff. How did this come about with Richard?

Kristine Carlson: Well, like I had said earlier, Richard had been writing about, happiness for many years and was a psychologist and was not into traditional therapy. Like, he had identified that there were these principles of happiness that, when applied to life as a life practice, that people just got happier and m. So that’s where don’t, sweat the small stuff came in. I think he just was really brilliant in that way that. Yeah, yeah, he just identified. Before mindfulness was a thing, before positive psychology was a thing, he was already on it. And, And I think what’s beautiful about don’t split the small stuff is that people over generations, have shown that when they apply these, you know, these principles of happiness, these tasks that he gives you to do in the book, and they do them, they feel better. And like you said, that you feel calmer. there’s a way in which when you feel like you’re living the life you’re meant to live, it calms us down. You know, it. And when we’re living to our values, which really don’t sweat the small stuff is full of, just really wholesome, great values, to. To live by. And, And I think that’s when we feel like, oh, okay, I. I am living the life I meant to live. Because let’s face it, I mean, we all get so busy and. And we start flying by the seat of our pants and. And then before long we have anxiety because we don’t feel like we have any sense of control. But it’s not about control. It’s just about choosing, knowing that you have a choice.

Wendy Valentine: I was actually thinking about this earlier today, that sweating the small stuff can actually be a habit.

Kristine Carlson: Oh, totally. Habit is a habit.

Wendy Valentine: yeah. Of reacting or thinking that you. Or that you have to react or, oh my God, I’ve got all these emails and I gotta do this and I got the laundry gonna do that. And in the grand scheme of things, like do all these little things, I mean, it’s not that big of a deal. Like, I have to remind myself of that all the time.

Kristine Carlson: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: Because otherwise, I mean, if you do sweat the small stuff, it will make you sweat. It affects you physically and mentally and emotionally and spiritually. It. And it piles up all those little things, all like getting stressed about the. The silliest of things, it piles up on you and it affects the people around you.

Kristine Carlson: Well, I like to say, Wendy, that you know, you can be reactive to life or responsive to life and, and when you’re sweating the small stuff, just like you just said, you are reacting to life. When you’re not sweating the small stuff or you’re living life mindfully, you’re responding to life. And there’s a huge difference. There’s a huge difference. Responsiveness means that you’re able to pause and check in and really ask yourself like, what am I feeling? How’s, how what, what. You know, you get to choose when you respond, when you react. You just have these knee jerk reactions and it never feels good. Like, you know, never feels good. Like you’re always like, oh my God. There’s a lot of backpedaling in life when you react. At least if you’re a conscious person and you don’t, you know, and you, you take other people’s feelings into consideration, you realize that being reactive means that you’re probably saying things you don’t really mean. It means that you’re creating a lot of stress for yourself by overvaluing certain things and not prioritizing other things. You know, when we prioritize our mental wellness, it means that we know that our stress is going to be a, create, it’s going to create a lot of issues in our bodies. Our stress is going to create a lot of issues in our relationships with the people that we love, with our co workers that maybe we don’t love so much but we have to see every day, you know, with all the people that we are around, our kids. And I think when you, when you decide that you want to calm down and become a more mindful person, it just takes a lot of intention. And it is, it is a practice because you do have to break, the habit, as you so eloquently put, of sweating the small stuff. And you can replace those habits of being uptight with, with more relaxed activities. And that’s how you make change happen in your life. It’s a daily, it’s a daily kind of progress. But I wouldn’t say it’s a lot of work. It’s just, it’s just being more intentional about how you live.

Wendy Valentine: Mindful. You know what too? I was thinking that, I mean really a lot of us could be, you know, were raised to sweat the small stuff. I was, I mean I was raised in a household. My mom especially would just freak out about the silliest of things. And then as a child, you think, like, that’s normal. You’re supposed to be, like, freaking out about this. And, oh, my God, he forgot to put the, you know, turn the dishwasher on last night. And then I become a mom, and I’m supposed to be like, oh, that’s what you’re supposed to do. You’re supposed to act like that. And then I would just exhaust myself trying to sweat the small stuff until I realized it’s. It’s just not worth it. And isn’t it funny, though? Like, if you’re. Let’s say if you’re in a really stressful situation with someone, you’re at the airport and the plane was delayed, and you, know everything’s going wrong. And if you’re with someone this chill and relax, you’re like, whatever, it’s all going to work out. Then you feel more chill and relaxed. Whereas if it’s not, you know, if someone is, like, freaking out about every single thing that’s going wrong, it. That energy affects everyone.

Kristine Carlson: That’s funny, because that. That’s the one scenario.

Being mindful of small things can help you deal with stress

Richard always used to say he was going to get caught because he did a lot of traveling for work. and he was like, somebody’s gonna catch me sweating this. Because, you know, there’s a lot of, like, at the end those days, there’s a lot of, like, oh, my God, I have to change flights. I have to. You know, and he’s. And there was delays, and, you know, he was, And he’s like, oh, my God, I’m gonna get caught sweating the small stuff here. Because that’s a great example. And. And, yeah, you know, I mean, there’s. Everybody has their buttons, you know, and I think. But. But it’s helpful to know what buttons you have and. And then to be able to, you know, ask yourself the question, is this really going to matter a year from now? You know, is this really. Is this an emergency? Because most of life is not an emergency unless you’re actually in one. And then, you know. You know, when an emergency is happening, you’re in one, but. But most of it is in an, emergency. And yet we can turn little things into such big deals very quickly.

Wendy Valentine: Did you ever watch, on Seinfeld when. When George Costanza was, like, pretending like he’s like, you know, if I just talk like this, and I act like this, and it make. Everyone thinks I’m busy, so I just talk like I’m, like, so true.

Kristine Carlson: That’s funny.

Wendy Valentine: Like, we just Pretend we’re gonna sweat the small stuff. So it seemed like we’re really, really important where it’s like, it’s really not that big of a deal.

Kristine Carlson: Yeah, yeah. No, yeah.

Wendy Valentine: But you’re so right. It’s. It’s a lot just being mindful. And there were. I mean, sometimes, yes, like, there. We’re going through something stressful in life, and there is something small that pops up. And I think the key is just being aware of it. And even if you just. If you do sweat the small stuff a little bit, be like, okay, it’s fine, you know, you can start again. You can try again the next time around and just becoming aware of again. Like you were saying about reacting and not reacting. Well, we.

Kristine Carlson: We have a saying, and we, We used to say, if you can become graceful when low and grateful when high, that’s the epitome of. Of how to live, you know, Grateful when high and graceful when low. So, you know, it’s not like happy people, if you ask somebody what their overall happiness is, people who say, yeah, I’m pretty happy. It’s not like they’re happy every day or every second of every day, but. But they definitely know how to get back to feelings of contentment faster. And, And. And that’s. That’s about really understanding that you. There’s an.

Wendy Valentine: You.

Kristine Carlson: You really can let a lot of stuff go, and. But you have to start with really understanding that everything starts with a thought and that your thoughts are just made up by you. You know, like, that’s kind of a very basic understanding. it’s just realizing that it’s all created by you. So really deep down, every. When you’re going through stress, that’s also created by you. And it isn’t as though there are not stressful things that happen, but if stress was universal, then all the same things would stress everybody out. And that’s just not true. People are stressed out by different things in their lives. And so you can identify, you know, the areas that really stress you out and then ask yourself, you know, how do I want to shift this? How do I want to change this? Because I know this isn’t good for me, and I know it’s not good for the people around me. And I want to have a positive impact on the world. I want to have a positive impact on the people around me. And, And. And it. That just takes just a little bit of shifting, you know, and a little practice.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Took the words on my mouth. Practice, right?

Kristine Carlson: Yep.

Wendy Valentine: And I’m sure you probably Know a lot about neuroscience and neuroplasticity. Yeah. It’s crazy that. Well, in that. In that while, now that I think about it, I mean, it’s only been 30 years that they realize that they can re. You know, we can actually rewire our brains about the same time that Don’t Sweat Small Stuff came out. Right?

Kristine Carlson: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Right.

Wendy Valentine: Think about that.

Kristine Carlson: Years have made great strides in bringing neuroscience to, you know, the public to mainstream. So.

Wendy Valentine: And that’s really what a lot of what that is. It’s that practice of changing your thoughts, changing your beliefs, changing your behaviors, changing your reactions.

Once you decide you want to let stress go, we find a way

Right. like, it’s. And so it’s very, very possible if someone out there is listening, they’re like, oh, my gosh, I overreact to everything. I always sweat the small stuff. You don’t always have to be that way. You can actually change it. Like, I’m living proof. Because just like, I told my story, I would react about the silliest of things. I was like, why am I reacting like this? And I was just. I would get headaches, my neck would hurt. Like, it was silly. I’m like, why am I doing this? It’s not gonna matter.

Kristine Carlson: Right?

Wendy Valentine: Like, you said it a year from now, I call it the, Like, if you had a drone, you know, if you had a drone that was like, zooming out and zooming out, and they’re like, oh, you can see me sitting here in my apartment here in Portugal. Then eventually, I’m like this tiny little dot on Earth. And then eventually, Earth is a tiny dot where. What happened to all that stupid stuff I was stressing about? It really is not that big of a deal.

Kristine Carlson: No, it really isn’t. And. And it does take that. You know, I. I think. I think that sometimes people are, addicted to stress, and they’re addicted to. And they feel like, who would I be if I wasn’t, you know, I wasn’t hitting myself on the back like a monk, you know, And. And torturing yourself to be that person. But, you know, the truth is, you would be more creative. You would be more, More. You attract more of what you want versus what you don’t want. And. And that’s just something that you have to discover about yourself. I mean, I think that once you decide you want to let stress go, we find a way. We find ways to do that. And, you know, that’s why we. That’s why I love this new book, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff Every Day, because it helps you to identify Daily. Something that you can focus on and think about, and apply to your life. And, and that’s kind of what it takes, is just a little bit of practice, a little bit of thought and intention. I mean, that word is so powerful, isn’t it, Wendy? Intention.

Wendy Valentine: Intention. I know exactly.

Kristine Carlson: You’re placing your attention where you want your, life to grow, you know, and that’s, that’s at the very. That’s the core of mindfulness, is setting your intention and placing your attention on what you want to grow in your life and what you want to practice, grow stronger. So, yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s a. Ah, it’s a beautiful journey, though, once you get going, because you start to realize, wow, I really can do this. This is kind of like once you learn to ride a bike. Like, you’re kind of falling down and you’re stumbling and you can’t really get your balance, and then suddenly it just comes and you’re, like, gliding. And that’s kind of what it’s like to learn how not to sweat the small stuff and live this way.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And you know, too, like, if you’re not stressing about even small stuff or big stuff, whatever, it leaves space in your mind and in your thinking and your creativity to, to do other things and to find solutions. I mean, I remind myself of that. If, if I’m in a situation where, like, everything’s falling apart, I’m like, okay, let’s not stress it. Like, what can I control? I always think of, like, the serenity prayer, you know, God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can. And then, like, huge. Yeah.

Kristine Carlson: Beautiful.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. That prayer has lasted me for a long time.

Kristine Carlson: Oh, yeah, me too.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. But it’s like, what can I do? You know? Like, okay, sometimes I will. I, just stop and go, wendy, what can you do?

Kristine Carlson: Yeah. And can you change this?

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And, like, one thing we can control is, is how we react our emotions. We can calm ourselves down. Breathing techniques.

Wendy learned to meditate when she was 19 years old

I noticed you have meditations too. Yeah, it’s awesome.

Kristine Carlson: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we do. yeah, I mean, we’ve. We were always meditators. That was. We were very fortunate to have learned to meditate, in our teens. Really? I was, like, 19 years old when I learned to meditate. And it, it just shifted our entire way of life, just learning that simple technique of calming down on your inner life. And, you know, the more that you can tune into your breath and your heart, and Your emotional well being, the better you are. And you just, you know, I, I think that helps your communication with people when you can tune into your heart and, you know, and listen deeply to somebody else. These are all just qualities that, really enhance your life and enhance everyone, everyone’s lives around you too.

Wendy Valentine: He left behind such an amazing legacy, and, I’m so happy that you. Or carrying the torch too.

Kristine Carlson: Yeah, I feel really blessed to have, an honor to do that for him. And, and it’s also, you know, given my life greater meaning to do that too. I mean, not that I didn’t have solid meaning in my life when he was alive, but the idea that I had to rise up and, and kind of claim my life myself as a teacher and claim, you know, how I wanted to serve was, Is really powerful for me and has been super powerful for my life. And, you know, I love, helping women. I love leading women’s retreats, and I lead them all over the world. And there’s one common element at my retreats, and that is that I deeply want to connect with the women, be on retreat with them, and also see them make these lifelong friends and connections on retreat that become complete support systems for them as they move forward in their lives and, and create a new dream for their lives. Because isn’t that where we all end up in midlife? Like, we, we’ve sort of lived these lives. We’ve been living, you know, doing lots of things, and we get to midlife and we’re like, okay, what now? What do I want to do now?

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, who am I and what am I doing?

Kristine Carlson: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So it’s, it’s been a really incredible journey, Wendy. And, and I, mean, of course I would rather have Richard here by my side, you know, with me. But I feel like, I feel like I’ve honored him and I, I’ve honored our lives to have continued on. And I, I feel really good about the life that I’m living now. And, and my kids are good and, you know, they’re grown. They’re grown now. I have five grandchildren.

Wendy Valentine: And I saw that on your Bible. Yeah, I don’t have any.

Kristine Carlson: It’s all, it’s all, you know, people do heal and, and we, we are able to move forward amidst, you know, great tragedies in our lives. But, but, you know, I’ve seen friends go through breast cancer and cancer and, and survived and, and now we’re thriving. And I, it gives me a lot of hope that we do have that ability as, individuals and as a collective to help. To help everyone heal.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Kristine Carlson: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: You make the most out of everything. I mean, whether, you know, you, you know, have 26 years of life or 45 or if you’re lucky, to live all the way to 100. Still, life is really, really short.

Kristine Carlson: It is. It is. It’s precious and it’s short.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. How do we get your book? I can’t wait. I already told you. I was like, when I get back to the States, I’ll be there in three weeks. I’m getting a copy of your book. And it’s so perfect because it’s just like a daily read.

Kristine Carlson: Yeah. You can just, find it on, you know, any of the great bookstores. So an Amazon, of course, has it. But if you’re not an Amazon fan, you could go to Barnesandnoble.com or any place and, and order it there or go into an independent bookstore and order it, you know, so, yeah, it’s available. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Every day.

Wendy Valentine: Those books, your. Your books are everywhere.

Kristine Carlson: I still see them.

Wendy Valentine: I can still. Do you still have the original? Is. Has the book cover changed, the original one?

Kristine Carlson: Well, I’ve had many iterations, but this is my most special one. It’s a hard. A hard copy. I only have three of these or four of these. I’ll probably give these to my grandkids at some point and. But yeah, I. I still have the original don’t swept the small stuff cover. And then it’s like a brown.

Wendy Valentine: Isn’t it like brown, like, kind of?

Kristine Carlson: Yeah, it’s like brown and burgundy kind of. Yeah. Has little designs on it.

Wendy Valentine: It’s funny. Like, I can. I mean, there’s some things I cannot remember for the life of me, but I kid you not, I can still. Like, there’s certain books. I can remember where I bought them from and where I was at and where they were at on the shelf. No joke. And I can still remember. I can still remember. Don’t sweat the small stuff. And I was always like, okay, what. What book am I gonna buy today? And I can remember seeing that one. It’s on the bottom left hand corner. And I was like, don’t sweat. I was like, huh?

The simplest teachings I have found are the most profound

I remember, like, flipping through it. And you know what, though? The simplest teachings I have found are, the most profound.

Kristine Carlson: Totally.

Wendy Valentine: I think sometimes, like, we expect nowadays, like, we need something, like, really, really solid tools and techniques. Not really.

Kristine Carlson: I mean, no. Go back to basics now.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. Go back to the basics. Every. Yeah, everything. Yeah, yeah.

Kristine Carlson: I mean everything is. Everyone’s trying to find a new way to say things and that’s okay, you know, we gotta find. We have to throw our own flavor into it, you know, and that’s the whole beauty of, of the publishing world is that, you know, everybody has a story to share. Everybody has their own unique way to share it. But sometimes I think some people get so jargony that they lose sight of the, you know, the very basic things like, you know, just being like become a world class listener. You know, it’s like, you know, that’s. Or you know, just say, gosh, just wake up and think of three things that you’re grateful for. Go to sleep and think of three things you’re grateful for. You know, you don’t have to have a fluffy name for it, you just have to practice it.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, exactly. And don’t sweat the small stuff.

Kristine Carlson: Don’t sweat the small stuff. We are living the big stuff. No doubt.

Wendy Valentine: I know, I know. Thank you so much, Christine. It’s been magazines so happy I met you.

Kristine Carlson: Thank you. You too. Thank you so much. You are a joy.

Wendy Valentine: Thank you. And everyone get a copy of that book. And don’t sweat the small stuff. I promise. Don’t do.