Dr. Alana Cavalia talks about myth, meaning and midlife empowerment

Alanna Kaivalya: Foreign.

Wendy Valentine: Welcome to the Midlife Makeover Show. I’m Wendy Valentine. Today’s guest is here to guide us deep into the heart of myth, meaning and midlife empowerment. Dr. Alana Cavalia is a best selling author, spiritual teacher, and a powerhouse of wisdom when it comes to mythology, psychology and women’s transformation. With a, PhD in mythological studies and depths of psychology, Alana blends ancient truths with modern insight to help women find fulfillment, power and purpose, especially during the pivotal midlife years. You may know her from her best selling book, like the Way of the Satisfied Woman or from O, look at that, I love the COVID Or from her hit podcast, the Satisfied Woman. In today’s episode, we’re diving into how the myths we’ve been told and the ones we tell ourselves, most importantly, can shape our journey as women. We’ll talk about breaking free from outdated archetypes, reclaiming satisfaction in our lives, and how midlife is actually the perfect time for reinvention. I totally agree. Whether you’re feeling stuck or seeking deeper meaning, this conversation will awaken the goddess within you. So grab your headphones and get ready for some serious soul talk.

Please welcome Dr. Alana to the podcast

Please welcome Dr. Alana to the.

Alanna Kaivalya: And such a pleasure to be here. Wendy. Thank you so much for having me on the podcast. I’m really excited about our chat today.

Wendy Valentine: Me too. And I, I hope, you guys are viewing on YouTube because. Hello. Can we look at the curlies and the wonderful glasses? I mean, are we in our feminine power or.

Alanna Kaivalya: We’re totally turned up today. God.

Wendy Valentine: I know, right? It is so great to have you here. And I must say, you are a New World Library author as I am.

Alanna Kaivalya: I know. I love that sisterhood. It’s such a powerful group of people that they curate for their authors. And everyone that I’ve ever met who’s a New World Library author is just such top quality. they are such a wonderful publisher and I’m so grateful to be with them.

Wendy Valentine: They’re so amazing. especially Kim. I must say that I, you know, I did go skipping with her in Sedona.

Alanna Kaivalya: No, you did not. Are you serious?

Wendy Valentine: We did a little skipping.

Alanna Kaivalya: I worked with her, on my first New World Library book back in 2015, and she was skipping even back then. And so the girl has not given it up. And I remember I told her, you know, did you know that skipping is the most efficient form of locomotion on the moon? If ever you should end up landing on the moon, your best form of forward propulsion will be skipping. And she was blown away by that fact. And I was like, yeah, you know, now you can. You can keep it. That’s yours.

Wendy Valentine: Use that lunar, power, you know, like y.

How did you get into this beautiful niche of femininity and this women’s empowerment

How did you get into this beautiful niche of femininity and this women’s empowerment?

Alanna Kaivalya: Well, you know, there’s a lot of answers to that, but the most cheeky one is the fact that I was blessed by being born a woman. Oh, yeah. That kind of automatically put me in the niche of figuring out what it means to be a woman in this world and how to really, embrace and embody what we have today as women, which is more power, choice and agency than we have ever had in the history of the world. And I know that things are tough and weird right now for women, and we’re still on our way to. To getting everything we want, which is part of the work that I do. But we, are better positioned to do it. And, you know, I. I didn’t fall into the work. I’ve been actively pursuing it for a couple of decades. But I was in a different career path and studying other things. I came from a yoga and spirituality back background. And one of the things that really lit me up about that area of study was this dichotomy or duality of the masculine feminine polarity. There’s a lot of talk about it in Eastern mysticism, in mythology around the world, really. And it’s got its foundations in depth psychology as well. So all of the study and work I was doing facilitated that. That interest for me. Because frankly, I think, you know, as women, we’re always trying to figure this out, like, why is it so hard? And why are we always disempowered? And why. Why is everything, you know, two steps, one step forward and two steps back for us? And it’s this constant sense of frustration and, you know, challenges. The mother of all invention, essentially. So I was trying to figure it out. And it was something that I started talking about with my audience in the past. But a couple of years ago, you know, Wendy, I think it was just. There was something in me, and it was almost like. I don’t know if it was a reckoning or a moment or a shift. I ended up getting into the right relationship and realizing the empowerment of being fully in my feminine. And it was the first time in my life that I’d ever felt that supported and that free. And something really shifted in me and I decided to go whole hog into this. I sold my old business and wrote this book and started this business, the Satisfied Woman, because I was like, women need to know this. They need this support. They have to have it. And I felt so called about it, and it just so happened that I started this probably about two years ago, really leaning into this, selling my business, writing the book. And the book came out in November of last year, election month. That was not planned or timed. I didn’t write it in response to that, but I thought to myself, you know, the universe is really affirming that this could not be a better moment for us to really lean into and rise up as satisfied women.

Wendy Valentine: I totally agree. I love all of this.

I have so many things I want to say about menopause right now

I have so many things I want to say. I want to start with as far as it being the perfect time. Just even. Like, I’ve thought about that, too. Like, even with my book, you know, women waking up and. And it is a weird time right now, but it’s a beautiful thing, and I’ll tell you why. It’s. It’s kind of like with a butterfly when they’re in the. The chrysalis. Right?

Alanna Kaivalya: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: And if. If I was holding a chrysalis right here and I cut the top of it off and I pulled the butterfly out, the butterfly would die.

Alanna Kaivalya: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: And so the butterfly actually has to struggle to get out of that chrysalis in order to fly and be free. And so I feel like that’s where we, as women are right now in the world. And it’s such a. Like, it’s like, oh, my God, like, I have goosebumps.

Alanna Kaivalya: I do, too, actually. That’s a very powerful metaphor.

Wendy Valentine: Like, I feel it. And, like, even, you know, Oprah, she. She just did a thing, I think, last week on a, menopause summit or. I don’t know what it was. I didn’t get to watch it yet. And there’s the new how to menopause book. But menopause aside, like, not that we can put the ever aside, because it’s part of us. Right. Embracing that, in. In learning how to maneuver. Learning how to not just survive anymore, but, like, truly. Truly thrive as a woman and allowing. Giving ourselves and each other the support and the permission to fully embrace our femininity and the love for ourselves and the love for each other. It’s pretty, like, powerful. It’s amazing.

Alanna Kaivalya: it’s incredibly amazing. And, you know, I. This is. I’m not, like, I can’t overstate the fact that this is the first time in history we have this ability. Twenty years ago, we didn’t have this ability. Women couldn’t even have their Own checking account without a male co signer until 1988.

Wendy Valentine: Are you serious?

Alanna Kaivalya: I am completely serious.

Wendy Valentine: Oh, my God, that is insane.

Alanna Kaivalya: As challenged as we still are, we have the challenge. We have the chance and opportunity now. And I think the biggest, you know, words for roadblock confusion, you know, the sense of not knowing what to do is because we’ve never had this before. And so there isn’t a really clearly laid out pathway. You know, we don’t have a legacy, a history of satisfied women to look at and be like, oh, that’s how you do it. Which is why I wrote the book, which is why I’m talking about this, which is why I’ve started this, this business, which is why I do the podcast. Because we need to give women some structure and some ways to move forward with these opportunities, even though it is still. And this butterfly metaphor, oh, my gosh, I, you know, I used to be. I used to be so resentful of it, honestly, like, can, ah, we just help that poor little butterfly? Like, I know they have to squeeze that fluid out of their legs into their wings in order for their wings to fluff up to fly. And I, I talk about this quite a bit, that as women, you know, we hold such a powerful post in our world. We are the emotional regulators of our families and our spaces and communities, which means that a lot of the emotional labor is on us. you know, we are the ones who recognize when things are out of balance around us. So we have to say and speak up and use our powerful voices to course correct whatever is wrong. Which means we have to be brave, but it also means we have to be heard. I mean, there’s so much on our laps, and it would be great to have help, but, you know, help comes in the form, hopefully, of healthy, supportive, masculine counterparts and. And also in the form of other women who are there to help. And, you know, I fancy myself a cowgirl, and m. One of my good friends says, like, as ladies, we have to fix each other’s cowgirl hats. You know, we have to straighten each other’s hats up and make sure the brims are not. Knock them off, not remove them. and women have been taught for a long time that the other are, you know, we’re competition for each other.

Wendy Valentine: Yes. Oh, gosh, yes.

Alanna Kaivalya: We can’t do that anymore.

Wendy Valentine: I had interviewed, a lady last week, and she. She made this statement and just. It has stuck with me. But she. She was telling how, you know, her thought process as she was looking For a man. And, like. And that was the thing. I’m gonna look for a man. And she even said that the man is the plan. That she thought back then. Like, that. Yeah, I know. I was like, right. I know. It’s genius. The man is the plan. And when. When she said that, I thought back, you know, since childhood and teenage years, and, like, that’s the pro. That’s the thought process. The man is the plan. You find the man and then that there’s your life. So, yeah.

Alanna Kaivalya: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: That combined, I’ll have to say, too. This, I mean, not a session, but this. This. Something stuck with me when, I was married at the time.

Wendy says she learned about masculine and feminine energies after her divorce

And, I was, This lady said to me, she says, how does it feel to ride your husband’s coattails? And I was like, wait, was it. Did she just insult me? And then I thought, I was like, damn. She’s literally saying, I’m only successful because he’s successful because his name, Dr. So and so, is on the window. Then therefore, you know, I’m like, behind the scenes, and I’m not. And I’m not seen. Right? And that. Never mind that I managed, you, know, three or four of the practices and raised three kids, two dogs, two cats and a household and blah, blah, blah. I was like, even as a woman, I thought, what in the world? Where is this where coming from? You know?

Alanna Kaivalya: And here. Here’s the thing, Wendy. It’s a catch 22, right? So as a married woman, you’re only seen in perspective of the man’s success. And clearly, it’s not about you. I had a similar story kind of on the flip side. It was back in, I think, 2012. I had already written my first book. I was traveling internationally, teaching workshops, teacher trainings. I had a website. I had a podcast at the time that had 2 million downloads. By all accounts, I was successful, but I wasn’t making any money. And I had a good friend of mine who was a business owner. He and I got together, looked at all my assets, everything that I had, all of the, you know, credentials and work and everything, in order to try to figure out what my business model could be for me to be successful and make money. And he had this PowerPoint presentation. He brought me into the office at 7pm at night. He was really excited to show me everything that he developed in his big idea. And you know what his big idea was? He goes, alana, the best thing you can do is marry a rich man.

Wendy Valentine: Oh, oh, oh, oh, that hurts.

Alanna Kaivalya: And I said, well, nope, so you know what I did? I went out, did it anyway, and created a seven figure business on my own.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. So awesome.

Alanna Kaivalya: Yeah. I mean, you know, because why not. Because I could. And yes, it was probably a lot harder for me to do because women in business behave and act and are motivated by different things.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Alanna Kaivalya: Except, you know, except that the world of business and commerce and success has been structured and formatted by the masculine and with masculine values. So it’s like we’re always kind of fighting this uphill battle and doing all this extra work. But again, it’s the butterfly metaphor. We’re ultimately going to fly.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, exactly. You know, it was after my divorce, which was about seven years ago, when I really started learning about the masculine and feminine energies.

Alanna Kaivalya: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: And when I, when I started learning about that, I realized I had been using so much of my masculine energy.

Alanna Kaivalya: Yes.

Wendy Valentine: In my marriage, in. With. As a mother, in the career that I hated all of it. Like, I. And m. I was like, where is my. Where is little feminine Wendy, come. Like, where is. Where’s this little goddess? And I literally hired a goddess coach after. Yes. And I always say, like, I got a divorce and I married myself and.

Alanna Kaivalya: It was a great. Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: And it was the greatest gift I gave to myself. And I tell you, I didn’t, I didn’t leap out there and start dating right away. Like, it’s always so tempting, kind of. But I, you know, I spent that time really learning about my, the, like you said, the duality, the dichotomy of the, the energies and learning to tap back in to that femininity. And I, I missed her. I missed her so much. And I was like, I felt bad for her. I was like, girl, it is time to play and kick some ass and have some fun our way, you know?

Alanna Kaivalya: Well, you know, Wendy, first of all, let me affirm that because women everywhere are feeling that I do a lot of one on one coaching with women in, in this literal capacity, because I appreciate you said I missed her and I wanted her back. Many women haven’t even had the chance to let her out. We are raised in this patriarchal culture and you know, for like, let me just name it. The patriarchal culture centers masculine values, but not even that. Well, it’s not like it’s centering good masculine values. It’s not even doing a service to masculinity. So this is not in any way to vilify masculinity or men. I love men. I love the healthy masculine. The problem is the Patriarchy. We’re all stuck in it. And with this centering of masculine values, women have to do what I call donning the mask of the masculine. Because, number one, we’re taught that the only way to move around life is through those masculine values and traits. Number two, success can only come on masculine terms. And our femininity is so diminished and devalued. We’re trained that our greatest value as a woman is to constantly give and give and give and give ourselves away. So our femininity is depleted. We’re even afraid of it. We are like a bottomless well that’s always dry. It’s. I mean, the only word I can think of is it’s disgusting.

If women could actually drop the mask of the masculine, lean into their feminine values

Wendy Valentine: I know.

Alanna Kaivalya: Like, I’m literally disgusted by it. Like, hang on a second. If women could actually drop the mask of the masculine, lean into their feminine values, we create more balance in this system and then you and I get to be empowered, receptive, abundant ass kicking. Game changers.

Wendy Valentine: There’s nothing I was thinking about this morning. There’s nothing more beautiful than a. A satisfied woman. A happy. Right.

Alanna Kaivalya: A effing men girl. Yes.

Satisfied woman is the pleasure derived from fulfillment of your wishes

Wendy Valentine: What is, what does satisfied woman mean to you?

Alanna Kaivalya: Oh, I’m so glad you asked. So, I was very intentional with every inch of this book, I promise you. I thought so long and hard about how to bring this work to woman, women in a way that would resonate with them and really feel powerful. And about 30 years ago, there was a seminal work, in the field of men’s work, actually, men are doing this work. They’re doing. Oh, that’s great.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, that’s awesome.

Alanna Kaivalya: I love the men’s work. There’s a few different leaders out there that I really love and respect. Like, they’re, they’re doing it. Women are not yet really doing this. Women are stuck in kind of the self help, how to find a man, mode. When I was researching the book, you know, you have to, you know about this. When you’re researching a book and pitching it, you have to say like, what else is out there in the market? Like, what kind of competition do you have? I couldn’t find anything. So, all I could find was books telling women essentially that they’re crazy and here’s how not to be crazy, or here’s how to, here’s how to call in your right man.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. And here’s how to tone it down.

Alanna Kaivalya: Yeah, we’re not doing any of that. This is a whole different movement. But anyway, this seminal book about 30 years ago was written by a guy named David Data. And it was called the way of the Superior Man. And I was like, all right, we need to refresh that whole idea. And I’m not here to be superior to anybody, but what would be the counterpoint to that? And so I came up with the way of the Satisfied woman. And when I looked up the definition of satisfaction. Are you ready for this? Because. Yeah, every time I say it. The definition of satisfaction is the pleasure derived from the fulfillment of your wishes and needs.

Wendy Valentine: Interesting.

Alanna Kaivalya: Let me unpack that for a second, because that is entirely feminine. Now, every human on the planet has to have their needs met. And I’m not talking about just a roof over your head and food in your belly. I mean, any of your core needs, anything that makes you feel most full and complete as a human on this planet, you have to have your needs met. So that’s what gives us a sense of safety and security. Now, the fulfillment of wishes. Wishes creates meaning. Life has no meaning except that which we bring to it, said the great Joseph Campbell. You bring meaning to your life through the fulfillment of your wishes. The things that you create in this life, the things that you manifest. And who creates and manifests better than the feminine? Nobody.

Wendy Valentine: Yep.

Alanna Kaivalya: Fulfillment is not an end goal. Fulfillment is not linear. Success is linear. Right. We are all chasing after success. But that’s very, directed. It’s very. At all costs, it’s often to the detriment of others. There’s an end goal or a finish line. And when we get there, we often feel unfulfilled or we just move the goalpost further. Women don’t do things that way. We want to take a detour. We want to hang out. We want. We want the pathway to be circular. And women are not happy unless everyone around them is also happy and benefiting. For a woman to be satisfied, everyone around her also has to be in a state of joy. M. Okay. It’s that old adage, if mama ain’t happy.

Wendy Valentine: I know. I was gonna say happy.

Alanna Kaivalya: Research shows that’s actually true. That when women are happy and fulfilled, it actually resonates with their family, their community. So that sense of fulfillment, it’s holistic. It’s ongoing. You wake up every day. It’s a feeling. It’s a feeling is, am I okay today? Am I happy today? And for women, that barometer is always shifting, and we’re always leaning into more happiness, more fulfillment, more comfort in any way we can. And the feminine does pleasure. If satisfaction is the pleasure derived from the fulfillment of wishes, and needs. When women feel pleasure, they run it through their bodies. It is literally our life force energy, lighting us up from the inside. Women are the harbingers of life force energy. It is ours. We create life whether we’re mothers or not.

Wendy Valentine: Right, Right.

Alanna Kaivalya: Create things from almost nothing. And everybody wants that life force. Well, if you want that life force, you better light your woman up with pleasure.

Wendy Valentine: Exactly.

Alanna Kaivalya: Sexual pleasure. I mean, emotional pleasure, relational pleasure, career pleasure, communal pleasure. You name it, I want it all. Yeah. That’s the satisfied woman.

Wendy Valentine: That’s a satisfied woman. And it’s funny when, when I had asked you that question in my mind, I was like, yeah, what is the satisfied woman? And I was like, but you know what?

Emotion and intuition are the feminine superpowers, Wendy says

I. I know a satisfied woman. It’s me. Because I feel that way. M and I know when, when that’s off and I don’t like it. But I’ve learned to try to be like, okay, we’re a little off. That’s okay. But I know how it feels to be satisfied, to truly like. And it wasn’t until I was 50 years old. I’m 52 now. It wasn’t till I was 15, 50 years old that I finally learned, until I fell in love with myself, really. Until I became that satisfied woman.

Alanna Kaivalya: Imagine that, Wendy. Imagine 50 years in a state of dissatisfaction. And I will, I will tell you. There are women who have never felt satisfied. There are women who have never felt safe, who have never felt secure, who have never had. Who have never had the trust and ability to honor their own emotion and intuitions. So emotion and intuition are the feminine superpowers. They are not logic and reason. When our patriarchy says, oh, you’ve got to be more logical, tone down those emotions, you’re crazy. That’s a little more BS belief system on the part of the patriarchy trying to keep us down. Our emotions and intuition are how we calibrate our satisfaction. And until we learn to really listen to and honor our emotions and intuition, satisfaction can’t happen. We have to center them every day. Every day we have to center them. And let all of our decisions and our movement be based on them.

Wendy Valentine: The same time that I was learning about the masculine feminine energies, I was learning about quantum physics too. And which I love. It’s so fascinating and Right. And then learning we’re, we are energy. Right. And atom is 99.9999% energy, which leaves only 0.00001% matter. Why does it matter? It’s because we are more energy than matter. And when you can tap into that, most importantly. Right. Tapping into that feminine energy, watch out.

Alanna Kaivalya: Yeah, it is.

Wendy Valentine: And. And you know what, too? I always feel like there’s this misperception that to be feminine means to be soft or weak. I know.

Alanna Kaivalya: the feminine is wild and fierce and untamable. The feminine is, powerful, incredibly energetic. The feminine gets done. The feminine is. No, I mean, think about. The feminine is like a storm. Okay. Or. I’m a sailor, so I like sailing metaphors. Feminine is that ocean. You know, the. The wind. You can’t control the wind. You can’t contain the wind. You can’t control the sea, but you can move on it. Uh-huh. You know, you set your sails right, you can move on it. And boy, oh, boy, is that movement powerful. You know, there. There are mythologies around the world that. That speak of femininity in this really wild and fierce way. And, you know, one of them is Indian mythology or Hindu mythology, where they talk about feminine as the power of creation. Like, this universe gets here because of us.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Alanna Kaivalya: And that’s true. You know, so there’s this. There’s an incredible lie in our Western culture that the feminine needs to be meek, needs to be mild, needs to smile, to be pretty. and again, it’s. These are all very deft strategies.

Wendy Valentine: Yes.

Alanna Kaivalya: To keep the feminine small and disempowered. Because when we’re small and disempowered, we can be controlled. And when the patriarchy controls the feminine, they control families, reproduction, ownership, everything. And that’s incredibly important for them because all they want is power and control. They. I don’t know who they are, by the way. I’m not blaming anybody in particular, but, you know, the patriarchy. Them.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, exactly. You know, I was just think. Well, you’ve got the. The sailing, analogy. I will use an RV analogy.

Alanna Kaivalya: Yes.

Wendy Valentine: With a. With a kerosene lamp, actually. so I’ve always thought about that, like, we. We have this, you know, like, even on my little kerosene lamp, it’s got this little light. And. And one thing I had realized during my little kind of break, midlife meltdown to midlife awakening, if you will, is that I have control of that dialogue. And I can turn up the flame, I can turn up my light, and, you know, my.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us

My favorite quote, probably of all times, Marianne Williamson. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. And I Get. I kept. For some reason, and I didn’t even know why, I kept clinging on to this quote for years. And I was like, why do I like this quote so much? What is it trying to tell me? And I realized, I was like, oh. And I asked myself this question, okay, Wendy, what if you fully stepped into your light?

Alanna Kaivalya: And I was like, oh, cry, Wendy.

Wendy Valentine: Oh, I know, right? Like, that means you gotta. You might have to get out of relationship. You might have to quit your job. You might actually have to really put yourself out there in the world. But. Right? Is it not freaking worth it? Is it not, like, worth, like, pushing the blood through your veins and busting out of that damn cocoon, Right? It is so fudgeing worth it.

Alanna Kaivalya: I would actually go further and say that it’s not that it’s. Of course it’s worth it, but I don’t know that we have a choice. Yes, I think we have to. I think that it’s critical and necessary. And if we don’t, we have unlived lives and unrealized potential. And that’s just not an option. I’m sorry. It’s just not an option. And you know that. I think the first time I heard that quote was probably at least 20 years ago. And I remember holding onto that so tightly. And it’s been a while since that’s been spoken aloud. But one of the things that I’ve discovered in my research and my work here with the satisfied woman is, yes, all of that is true. Right? We have our kerosene lamp. We can turn up the light. Our light is the thing that scares us the most. We are powerful beyond measure and all that is. Yes. But the thing that I want to really point out and lean into that I don’t think gets enough air time these days because we live in this culture that really relies on doing it yourself, that prizes the individual, that says, you don’t need anyone else. You can do it alone. Of course. It’s your light. It’s your power. It’s yours, yours, yours. Unfortunately, that’s not a hundred percent true. I wish it was, Trust me. I wish I could just turn up my own light and be done with it. I wish I could just love myself and everything’s okay. Because I love myself. I’m great. You know, like, that’s not the issue. We actually have to live on this planet with other people. And our evolution has actually been dependent on being in relationship to others. We thrive in relationship with others. We can’t isolate ourselves. It’s impossible. So there is this counterpoint, and I just want to put it out there for everyone out there who loves a woman. Whether you’re a woman yourself, whether you identify as anything else, please, let me tell you, here’s your public service now. You have a duty. You have a duty to support that woman in Shining, because it will help her, and in turn, it will help you. And this relationality, I think, is really the future that we’re not isolating ourselves anymore, because that’s a state of disempowerment. Isolation is one of the ways the patriarchy has used to keep women disempowered and alone. Anytime a person is alone, they’re more easily controlled. So it’s, in our relationality, it’s in our relationships that we will become most empowered, most realized. I mean, think about the MeToo movement of 2017. I was in New York City at the time.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah.

Alanna Kaivalya: And a million women marching down Fifth Avenue in pink pussy hats. I’m sorry. That has more impact than me doing it by myself.

Alana says she had to change her relationships in order to become feminine

Wendy Valentine: That’s true. You might be a little weird. Like, why?

Alanna Kaivalya: Oh, no, I would be happy to do it.

Wendy Valentine: I’d still walk up and fix your hat, though, you know.

Alanna Kaivalya: Thank you.

Wendy Valentine: I like. It’s a little tilted, Alana. You might want to straighten that out right now. You’re vajayjay. Okay. I know. Yes. You’re so right, though. I mean, we can’t deny the masculine energy, whether it’s within ourselves, within the universe, within our relationships, and. And especially even the other fen. I would say it’s like. Because it’s all. It’s all merged into one. We’re like in this little bowl of soup of, masculine and feminine energy. Right. And it’s.

Alanna Kaivalya: Yeah.

Wendy Valentine: Kind of back to your sailing, you know, metaphor. It’s the same thing of learning to. To kind of flow with it and. And, yeah. I mean, I had to change my relationships in order for my femininity to. To breathe and to. To be out into the world. I had to. That’s what I was scared of. I knew if Wendy was fully windy and everything that I wanted Wendy to be, that shit was gonna have to change. And. But I was willing. I was willing to go through that, and. But what ends up happening. I feel that when you step into that and you’re putting that out there and that. That your kerosene lamp is shining, you will end up attracting more. I mean, look, I attracted you. I mean, it’s freaking awesome, right? I mean. Yeah. And it’s like, oh, My gosh. And then we become this parade of. Of women that. And we just have to keep going and going like that. We just cannot. We’re not. We’re ain’t stopping, girl.

Alanna Kaivalya: We’re not stopping at all. We’re not stopping at all. And I love that you brought up that energy of attraction, because that’s deeply feminine. We. We are here to receive. Let me just tell your listeners. Listen, Listen up. We’re here to receive. We’re not here to continue to over give. We’re not here to overachieve. We’re not here to overdo the time of women continuing to give ourselves away and overdo everything. It’s done. Let’s just call it over.

I often encourage women to heavily curate their lives

When we are in that receptive energy and receive, not only are we in abundance energy. Right. But we’re in the energy of calling those around us into their highest selves. And they either will or they won’t step up. Now, I’m a huge fan of heavy curation. I. I often encourage women to heavily curate their lives. Like, if that relationship isn’t serving your high knees and keeping you elevated, maybe it’s not the right one. If that career isn’t keeping you elevated, maybe it’s not the right one. Now, that said, we were all raised in this hot mess of a culture. Like, let’s give each other a little bit of grace. Nobody was pulled aside in grade school and taught, like, here’s how the best expression of the feminine looks like. Here’s what the best expression of the masculine looks like. Like, give people a little bit of a chance and an opportunity. You know, you’ll have to do a little emotional labor. Have them, you know, but if they love you, if they love you, if they desire that you live and express your best self in this life, they’re gonna try and full, full credit for effort. But if they’re not trying, if that love isn’t there, if they’re unwilling to shift their position in any way into a more healthy version of either masculine or feminine, cut that cord.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, you’re right. Yeah.

Alanna Kaivalya: You don’t have the energy to give anymore.

Wendy Valentine: No. And that’s. I feel like the receiving part. I can relate to that. I’ve. And I still struggle with it. Yeah. And I. But in comparison with years ago, years ago, I’m much better at receiving.

Alanna Kaivalya: Nice.

Wendy Valentine: Because, you know, it was like, oh, me, strong woman, I can do everything I don’t get. You know, I mean, that’s how I was raised. That’s what I was. And in some Ways. It’s great. It’s great to have, you know, that masculine energy to be able to, like, step on stage in front of a thousand people or, you know, like, there’s certain things you need that masculine energy for, but then, ah, bring it down and like, this nice. Like, so it’s like, kind of. It’s this beautiful. The yin and yang.

Alanna Kaivalya: Right. It’s gonna be able to drop it because that masculine armor is so heavy. You know, the mask of the masculine is inauthentic for us if it’s permanently on. And you’re right, there are definitely moments, especially as a single woman, where you do need to pick up some masculine energy to do something specific for sure. But then we need the space to drop it and down the shift. Otherwise, this is the kind of thing that leads to exhaustion, overwhelm, burnout, high stress, high cortisol levels, which then leads to heart disease, inflammation. All of the bad things. All the bad things. The women, feminine women are going to feel most relaxed and at home in themselves when they’re in their femininity more of the time. And so we need to curate our lives, our relationships, our places, our spaces, everything around us in our immediate vicinity as individuals, to make sure that we have the space to be in the feminine, because that’s where the greatest magic is going to come from. Us.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah. I mean, I’m sure for you and I both just writing our books, that creativity. Yeah, I mean. Oh. Fully stepping into your feminine power. It was such a beautiful ride. I love that.

Alanna Kaivalya: It’s actually impossible to do anything creative unless you’re fully in your feminine.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, Yeah, I know. I can’t wait to read your book.

Alanna Kaivalya: Thank you.

Wendy Valentine: And I love the COVID I mean.

Alanna Kaivalya: Oh, isn’t it beautiful?

Wendy Valentine: Oh, look at that.

Alanna Kaivalya: It’s so stunning. I think they did such a knockout job on this book. And, you know, I have, I have a few other books that have been published, and every time they send a cover over for the first time, them always like, oh, no, that is. No, no. This one came over for the first time, and I was like, absolutely. Yes. This is exactly the.

Wendy Valentine: The font, the everything. It’s like, oh, it’s perfect. Yeah, I know. New World Library. Awesome. They did a great. My. My, My cover’s the same. Yeah, it was the very first one they sent over. I was like, okay, just through. Because that’s, like, awesome.

Alanna Kaivalya: Yeah, totally.

Wendy Valentine: So good.

Wendy M. M. talks about how to deal with conflict

by the way, I started listening to one of your podcast episodes. It was on Conflict. I didn’t get to Finish it. I’m going to go back to it because that’s a good one to really tap into. Because we always have conflict, right? But learning like that.

Alanna Kaivalya: Yes, we always have conflict. And, you know, I wanted to offer a different perspective on how to move through it, because conflict isn’t a bad thing, actually. Conflict helps us to get clearer on our needs and to get the met. And research shows that it’s not about, having no conflict. An intimate relationship, you can actually have a lot of conflict. It’s about how you move through it and whether you can get to the other side knowing that your partner always has your back, no matter what, and that it is going to end well. Right. Even it can be a mess in the middle. So I wanted to offer some, and I think it’s one of my most popular podcast episodes, actually, some perspective on how a woman can stay in her feminine through conflict with a masculine partner. Because it actually, that alignment of energy is so facilitative of. Is that a word? Did I just make a word? Yeah, I think I did.

Wendy Valentine: We’ll make it a word.

Alanna Kaivalya: M. We’re gonna go for it. It’s facilitating.

Wendy Valentine: I like it. It sounds.

Alanna Kaivalya: I have a PhD. I just made up a word, you know, to get through that conflict because I don’t want women to any longer be off of their center. I don’t want them slipping on that masculine armor, thinking it’s the way to get through things. It’s not. So just really laying it out there on how to resolve conflict in a real feminine way so that you get your needs met.

Wendy Valentine: Yeah, I’m gonna listen to that one. I need that one. where can we find you? How do we buy your awesome, beautiful book and listen to your podcast?

Alanna Kaivalya: Yeah, podcasts everywhere. Podcasts are listened to and available. the book, anywhere books are sold. the way of the Satisfied Woman is the official title. And then all of that everything, all things me is thesatisfiedwoman.com and for all the podcast listeners out there, I’ve put together a special starter kit for you@thesatisfiedwoman.com Empower me. And when you go to the satisfiedwoman.com Empower me, you’ll get a free chapter. My favorite chapter, actually. Free chapter of my book. a quiz to let you know whether you’re on the feminine polarity, which I’m guessing you are, but you’ll find out anyway. And what’s the third thing? Oh, I have a talk. I have a little video lecture about femininity and how to slide into it a little more fully so you’ll get all those things for free. And then I have my own private community of just women. It’s a safe space for us to work on these things. I’m actually going live in there here in a few minutes to talk about the feminine art of receiving. So I’m on the ground, I’m doing the work and I do a lot of coaching with women actually as well to hear their stories and to get them realigned and recalibrated as the feminine woman. Ah.

Wendy Valentine: I love it. You’re awesome.

Alanna Kaivalya: Thank you.

Wendy Valentine: You’re definitely out. Out of the chrysalis and flying free.

Alanna Kaivalya: I think I’m still squeezing a bit, but yeah, I’m doing my best.

Wendy Valentine: Thank you so much.

Alanna Kaivalya: Thank you, Wendy. It’s a pleasure to be here and keep up the good work you’re doing as well.

Wendy Valentine: Yes, thank you. You too.